There seems to be a bit of curiosity over the fact that I encounter so many looney-tunes, for lack of a better term.
I’d like to address this if I may.
After considerable musing I’ve come up with a few logical reasons the first being, I live in New York City, the aggression capital of the world. One steps outside their door often greeted by a dose of casual belligerence. Sometimes you needn’t even step outside…it could occur on the stairwell or in the foyer. It’s as if all New Yorkers, rather than a gun, pack an attitude in order to get through the day. To be honest, I’m grateful it’s not a .38 or I’d be dead for sure.
I’m also naturally inquisitive therefore engaging more than perhaps the average person. This quite often results in unexpected pugnacity after rubbing someone the wrong way, like that UPS man for example (see United Psycho Service). Me asking for directions set off something that if I would guess had to do with a woman in his life. You can almost see him lost on some road with his wife screaming, Ya went the wrong way Harry…I told you to go left at the Sunoco sign, didn’t I?
The guy at Trader Joes (see Are You Talking To Me) who almost slugged me was just plain nuts and believe me when I say, New York is crawling with folk like him. You find yourself building up a protective shield that it bounces off of.
Did you see that guy playing drums on that bucket? He was naked.
Yeah, and?
You get used to it which doesn’t make it right but if you’re going to live here you can’t let it bother you. It’s kind of like the rats that come out after midnight, you learn to exist alongside them despite their unsavory presence.
We had a huge snowfall that has challenged the city. You want to dodge some bullets, today was the day. Between knee deep snow that has yet to be shoveled and the men who are out there breaking their backs shoveling, let’s just say no one is singing ‘You Are My Sunshine’. It’s more, get outta the way lady…can’t ya see I’m shovelin here? All I did was walk down the street to receive that warm and cozy reception.
I have learned to pick my fights since the moment you take one on, your peace becomes the admission price. In New York it’s awfully easy for an argument to escalate. You see it all the time: Two cab drivers about to go to blows because one beeped at the other. A woman at the bank angry at a man who didn’t say excuse me. My favorite one is when you hold the door for someone and if they don’t say thanks it goes from, I did so right to, hey fuck you asshole, you wanna step outside? Our personal anger swings much too close to the surface like a fuse begging to be lit.
Ironically, I left this essay to go get my nails done like I do every Saturday at 10 a.m. I have what you call a Gentleman’s Manicure which means, filed, cleaned and buffed, no polish which takes all of 15 minutes. There’s a woman 2 seats down from me on her cell phone as loud as can be right in front of a sign that says…Limited Cell Phone Use Only. I politely ask Angelina Hollywood, who I’ve written affectionately about (see Things That Elude Me Part 1) to please ask her to get off…so she tells the girl doing her nails who simply refuses to do so.
Now I’ve just come off a 4 day job that has left me so exhausted that my tolerance has gone AWOL…like it’s in Japan if you get my drift…I jump up and say to this woman who’s in the throes of explaining the difference between wild salmon and farm raised, “Madam, could you please get off your phone while I’m here,” and she says, “No, I can’t.”
I don’t have to tell you what happened next. Her entitlement and general impoliteness lit that fuse faster than you could say, Hey sailor, gotta light? I looked at Agnes who’s in charge when the owner isn’t there and said, “If you don’t address this right now then you’ve just lost a customer.” Agnes shrugs and shakes her head as if to say, who gives a flying shit, not exactly the response I was hoping for. I grab my coat, apologize to Angelina Hollywood who’s about to cry, and leave. Knowing myself as I do, I will stubbornly, as much as I love her, never go back.
ESCALATION, THE GAME WE LOVE TO PLAY.
It’s what happens when you don’t live in Kansas.
SB
No where on this planet can you stand on a street corner and have a small overly tanned & overly old adult in a pink bikini pull up next to you on a child’s pink bicycle wearing a lady liberty hat and NO ONE bats a eye…other than your wonderful city.
I never understood the loud cell conversations at the salon…I for one am there to relax for a half hour, but apparently I am the minority.
I had a lengthy conversation about cell phone use with the owner of the salon. She too is mystified at why no one opts for peace while they’re soaking their hands and feet. It amazes me really. The world is on their phone in some capacity. I think I’ve seen that guy in his pink bikini but I think he now rides a Schwinn:)
While there is many sights to see in NYC I cannot say I am particularly atttracted to the lifestyle you describe. Wishing you well as you deal with WS. Nemo
The funny part of it is Joe, I still feel at home here despite the warfare.
I suppose we choose to adapt where we are. I am just too many decades into what I know here. It is so much calmer and without very much drama.
Sounds appealing. I can’t imagine it actually. Just now a woman bumped into me and didn’t say excuse me. I let it go but an I’m sorry would have been nice.
Excellent explanation of social interactions in NYC! Not sure I would last two minutes there.
As long as you carried cupcakes to hand out the city would love you
That is true
But I tend to react quickly to things, I am not laid back. I need to remember that ‘kindness meets kindness’!
I think that’s true but I will say if you combat a slug with a smile most people in old New Yawk would think you were crazy. Gandhi would not be elected Mayor here though I’d vote for him and think that you would too…and Marty and Milo for sure would…meow
Hmm, Maybe NY is where I belong after all!
As long as you bring those cupcakes.
Got it!
Perhaps mass scale anger management?
Can you imagine?
More dinosaurs: I’d be dead too.
I’m far from an expert, but I think learning to argue is a bit like learning karate. The martial arts bit is the bit everyone is familiar with, but actually, its the philosophy that’s important. The trick is to get your opponent to use his force upon himself. And don’t go to places where there is no escape. That definitely includes argueing yourself down blind alleys, or out of your favourite nail bar.
When I’m that tired, all bets are off. She was lucky I didn’t put her through a wall, my ire was that off the charts. That said, you’re right of course, you Kungfu you
I dislike rudeness anytime, anywhere…cell rudeness is rampant these days and most irritable. I keep mine private and plan to keep it that way!
Last week I was in the hair salon; a client came in leading her daschund on her little leash. That’s a huge no-no in the books! Aah, if that wasn’t enough? In a few minutes the ladies’ sister paraded in with her curly dog on its leash. The other clients were beginning to send daggers in their direction but it didn’t seem to ruffle their leashes in the least. Cell phones, dogs, daggers…where will it end or will there be an end.
My stylist is wonderful and she’s a good friend; she also won’t ever, ever say anything to hurt anyone’s feelings – nor will she complain to a client. The dogged ladies were/are her clients…probably forever…I’ll now make appointments to avoid them! I’m weak-kneed. Waaah. I won’t leave her…dogs or not…because she’s the greatest I’ve ever had…hands down!
I feel sorry for Angelina Hollywood. She will miss you!
New Yorkers have had this reputation longer than I’ve been alive, they’re famous for it. I don’t know why anyone is surprised when you encounter and write about it. Other large metropolises may not have the rep, but I’d be willing to bet you can find the same attitudes anywhere people live in proximity to eachother like that. When there are that many people around, personal space needs fierce protection.
I like the last line about personal space. This is true. I’ve been to Chicago and L.A. and don’t remember what it’s like. I liked both places though. Oregon must be heaven compared to where I am.
He: Excellently done.
She: whudaya mean by that?
He: no, I mean that seriously. Excellently done.
She: That’s your opinion?
He: Yeah, that’s right.
She: And who asked for it?
He: I assumed YOU did.
She: and what made you assume THAT?
He: Well, you asked.
She: Oh, no I didn’t.
He: Well, lemme put it to ya this way.
FUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOO!!