There I was lost in Brooklyn, again, wondering why its inhabitants never seem to know the territory. I had just spent 20 minutes asking various people where Calyer Street was amazed how no one had a clue. I mean it’s your neighborhood, wouldn’t you more or less know its streets?
You come to my neck of the woods and I can pretty much direct where you need to be. What is the problem In Greenpoint? I know why it baffles me so…it’s the industrial section of Brooklyn. If it were Brooklyn Heights or Park Slope I’d be sailing along with little problem, the Brooklyn Bridge beaming in the distance.
But not in this section of town that appears wrapped in fog in more ways than one.
I must have asked 12 people with accents and puffy coats, where is Calyer Street? I can’t say how relieved I was when I spotted a UPS man who let’s just say was a little short on charm.
Bounding over to him like a lost puppy, before I could speak he peered over a pair of readers and said, “What is it lady, you look desperate.”
“Well, I guess I am,” I said, quickly disarmed. “I need to get to Calyer Street and I’m running late…apparently it’s south of Manhattan Avenue…do you know where it is?”
“Is that a joke?” he said, his lip curling as if he smelled something foul. “I’m the fucking UPS man. Of course I know where it is.”
His cursing startled me so much that I began to stutter. “Um, yeah…of course you do. I a…I don’t know what I was thinking.”
“You weren’t,” he said with a sneer. You need to turn around and go 2 blocks down and you’ll run right into it. Why you women never consult a map I’ll never understand.”
I took umbrage at this remark since I did Hopstop it before I came. Hotstop is a handy site where if you put in your destination from where you depart, it tells you exactly how to go along with the length of time it takes to get there. What it doesn’t explain is north and south which is what I was having trouble with since, you know… I’m a model, not Magellan?
“For the record, I did consult a map,” I told him defensively. “It’s just very confusing once you get here.”
“Well it’s a good thing I don’t have that trouble since I wouldn’t have a job. I suggest you get a better map or a companion.”
Okay…he was getting to me now, his snottiness hitting its peak.
“You know, you could be a little nicer,” I said. “What’s your problem anyway?”
“My problem is I have deliveries to make and you’re wasting my time. I’m a very busy man.”
“You’re a very rude man. The UPS man in my neighborhood would never act like this.”
“Oh yeah, and what neighborhood might that be?”
“The Upper East Side of Manhattan. He would never talk to me the way you just did…shame on you.”
“Shame on me? You’re the one’s who’s lost lady and you’re one of those uppity Upper Eastsiders which explains a lot.” I live in New York remember so it takes a lot to throw me, but he certainly managed it.
“Honestly…I’m stunned by you. You’ve made me hate it here even more.”
“Oh, poor girl…maybe you’d like me to drive you to where you have to go.”
“What I’d really like is for you to fuck off. How’s that? I can be rude too you know.”
To inflame me even more, the sonofabitch started to laugh. I mean really laugh like I was a seal doing tricks. I finally turned on my heel and left and don’t you know, after all of that, he sent me in the wrong direction.
Thank God for the little gelati man who set me straight. He even gave me a complimentary scoop…to calm my nerves, he said.
“Your gonna make yourself ‘a sick lady,” he said, stuffing some mango ice into a cup. “I know that UPS man…he no nice…he never buy my gelati.”
“Well it is a little chilly out remember.”
“Chee-lee?”
“But not enough not to enjoy a little.” He was so earnest it was worth the shiver that scoop cost me not to mention his unexpected kindness restoring my faith..however I think I’m using FedEx from here on in.
I mean really…
who was that guy?
SB
That’s a lousy way for the UPS brownie to treat people!!! He’s a no good-er for sure! Our UPS people here are soooo nice; one exception…but he never smiles, never…he’s always complaining and tearing around like a jet. Now Fed Ex? MMM…our oldest grandson works for Fed Ex…nice! Shame on His Rudeness for being nasty and bam…sending you in the wrong direction! BAD…should’ve ripped off his brownie badge and thrown it in his face!
Succulent NYC slice of life piece. Brava.
