This morning while running in the park, I was stopped in my tracks by a white standard poodle who looked an awful lot like Mamie Van Doren. For those of you who don’t know who she is, she’s very blonde and over the top grand – half glam, half punk and over all, quite something.
This poodle, who looked at me as if to say, this was not my idea, was called Scherazade, named after the famous Persian Queen and storyteller. She had one of her ears pom-pomed so it swung like a pendulum as she walked alongside her owner. The rest of her head looked like a white Afro brushed out just so. She was shaved in various (unnecessary) places and her nails were painted bright pink. Her owner was simply dressed in jeans and a down jacket so, go figure.
I tried being polite but said to her, “If you don’t mind me saying, poodles are so cute naturally…why do you do this to her?” Yeah I know, me and my big mouth, but I felt compelled to defend this poor animal who looked as if any minute she was about to figure skate.
“Why I think she looks stunning,” the woman said. “Everyone stares at her, I mean the attention she gets is so fulfilling, for the both of us.”
“You don’t say?”
The reason for the false perceived adulation is that you really can’t believe your eyes. It’s not as if you’re thinking, hey what a great idea, I think I’ll go home and shave my Beagle.
First of all, poodles are an incredibly bright breed, therefore, this pup knows that she looks ridiculous. The poor thing will need therapy soon if this continues. I have three words for her mistress…nail polish remover.
Did I mention her leopard cashmere sweater with the mink collar that, as her owner pointed out, can be taken on and off in case Schzade (her nickname) wants to be a little more casual?
“Does she tell you what she wants to wear?” I know, how psychotic am I? But we already know the answer to that question, don’t we?
“She lets me know. We have our own special language, the two of us, and she can be very verbal when she wants to be.”
I mean what can you say? Maybe you should lie down. Is there someone I should call to come get you? Did you escape from your room again?
This woman was nuts, no question. There was one saving grace though. Turns out Scherazade was adopted from The North Shore Animal League. Apparently a family moved away and left her behind, so I gave her quite a bit of leeway for not shopping at a breeder.
There’s always light somewhere, even if you have to remove a fur collar to find it.
My friend Linda has a poodle named Ruby. She sent me this little video that will prove just how smart, not to mention funny, poodles truly are…au naturel.