Yes, it sounds like I’m describing a cocktail of sorts when actually I’m referring to the feeling of fear or as they break it down in 12 Step – false evidence appearing real.
I like that explanation – it makes me feel better.
I’m a chronic worrier by nature, comes with the territory of being alone. You constantly surround yourself with ‘what ifs’ that frankly if you’re not careful can drive you slightly nuts.
This often happens to me in the middle of the night. I suddenly awaken from a deep sleep, ‘shaken and stirred’ over things that may never happen. My heart pounds, I need water…it’s such a scary moment when the only thing you hear at 3 in the morning is your own paranoia.
I use 12 Step sayings regularly since they’re an immediate comfort. One day at a time, stay where your feet are, let go and let God all help me get back to sleep along with naming all the presidents.
Tricks stored up my nighty, as it were.
It’s quite a feat to let go and let God since it means you have to trust. That’s a hard one for me. Will I really be taken care of no matter what? So far I have but will it continue? Will I stay in God’s active file or end up in his slush pile? What if he staffs me out to an apostle.
Another trick I find helpful is gratitude. That bails me out as well. I tend to focus on what isn’t working too well rather than the stuff that is. When I turn it around things become instantly better.
I was upset that a couple of friends didn’t remember my birthday but turned my thoughts to those that had and realized they outnumbered the former. Such an easy tweak that made a world of difference. I went from feeling forgotten to loved without passing go.
It dawned on me this morning as I was walking to the track how lucky I am after running for over 30 years to have no active injuries. It’s almost unheard of. Caleb, a trainer I know, said I should leave my knees to science. I tell him there’s a perfectly simple explanation, I’ve never abused the privilege by not running more than 6 miles at a time. All that Marathon racing is what causes so many problems for the average runner.
My needs, though not lavish, are pretty much met. It helps to live simply but still. I am so fortunate on many different levels.
I find my fear quiets down when I remind myself that for now, at this moment if I take one day at a time all is well before segueing into a list of our national leaders. Then before I know it I’m sleeping like a baby.
John Quincy Adams
Martin Van Buren
William Henry Harrison
James Knox Polk