Shaken and Stirred

Yes, it sounds like I’m describing a cocktail of sorts when actually I’m referring to the feeling of fear or as they break it down in 12 Step – false evidence appearing real.

I like that explanation – it makes me feel better.

I’m a chronic worrier by nature, comes with the territory of being alone. You constantly surround yourself with ‘what ifs’ that frankly if you’re not careful can drive you slightly  nuts.

This often happens to me in the middle of the night. I suddenly awaken from a deep sleep, ‘shaken and stirred’ over things that may never happen. My heart pounds, I need water…it’s such a scary moment when the only thing you hear at 3 in the morning is your own paranoia.

I use 12 Step sayings regularly since they’re an immediate comfort. One day at a time, stay where your feet are, let go and let God all help me get back to sleep along with naming all the presidents.

Tricks stored up my nighty, as it were.

It’s quite a feat to let go and let God since it means you have to trust. That’s a hard one for me. Will I really be taken care of no matter what? So far I have but will it continue? Will I stay in God’s active file or end up in his slush pile? What if he staffs me out to an apostle.

Another trick I find helpful is gratitude. That bails me out as well. I tend to focus on what isn’t working too well rather than the stuff that is. When I turn it around things become instantly better.

I was upset that a couple of friends didn’t remember my birthday but turned my thoughts to those that had and realized they outnumbered the former. Such an easy tweak that made a world of difference. I went from feeling forgotten to loved without passing go.

It dawned on me this morning as I was walking to the track how lucky I am after running for over 30 years to have no active injuries. It’s almost unheard of. Caleb, a trainer I know, said I should leave my knees to science. I tell him there’s a perfectly simple explanation, I’ve never abused the privilege by not running more than 6 miles at a time. All that Marathon racing is what causes so many problems for the average runner.

My needs, though not lavish, are pretty much met. It helps to live simply but still. I am so fortunate on many different levels.

I find my fear quiets down when I remind myself that for now, at this moment if I take one day at a time all is well before segueing into a list of our national leaders. Then before I know it I’m sleeping like a baby.

George Washington

John Adams

Thomas Jefferson

James Madison

James Monroe

John Quincy Adams

Andrew Jackson

Martin Van Buren

William Henry Harrison

John Tyler

James Knox Polk

Zachary Taylor…



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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17 Responses to Shaken and Stirred

  1. Happy Birthday! I hope I’m just fashionable late with my wishes. Great post and oh so very true. I’m still waiting for someone to find the “switch” on our minds, sometimes “off” is necessary. It’s so easy to waste time with negative thoughts..I should know, I’m a pro.


    • Just this morning I went to have coffee at 6 a.m. and was accosted by a woman I know who only spewed negative things. I felt pelted with sh-t. I mean it.

      I want to be happy with what is. The alternative steals your peace. This of course is a work in progress.


  2. gmg says:

    Such a lovely and comforting blog, Susannah. You have a lot of wisdom.


  3. D. D. Syrdal says:

    Wonderful, wonderful. And Happy Birthday! (whenever it was/is). It’s true that most of the things we worry about never happen, but for me, Worrier Extraordinaire™, it’s more like disaster preparedness. I feel better knowing I have a contingency plan, should the worst happen. I don’t know things always seem more dire in the dead of night.


    • I love disaster preparedness. I knew a woman, well I still know her, that is more than a little prepared for another terrorist attack complete with gas mask and enough Tang and canned goods to carry her over into her next life.

      I truly try to loosen those reins of fear that grip me so but well, as you say, things seem more dire in the dead of night.


  4. jimmie chew says:

    happy bday, i wish you told me when it was, i would have sent flowers (or shoes)
    Lots of love,
    Jimmie Chew and the gang!


  5. Rob says:

    Can you really name them all from memory? I’m impressed!


  6. backonmyown says:

    Happy Birthday. I really can’t come close to naming all the Presidents, especially not in order.

    I, too , have difficulty falling to sleep fairly often. I’ve given the 12-step sayings a run for the money many times.

    Sleep well!


  7. A belated Happy Birthday to you, Susannah!!!! Was it Bastille Day? You are something else, I admire that you run 6 miles a day. Keep on keeping on and thanks for sharing yourself with us, I appreciate the inspiration.


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