One of my favorite writers who blogs at fillingspaces.wordpress.com penned a wonderful piece on New Year’s resolutions that prompted me to weigh in.

I try not to make any since I don’t tend to keep them since it becomes a control issue for me. I like to give the Universe all the leeway it needs to bring delightful new things my way. If I’m stuck corralled in one of my self-inflicted mandates then I will undoubtedly miss out on some grand opportunity.

“Susannah, can you cut the flowery crap please?”

“Excuse me?”

“All you had to say was I don’t make resolutions, period; mandates, it’s not even 7am.”

“Aren’t we cranky this morning. If you don’t like what I’m writing about go see what Jimmie Chew’s doing. I’ll bet he’s pressing his tux for tonight.”

If I may continue, I prefer to recap what I’d like to improve on like, I’ll run an extra mile when possible, drink fewer lattes or write 2 essays a day rather than 1 but without cementing them into sacred vows. That way I can’t flog myself if I renege somewhere along the line. There are days a girl just needs 6 lattes and that’s that.

“You could use a few now.”

“So you’re back?”

“I never left. I feel the need to tell you that you haven’t been all that funny lately. Yesterday you were mad over some stupid hat, the day before it was Coco Chanel and some dead guy. We need laughs Susannah, not obituaries.”

“I’m not a joke machine. You can’t put a quarter in my slot and expect amusement.”

“I wouldn’t bring my slot into this if I were you.”

“Go away.”

My friend Amy said something so sweet to me the other day…

“Oh not Amy again; doesn’t she work?”

“Please note from here on in you’re being ignored.”

She said, it doesn’t matter what happened or didn’t happen to me this year, I’m writing every day, and I can’t tell you how much that little declaration meant to me because she’s right. It’s a big win to be doing what one loves the most on a daily basis.

A gentle amendment to that could be, I’d like to submit more of my essays. I will make time for that wrapped around the blog.

“BORING!!!”

I think the other valuable tool I’ve honed is gratitude that makes looking back a lot   pleasanter. I rarely feel disappointed over the year’s events since I view them all as  lessons.

“Is the bar open?”

It also allows me to acknowledge what I never want to take for granted like my health, home and close friendships.

I’ve lost a few this year, one in particular that pained me greatly. Someone I loved like a brother eviscerated me in front of a good 30 people for reasons still unclear. In a heated flash it became obvious that our long alliance was riddled with resentments that still remain a mystery. It’s quite something when someone you trust decides to gut you down the middle like Dover Sole.

The pearl in the oyster was that it taught me to see beyond what lies on the surface, that even a safe union could exhibit signs of unrest.

Truthfully, I yearn for unconditional love that doesn’t require 24 hour monitoring but alas, that’s a dream I may have to abandon.

“OKAY THAT’S IT!

ARE YOU SNORING?”

SB