These guys are stressed to the max and for good reason. They’re overworked and they get the blame when things screw up higher up in the system. For instance, I ordered something from B&H Photo on the west side two weeks ago. I’m in New Jersey so UPS usually delivers in a day. B&H pays the shipping fee and no sales tax. I keep track of the order’s shipping progress online and I saw that the next day UPS tells me that the package is on the truck “out for delivery” at 6:27AM. There’s no doorman here (this is not the upper east side, unfortunately) and I have to hang around to sign for the package. From experience I know that UPS shows up around 6PM. I stay where I am. No package. I write UPS via their internet chat window. I’m told that the driver *must* deliver everything in his truck by 7PM but if he’s behind he will have to keep delivering until as late as 11:59PM. See why he’s angry? Ok. midnight comes around; no package. The next morning the tracking window says still on truck out for delivery. No package on day 2 and tracking says it’s still on the truck. That night I get back on the chat window. The customer support person types in that the package is missing. I say it was scanned and put on the truck so my comment is “so the driver lost the package?” The chat person says “that’s not what I said.” He went on to tell me that it was scanned as being put on the truck but it might not have ever actually gotten on the truck. But people who don’t get as far as actually talking to someone in customer support are going to blame the driver.
I went to the depot once to send a package. Other packages were on a conveyer belt about 10 feet off the ground. One package got caught on the conveyer and others backed up against it and spilled off the conveyer, crashing to the ground. A mountain of smashed packages quickly built up below the conveyer belt. The conveyer never shut down and no personell working at the counter even turned around to even acknowledge the problem despite the noise and the horrified looks of the customers at the counter. Those packages that do get delivered will arrive in pieces.
Of course that driver was grumpy. It’s a wonder he doesn’t go postal.
UPDATE: UPS reported this morning via email, two weeks after the package was due to be delivered that “ALL MERCHANDISE MISSING, EMPTY CARTON WAS DISCARDED.”
How rude! Why can’t people just be nice. At least the lovely ice cream man calmed you down
Yes, a sweet does wonders as you of all people know
Sugar and sympathy, now there’s an idea for a bakery/ice cream parlour!
wow what a jerk off he was!
The Untied Parcel Service… we refused to use them at my last company, they were so horrendous. I never heard of Hopstop, I’ll have to check it out.
I’m wondering if it’s available where you are. I use it all the time. It’s pretty amazing How instantaneous it is. Yeah, UPS BLOWS!!!
Maybe the UPS guy is related to the guy at Trader Joe’s?
What a concept. Now that you mention it, they did have a slight resemblance in the attitude department.
It only takes one twat to give an organisation the size of UPS a bad name. When will they learn?
OMG, Susannah’s blog has a flamer. You’re really offensive, Rob. Why are you defending a major corporation that has some obvious problems?
The overhead conveyer system, for instance, is a huge compromise that should have been redesigned to prevent packages from taking a 10 foot fall to the ground. This is happening at many depots, not just the one I use. Stealing is also quite common. I and others I know have had packages arriving at their destination empty. They had been opened, the contents removed and then resealed. I have lots of other horror stories. Also, insurance claims against UPS are very difficult to collect.
Some regulation is obviously needed but the government has for years favored the big corporation at the public’s expense.
Why do you find the need to defend UPS’s good name? Why do you think any criticism about UPS is unjustified? And what is compelling you to express yourself here in such a misogynistic way?
@Katt: I’ve read my comment over ten times and I can’t find any defence of UPS in it, nor was there any intended.
Yeah…I don’t understand. Don’t worry about it Rob. I’m not even sure what a flamer is. We just write…
I’m with Rob. With all due respect, what are you talking about?
I wasn’t worried so much as bemused. And misogynistic, me?! I’m the most uxorious man I know.
I was bemused as well. Like those 2 words you used…quite meaty.
When I saw the word “twat” it never occurred to me that you were referring to the UPS man. Having him be the “twat”, of course, clarifies everything. A strange adjective for a grumpy man. Sorry for the misinterpretation.
No worries.