Calm down, this is not a porn post, it’s about the foods we eat and when you consider all the meat we consume my title is quite apt.
I myself don’t eat beef, pork or lamb. Years ago I bonded with a cow in upstate New York so that took care of steak for the rest of my life and after learning the lamb is the most defenseless animal on the planet, that took care of that.
Who said bah?
As far as pork goes, an ex-boyfriend of mine had a pet pig called Sandy and well, bacon after that lost its appeal. I kept seeing Sandy on rye.
I do still eat modest amounts of fish and fowl but who knows for how long. I recently was on a van coasting through Queens and when we stopped at a light I saw crates of chickens being dropped off at a butcher. Feathers can make a big impression on a girl.
As far as fish go, if I bond with shrimp or a salmon I’ll be in serious trouble since that would mean a diet of sheer carbs and size 14 would be right around the corner.
This rant started last night when I went to Trudy’s for dinner. She had been on a cleanse, if you will, for 4 days trying to knock off some weight and decided maybe it was time for a real meal.
It was simple fare of steamed mussels and clams washed down with a vat of white wine so one could say it was an okay feast. This Italian of course could have used a little bread but that wasn’t on the cleanser’s menu.
“You eat like a bird,” she kept saying. “You are so thin – how much do you weigh?”
I can handle hearing this once but when it’s repeated 30 times throughout the course of the evening it starts to fray my nerves.
She’s waiting for me to tell her that I have an eating disorder which I don’t. I’m thin for perfectly legitimate reasons. For starters I only had one helping, not 4.
I also don’t advocate an over the counter cleanse unless you really know what you’re doing since it’s too much of a shock to your system. The other thing is, you need to make the transition back to solids gently. Creatures from the deep were probably not the best way to go – steamed veggies or some fruit might have been a wiser choice, but again, no one asked me.
Plus the 7 pounds of water she lost will be coming back round the mountain after another 2 meals.
I’m not a diet guru by any means, but if you want to be slim and healthy you need to watch what you eat, how much you eat and when you do your eating.
In other words, learn to feed yourself properly. Diets are temporary because the minute you stop ingesting only grapefruits or protein or whatever fad you’re following, it all creeps back.
Just now I had a HUGE breakfast, my favorite meal of the day. It’s after I run before sitting down to write and I honestly look forward to it.
I always have a snack mid-morning and never skip lunch that also is hearty. The meal I keep small is dinner.
Because I don’t need all that fuel at the end of my day and my organs need to rest while I sleep.
If I have to go out at night I have small portions of simple food.
And no, I’m not usually hungry. Do I fall off the wagon say into a pint of Haagen Dazs? Absolutely, but then I have to go through a couple days of feeling sluggish and depressed.
I know sugar isn’t good for me so instead of anti-depressants I stay clear of sweets. It really makes the difference, at least for me.
When I have an Oreo attack I’m always sorry afterwards. Yes, they taste great but the price I pay is high. For days I’m moaning of how awful I feel. Even my skin takes a hit. Acne in your twilight years is anything but alluring. I think it actually scares people.
It’s trial and error, cause and effect; however you want to describe it, but it’s worth doing because of how much better you feel.
I’m not a size 4 because of luck – vigilance, constancy, discipline. Don’t get me wrong, things are falling on me too but it’s more of a graceful slide rather than a plummet from the 33rd floor.
You don’t have to be fat over 50, you really don’t. You can choose differently.
“Susannah, you’re so thin.”
“Yes, I know.”
“How much do you weigh?”
“Do you know you eat like a bird?”
“Yes I do. That’s why I tend to fly around and sing in the shower.”
“No thanks, I’ve had more than enough.”