I don’t like surprises. That’s why I’m watching the second season of ‘The West Wing’ for the ninth time, I know what’s coming. It’s also a great show even if you do know every bit of dialogue, after all, Aaron Sorkin wrote it.

It’s also my way of staving off disappointment. Sure things, though familiar, never disappoint.

“But life’s about risk Susannah.”

“When you’re 20, but when you’re my age peace comes with known territory.”

“Sounds boring as hell.”

“So’s disenchantment.”

“UH-OH, what happened?”

“Nothing, I’m just being honest with my readers, that’s all. It’s one of the reasons I hate television so much, its ‘new fall season’ tends to let you down.”

“Yeah, but the ‘West Wing’ was a TV show?”

“But I discovered it on Netflix then bought all 7 seasons. Why? Because it was a sure thing.”

“How does this rule apply to your personal life?”

“Am I being interviewed again?”

“You decided to blog about this, not us.”

“Fair enough. How does this apply to my personal life? Well for starters, you’d never catch me on a blind date.”

“Why, when there’s a chance of him being Prince Charming?”

“Because there’s a bigger chance of him being a toad, besides that, blind dates are meant for the blind.”

“How are you ever going to meet anybody?”

“So now we’re back to that are we? By living my life at full throttle trusting the Universe will put someone fabulous in my path who my awareness will inspire me to notice.”

“That answer was right out of Penthouse.”

“So was the question and for the record, I’m not here cleaning my oven naked wearing only an apron and a cowboy hat.”

“Don’t you kinda love Penthouse?”

“NO! Full frontal folly was never my thing.”

“There you go again, flaunting your vocabulary.”

“Better than my…never mind.”

“Well, If you don’t open up your borders a little Susannah you’re life’s never going to change, it doesn’t matter how clever you are.”

“Maybe I don’t want it to change, maybe I like it just the way it is.”

“But you’re all alone.”

“I’d be alone anyway, even if I had 10 guys. Why can’t you get it through your little cyber heads that unless you’re happy and completely self-possessed anyone you successfully highjack into your life won’t make a bit of difference. They’ll end up being dead weight and you’ll have one more failed love affair to get over.

Okay, who’s crying?”

“It’s me. Jose and I are breaking up.”

“Is he the one you met roller skating?”

“No, the ATM at Duane Reade on 23rd and 8th.”

“I will not be cruel and say I told you so but if you put the effort into yourself that you put into picking up people that pick up on your, and I’m sorry to say this, desperation, you wouldn’t be in another mess.”

“But I thought Jose was the one.”

“Along with Eddie, Malcolm, Mario, Lawrence and we mustn’t forget Tweety.”

“I’ll admit, he was crazy. I’ll never answer an inmate’s personal ad again.”

“That’s progress, and could you please blow your nose?”

“How did we get on the subject of me anyway?”

“Oh I don’t know, pure luck?”

“Now, it’s Sunday and despite it being chilly, it’s a beautiful day. I don’t know about you, but I’m planning to enjoy it.”

“How? I need tips.”

“By first taking a nice, long hot shower, one can always depend on water (providing the boiler’s working that is), putting on a nice dress to go make my standing nail appointment with none other than Miss Angelina Hollywood (11/11&12) who never disappoints then off to my favorite little Italian place where I’ll find a plate of linguine with my name on it. Then I’m coming home to watch Martin Sheen as President Bartlett tell his staff he has MS and didn’t tell anybody.

What are you going to do?”

“I could get my nails done, but I think I’d rather roller skate. I do have to stop at the ATM first to get a little cash.”

“So what’s his name?”

“Who?”

“Come on, tell me.”

“Fabrizio; I met him at The Halloween parade. He was dressed as a razor blade.”

“Well then, how could you possibly resist.”

SB