We Were Just Leaving

I went out carousing with my friend Trudy on Friday. This consisted of sitting at a bistro bar drinking wine and eating a few fries.    

I like doing this at the end of the week since it always feels so well deserved.

Normally I go alone but in a moment of psychotic benevolence I invited her to come along.

The thing you have to know about Trudy is nothing’s simple. Where I would just throw something on and wander someplace, she treats it as an enormous event.

How so?

It included fake eyelashes and an emergency bubble bath.   

She was late of course, something I’ve learned to expect, and there’s always a stop to make along the way.

“My leg hurts,” she tells me so could I please carry her packages that need to be dropped off at the UPS Store.

Feeling like an ass in more ways than one we crawl, she can’t walk very fast, to do the errand before finally landing at the bar.

Alright it didn’t kill me but do you see the advantages of traveling alone?

Let me say I am never on the prowl. If I meet someone interesting it’s usually incidental. I prefer to sit quietly, sip my Pinot Noir and just be.

Trudy, on the other hand, opts to make a big splash. She seems to know every maitre d’ in Manhattan making more noise upon entering than I’m comfortable with.

Finally after she works the room like a senator we settle in.

You know the expression, ‘I can sure use a drink?’

Well…

The place we chose wasn’t very busy which is why I like it. Come 9 o’clock it’s a zoo but between 5 and 8 it’s peaceful with just enough action to make it pleasantly festive so you can actually have a conversation.

Trudy of course says only old people are out at this early hour and what’s wrong with me anyway? Ignoring the verbal assault I order an appetizer figuring if her mouth’s full she can’t insult me. Wishful thinking on my part since she’d find a way even if she were comatose.

Frankly I’m not much of a chatterer by nature so very often I perceive myself as a very large ear for those who feel the urgent need to prattle.

I heard about how cute the UPS boys are and how they gave her a free box. She told me about her hairdresser who only charged her 200 bucks for a cut and how she’s pissed at her son and not too nuts about her new daughter-in-law since she used labels on her thank-you notes for all their wedding gifts.

I can only describe this yammering as Muzak with lyrics.

A good looking, jauntily dressed dark haired men in his 60s came in with a party of 3 that joined us at the bar. I felt relieved since I knew instantly Trudy’s attention would wander.    

Now let me just say for a woman in her mid 60s Trudy is very attractive however, men in their 60s unless they’re in a retirement community or have brain damage are not interested in a woman of a certain age. I was even too old and I’m 10 years younger. (This is New York remember)

Did this deter her?

Absolutely not.

She dug her high heels in like the bugle just sounded at a fox hunt.

To this man’s credit he was very polite as only a European knows how to be. He sounded Belgium to me but then again I was drinking so he could have been from Queens for all I truly knew.

After an hour of listening to Trudy trying to engage him in flirty banter I was ready to leave. As I pulled out my credit card the bartender came over to say the gentleman 2 stools down would like to buy us a drink.

Personally I think it was his way of ending the one-sided flirtation since he had successfully managed to escape Trudy’s clutches.

Two drinks are really my limit so I politely said no but Trudy, who had just perused our check, wasn’t about to. You would have thought we won the Kentucky Derby.

Knowing she couldn’t get me to change my mind she did something else extraordinary.

Rather than accept the drinks this fellow offered she asked the bartender to deduct it from our bill.

Omigod!

It reminded me of an old Margaret Smith joke when a guy strolls over and says, “Hey cupcake, can I buy you a drink?” And she says, “No thanks, but I’ll take the 3 bucks.” (you can tell how old that joke is since wine starts at 10.50 per glass)

I was mortified. Now the bartender, I knew, didn’t want to tangle with Trudy. It’s like when you know someone’s nuts, the smart thing to do is to cut your losses then run.    

Since she insisted on picking up the check I couldn’t say much.

Why did she pay?

Who knows although she does tend to treat me like The Little Match Girl,  something that used to drive me crazy. Now I don’t care so much after realizing it’s more about her than  me.

In any event, we both went home.

Before leaving I gave the place a last long look knowing I wouldn’t be coming back anytime soon.

Did someone say good riddance…

or was that me when I left her on the corner?

SB

This is my 300th post

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in humor, New York City, sex, Uncategorized, Women and men and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to We Were Just Leaving

  1. Congrats on the big 3 double 0! As for Trudy…we all have one. I can only take mine in small doses.

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  2. D. D. Syrdal says:

    Hysterical. I could see something like this happening to me, easily. I don’t currently have a Trudy in my life, the last one sort of fell off the radar a number of years ago (and like Trudy, there was always a stop to make). I think it’s fantastic that you enjoy going out by yourself. Something tells me it’s easier in NY, out here I’m actually afraid of having some stranger try to chat me up when all I want is to be left alone, but not in a hermit-in-a-cave kind of way. It’s fun to be out amongst the other humans even if you choose not to engage with them.

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    • At least I got a post out of it. One gets very spoiled tooling around alone – life is very simple when you can come and go as you please. I sound like a narcissistic hermit, I know, but the atmosphere and experience definitely changes with a Trudy.

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  3. LMAO, but I must ask, why is a nice low-maintenance babe like yourself even friends w/Trudy?

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    • She’s my round the corner neighbor of many years, and I just can’t blow off everyone. Actually I could but am in the throes practicing part-time tolerance. I lapse from time to time.

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  4. Vasca says:

    Don’t blow Trudy off…she’s worth your time and probably you’re worth more to her than you’ll ever know. I figure it doesn’t do me irreparable harm to step up when someone I’m not just crazy to hang with…begs me to ‘please’. So they talk too loud, talk too much and sometimes drive you batty…it does no harm. You’re a compassionate person…when it’s needed and worthwhile. Right?
    Yeah, you are!

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  5. Rob says:

    I was surprised to hear that you’d go to a bar on your own. Not many women I know would do that. Both Maeve and my big sister Kath would be fine as they both used to be publicans, but it’s rare in Britain.
    Good post: thanks for sharing.
    Rob.

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