This morning while running in the park, I was stopped in my tracks by a white standard poodle who looked an awful lot like Mamie Van Doren. For those of you who don’t know who she is, she’s very blonde and over the top grand – half glam, half punk and over all, quite something. 
See the resemblance…uncanny, isn’t it?
This poodle, who looked at me as if to say, this was not my idea, was called Scherazade, named after the famous Persian Queen and storyteller. She had one of her ears pom-pomed so it swung like a pendulum as she walked alongside her owner. The rest of her head looked like a white Afro brushed out just so. She was shaved in various (unnecessary) places and her nails were painted bright pink. Her owner was simply dressed in jeans and a down jacket so, go figure.
I tried being polite but said to her, “If you don’t mind me saying, poodles are so cute naturally…why do you do this to her?” Yeah I know, me and my big mouth, but I felt compelled to defend this poor animal who looked as if any minute she was about to figure skate.
“Why I think she looks stunning,” the woman said. “Everyone stares at her, I mean the attention she gets is so fulfilling, for the both of us.”
“You don’t say?”
The reason for the false perceived adulation is that you really can’t believe your eyes. It’s not as if you’re thinking, hey what a great idea, I think I’ll go home and shave my Beagle.
First of all, poodles are an incredibly bright breed, therefore, this pup knows that she looks ridiculous. The poor thing will need therapy soon if this continues. I have three words for her mistress…nail polish remover.
Did I mention her leopard cashmere sweater with the mink collar that, as her owner pointed out, can be taken on and off in case Schzade (her nickname) wants to be a little more casual?
“Does she tell you what she wants to wear?” I know, how psychotic am I? But we already know the answer to that question, don’t we?
“She lets me know. We have our own special language, the two of us, and she can be very verbal when she wants to be.”
“A-ha.”
I mean what can you say? Maybe you should lie down. Is there someone I should call to come get you? Did you escape from your room again?
This woman was nuts, no question. There was one saving grace though. Turns out Scherazade was adopted from The North Shore Animal League. Apparently a family moved away and left her behind, so I gave her quite a bit of leeway for not shopping at a breeder.
There’s always light somewhere, even if you have to remove a fur collar to find it.
My friend Linda has a poodle named Ruby. She sent me this little video that will prove just how smart, not to mention funny, poodles truly are…au naturel.
Someone around my way has 2 poodles. When my son was about 3 or 4 he was trying to tell me a story that included these 2 dogs. He started with “the man with the fancy dogs.” I must say, it still makes me laugh. These 2 reminded me of the Gabor sisters.
I’m just a little jealous that Scherazade most likely has a better collection in her closet than I do.
The Gabor sisters…that’s a perfect description. And yes, Schazade is very fashionable.
PS I opted for a Beagle because Chester with a buzz cut came to mind You’d never do that, right?
Love You don’t say and A Ha perfect!
Poodles were originally bred as gun-dogs to retrieve water fowl and not as fairy princesses. It’s difficult to see how these two vocations became blurred.
Lovely post Susannah: thanks for sharing it with us.
Very interesting that they were called gun-dogs…never heard that before. Wasn’t that video funny?
The lion cut (bushy round the chest, nigh-on naked elsewhere) was supposed to improve their buoyancy.
I’d missed the video (I’m not sure how!). It was just perfect: the timing, the facial expressions, the interaction between the three dogs. You couldn’t have done it better with a cartoon. Marvellous.
I’m glad you laughed. Me too. I’ve watched it so many times. Love the one that backs out of the room.
Oh lord :::claps hand over eyes::: “Nuts” is putting it mildly. She’s living vicariously through her dog. But like you said, kudos for adopting a rescue dog.
And Mamie VD… yikes. Do you suppose the word “clownish” has any meaning to her?
You know those vintage blondes, they could lecture on self esteem since they love themselves so much. Mae West comes to mind. If Schzade’s not careful that’s who she’s going to look like in her twilight years.
She did do a good deed by rescuing ‘Schzade’…possibly from an even worse fate. People do some ridiculous things to their pets…a dogs life to be sure!
Excellent piece (per usual) about the daily freak show we call NYC. In case any of you are interested, Mamie van Doren’s real name is Joan Lucille Olander and for you REAL fans, her site is mamievandoren.com.
I had a poodle when I was a kid. A little black sweetie. Kept her in a “puppy cut”. Simple face and feet clipped and a pom-pom tail. Then I got the bright idea to have a fancy cut done. She didn’t come out from under the bed for days. She looked silly and knew it.
See, I was right. They know when they don’t look their best. Sure glad you don’t shave Teddy.
He would look like a big silly rat and be very angry with me.
He’d such a beautiful boy…that face could stop a war.