I think self-worth is the most important trait a person can possess. Without it, others tend to treat you as if you should be entering through the backdoor. I’ll admit, I learned this one the hard way.
For a good part of my life I suffered from an acute case of inadequacy all because I didn’t go to school. When I think back on it boy, did I put myself through hell for nothing.
If the world is treating us badly it’s because we’ve given it permission to. I never knew we ultimately decide who we are and that’s what the world mirrors back.
As a model, especially a young one, you’re invited to everything. They sprinkle you around at parties and openings like a glamorous sprig of parsley. There I’d be in some loaned designer outfit petrified someone might come over to ask me a question.
I was forever disappearing into the ladies room to ‘freshen up,’ taking as long as was humanly possible.’ ‘Smarten up’ would have been a better idea. If I knew then what I do now I would have had a much better time not to mention sniffed fewer lines of coke that were always displayed like party favors on the sink.
Half the people running around with 5 star educations are the dullest bunch you’ll ever encounter and many of them don’t even read, an act that adds layers to a person.
Yes it does. It makes you more interesting because you know more.
A woman I knew by the name of Dr. Joyce Aronson, a great lady who passed away from cancer several years ago who had scrolls on her wall up the wazoo said to me once, “You know Susannah, all college really comes down to is lots of reading and writing – start doing that and you’ll never feel deficient again.”
That’s the day I stopped thinking of myself as ‘just a model.’ I got my first library card and off to the literary races I went.
My parents, who didn’t read very much, were not very good role models. My mother liked those cheap romance novels where, right when the heroine was about to be carried off to be raped and ruined, the son of the manor would ride to the rescue then ravish her himself in a nearby bush. (With her consent of course.) My dad wasn’t much help either being strictly an avid Daily News reader and Mickey Spillane fan. The classics (with the exception of ‘Good Housekeeping’) were nowhere to be found which resulted in me not reading ‘Pride And Prejudice’ till I was 35.
Part of my insecurity came from a limited vocabulary’ the surprise built-in bonus buck when you read. My very first dictionary, ‘The American Heritage’ that sits on my desk (I’m thinking of bronzing it), never left my side. It took me forever to finish a book because I looked up every other word but in no time it was amazing how quickly they became mine. Suddenly I wasn’t afraid any longer to be cornered in conversation not only comprehending what was said but contributing as well.
I remember one of my shinier moments was the first time someone asked what school I had gone to? After shyly admitting I was strictly a working girl with no college to speak of, the woman who asked was completely taken aback.
I think I grew an inch that day, not a bad thing for a model actually.
Self-worth is like donning a beautiful color. It allows you to make an entrance announcing to all present who you are and that you never, ever come through the backdoor.