I’m in agony.
I gave up shopping for Lent.
“But I thought you’re not a practicing Catholic anymore Susannah?”
“I’m not, but I decided to participate anyway.”
I know this sounds hypocritical but old habits die hard especially when you have people calling up asking what you’re giving up.
You see I haven’t exactly come clean concerning my lapsed Catholicism. Everyone thinks I’ve been church hopping due to my busy schedule. I’m just not up for the collective wrath of the Filipino peanut gallery. (I’m referring to my church pals all from the Philippines.)
I can just hear them.
“Have you gone mad Susannah?”
“Could it be a menopausal thing you think?”
“What if you called your doctor. We’ll take you; then we’ll go to lunch.”
So instead of facing the Spanish Inquisition if you will I thought, for old times sake I’d just give something up.
Chocolate always sounds so ridiculous. Yes, I’ll be forgoing my daily Kit Kat bar for a month or so. I know it’s a hardship but anything for Jesus.
When I was a kid you automatically gave up one of the 3 Cs: candy, cake, and Coke as in Coca Cola not cocaine although now that would be quite an offering and think of the money you’d save?
Shopping felt like a real serious sacrifice that I’m now sorry for.
Of all times to be invited to the Agnes b sample sale. It’s like hitting the sartorial number.
“God is testing you,” said my church pal Lonnie. (test this)
Agnes b is one of my favorite designers who has gotten mighty pricey as of late so to be able to peruse her stock for a 3rd of the price gives me heart palpitations.
Just the other day I was in the store smelling the houndstooth. She made a suit this year that is so chic with a pencil skirt that looks quite great on me.
Okay, I did try it on. I couldn’t help it. It was calling my name.
Psst! Susannah, Susannah, over here…
You should have been there. It fit like a black and white checked glove. And the jacket, omigod – has lines like a yacht. She cuts fabric so beautifully that you want to sleep in her clothes.
Have I made my point you think?
My friend Camille told me how stupid I’m being since I’m not buying into Catholicism anymore.
Of course she can’t go to the sale without me since I’m the one with the invitation and I can’t give it to her since they know me; would be rude if I casually gave it away.
Oh, why didn’t I choose Oreos or gum. WHY CLOTHES!!!
Do you know what I blame this on?
It drips within me like a slow leak. I’m worried if I give in something awful will happen.
Who am I kidding, if I don’t go something awful will happen. Camile will stab me right in my catechism.
‘I Shop Therefore I Am’ will be Camile’s epitaph.
I could go and not buy anything but I don’t think I’m that strong. Camille offered to hold my wallet but I’m afraid if I see that suit I’ll have a meltdown right in the showroom.
How do you say ‘smelling salts’ in French?
You know who I envy?
The atheist. He pops through life guilt free eating sweets all year round never missing a beat or a sale.
Of course that means when he has a problem he’s on his own.
You can’t very well say’ Oh God,’ if you don’t believe in him.
Well you can, but I bet the line’s busy.
I know, what if I picked out a few things out, gave them my credit card but picked it all up after Easter?
Does that work?
Who said no?