Sex On The Second Floor

You read about buildings like mine in novels and cheesy screenplays never thinking they actually exist. That prewar 7 story structure now wedged in-between the garish new. Despite its issues, it continues to stand but unless, like me, you’re a lover of all things old you barely notice it.

The facade may appear dated and staid but what goes on within its walls is another matter entirely.

When I came home the other night did I get a surprise. One of my neighbors was engaged in some heavy carnal activity making it impossible for me to get up the stairs to my apartment. Like many erections of its kind (pun intended), there is no elevator.

After regaining my composure, not so easily lost living in New York as long as I have, I cleared my throat hoping they’d get the message. Come to find out, I was no match for hallway lust.

My neighbor of 12 years or so is a very passionate gal. Despite walls supposedly built thick as a pyramid, I learned this her first week in residence. This is why it did not surprise me she didn’t notice nor hear me.

One could say she gives focus all new meaning.

I went back out to regroup since I really didn’t know what to do. I like this person and even though I shouldn’t have been, the embarrassed one was me.

She had to take on a roommate to help pay the rent which explains why they were going at it in the hallway but still, I really needed to get to my apartment. After working all day I was ready to drop.

I decided to call her on her cell.

After a series of rings she breathlessly picked up.

“hah, hah, hah, hullo?”

“Hi, it’s me Susannah and well, I hate to bother you but I need to go home and you’re kinda blocking the stairwell. Could you at least move over a bit? I’ll be quick and try not to disturb you.

What was I saying, and why wasn’t I mad? This is the same girl who has kept me up countless times having sex like it was 1985. This is how I got through War and Peace. I’d read till her oohs and aahs called it a night. You can imagine how delighted I was when her roommate moved in cramping her style.

The other thing is, she’s young and healthy and I can’t help feeling a little happy for her. You should have sex in your 30s, tons of it, so you can remember what it’s like in your 50s.

Wish someone whispered that to me.

“I’m so sorry Susannah,” she said, rather horrified.

“Oh it’s alright but I’m going to come back in now, okay?”

When I crept up they were both seated on the step like two naughty school kids. Her mascara was smeared and his zipper was at half mast. To my idiotic credit I pretended it was just any other evening.

“So how’s work?” She looked at me like I was nuts, a fair assessment.

“You’re not mad?”

“Mad about what?” I said, winking at her.

The next time I ask her to ask her roommate to open the window when he chain smokes that carton of Luckies, I hope she remembers this.

I took ‘Love thy neighbor’ to new heights…

well, to the second floor at least.


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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24 Responses to Sex On The Second Floor

  1. I guess that is crossed off her bucket list. Oh well, I would have been more upset if her roomate was smoking in the hall as well.


  2. Rob says:

    I’m curious to know how the hallway is superior to her apartment as a venue for shagging, or are they just given to exhibitionism? I admire your calm.


    • Her roommate was home and it’s only a 1 bedroom so there really isn’t much privacy to be had. The apartment is tiny despite 2 rooms. It’s Noo Yawk Rob…we live in closets.


      • Rob says:

        I think sex in a closet is preferable to sex in the (semi-public) hallway and I’m no prude!


      • I agree. I was just giving you more info Rob. Think back to when you were 30. I remember doing it on a plane in the restroom over the Rocky Mountains. Lust has few requirements remember..


      • Rob says:

        I can’t aspire to your international jet-setter life-style Susannah. The raciest place I’ve managed is in a lake. I think my appetite is the same now as it was at thirty. It’s only the opportunities that have changed.


      • Hmm…for the record, that jet-setter life-style has been over for some time. Appetites. I still have one, it’s just a lot pickier.


  3. manty67 says:

    Brilliant. I can only imagine something like that happening to you. I admire your calm and how you handled it 😀 x


    • I do have this built-in Connecticut reserve that shows up unexpectedly. I’ve gotten furious at her over the smoking business. I had to put strips of metal around my front door the smell got so bad and she was pretty indifferent to my upset. However, getting shagged in the hallway to borrow Rob’s term seemed like small potatoes compared to that. Go figure…


  4. I admire her enthusiasm and composure to answer the phone. Seems like you 2 have a lot in common….


  5. backonmyown says:

    Thank you, Susannah. You have started my day with a guffaw. I don’t think the second floor is high enough for the mile-high club. I must say you handled that tacky situation with aplomb and good grace.


    • I’ve decided it was due to fatigue. Living in New York for so long I’ve seen many things that would make your head spin like Sybil. One other time a kid was fast asleep in the lobby still wearing his hospital bracelet. I remember waking him rather than calling the police. He looked like a doctor’s son with an addiction. My friends all thought I was insane not calling the cops. On the other hand I’ve called them for a lot less. I’m peculiar, I’ll just admit it.


  6. D. D. Syrdal says:

    One wonders why the hallway/stairwell was considered more private than her apartment… 8-o I had to leave my room in the barracks once while my roommate was noisily getting busy in her bunk with a Marine. Honestly, couldn’t they have used a restaurant bathroom or something with a door attached? You are the Queen of Cool for how you handled that 😉


  7. Jed says:

    This is terrific. I love, “Could you at least move over a bit.” Great visual. I suppose it’s more daring, thus hotter, to maul each other in a hallway (maulway?) although I for one would find those hard surfaces disagreeable. Oh well.


  8. Alva Chinn says:

    Always amusing! You took civility to a new level!!!!


  9. Wow! You took it to new heights for sure. My first apartment in Chicago had an outdoor courtyard and all the doors faced out into the courtyard. I caught my neighbor one late night (4 AM) with her hands propped up on my door having fun with what I presume was a passionate guy she met at the bar earlier that night. I did the same as you, cough, at which point I startled them to the point that she and the guy took off running in the opposite direction. She moved out shortly after that – I have to believe it was partially because of being caught in the quickie.


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