Sexually Speaking

I was just telling my friend Bill how excited I was that my post on self-esteem, ‘The Imperfect Susannah B,’ had so many readers minus any mention of sex.

“Hmm,” he said, “how interesting; what tags did you use on that by the way?”

I immediately went back to look, cheerfully chanting all 10: “Woody Allen, fashion models, writing, Ernest Hemingway, a college education, permissive parents, grammar, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Winston Churchill, self flagellation…

“STOP RIGHT THERE, I KNEW IT!”

‘What what?” I said, holding my breath.

“You were self-flagellating, no wonder it was so popular.”

“What are you talking about? Self-flagellation means excessive criticism of oneself.”

“It also means flogging oneself like in S&M?”

“Are you kidding?”

“Hardly.”

Well that took the air right out of my tires.

I penned 3 essays in a row on the subject of sex and frankly I’m exhausted from it. That’s what happens when your my age, hearing about it feels like doing it for 72 hours straight, not counting rewrites. I even feel like smoking.

Gotta light?

I have all these new followers that probably think that’s all I write about. I hate to disappoint them but I do prefer broader themes primarily because my thoughts range so dramatically. You should only know some of the stuff I think about, it scares even me. Sex is tame in comparison.

I realize fucking is a universal topic but there’s more going on than that in the world.

Who said like what?

Alice was that you?

Current events for starters.

Take the Post, every New Yorker’s hidden bible – it’s filled to the brim with interesting tidbits.

Why hidden?

People never admit they read The New York Post, they think it’s too sensational and not in terms of topnotch journalism either. It’s thought of as a tawdry tabloid. I happen to love it. I tell everyone it’s because Alexander Hamilton sired it in 1804 but it’s really because it’s so entertaining and talk about no edits. Nothing, and I mean nothing is sacred at The Post.

Of course I also peruse The National Enquirer whenever I’m in a checkout line but that’s because you never know when something really fascinating is going to grab your attention. It could come from anywhere so you need to be open and if anyone makes a crack about you reading it, just pretend you don’t speak English.

“No habla Ingles.”

For instance, there was a headline about 2 inmates at a pretty grisly prison playing soccer with someone’s head. What a post that would make. I could call it, ‘How To Stay Fit Without Losing Your Head.’

Yes, I jest but you get my point. If I wrote about sex every day you’d be bored silly after 6 months. You would so. You’d be begging me for that book review.

I’d get comments like, “For Pete’s sake Susannah, get a room or please Susannah, no more sex, we can’t take anymore, we’re chafing. Write something cultural for a change; what about a human interest story, or a recipe?”

Yeah right, that’ll be the day.

SB

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Love, New York City, sex, sexual relationships, Uncategorized, Women and men and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Sexually Speaking

  1. Ed Crescimanni says:

    I enjoyed the Sex Series. What the Kinsey’s would have done if they had a sense of humor. But I agree with your Too Much of Anything Begins to Chafe Theory. Readers will come and go; follow your Muse.

    Like

  2. hal says:

    Sex or no sex your blogs are very entertaining and your topics very wide ranging, from crazy neighbors to sexual escapades to shit happens ! love them all keep it going, follow your writing whimsy !

    Like

  3. D. D. Syrdal says:

    You have to write what you like to write. I would guess you’ve gained most of your readers because of your humor. The ones who showed up for the sex series probably were looking for porn or erotica, so it’s not going to gain you any long-term readers. I suggest making “humor” and “Writing” default tags and categories. Humorous blogs tend to do very well.

    Like

  4. Katherine Boyle says:

    Glad you like the Post! We do too.

    Like

  5. stevesw says:

    I am very delighted to have found your blog, and I want to complement you on your wonderful, intelligent, human expression of thought.

    OK, that was my (sincere) ‘New York Times’ response. However, as a writer who believes that writing is painting with words, here is my ‘Post’ response:

    “I enjoyed reading your blog. As for the comment, “For Pete’s sake Susannah, get a room or please Susannah, no more sex, we can’t take anymore, we’re chafing. Write something cultural for a change; what about a human interest story, or a recipe?” I fully agree that you should write a recipe. Please describes the recipe in terms of Giada De Laurentiis leaning over a pot on TV, and the male viewers hoping for her breasts to fall out of her low-cut blouse.”

    Like

  6. stevesw says:

    My ‘humorous side of dating’ blog: http://mynextdateblog.wordpress.com/

    Like

  7. storyofalice says:

    Yes, that sounds like something I would say! You know me well, Susannah!

    Just like your other readers, I enjoy your writing tremendously. It’s more about the way you write than about what you write about, because ‘we don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are’ (Anais Nin).

    Like

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