I don’t really know what’s the matter with me but I’ve been waking up every morning feeling like Billy Holiday.
It’s a pity I can’t sing.
I’m experiencing a low-grade siege of sadness I can’t seem to shake. A mourning of sorts without being able to quite define its origin.
I wrote the other day about illness which may have ignited this unheralded gloom. Of all the sad events I’ve been witness to of late, I think the passing of Chester the Beagle was what may have put me over the edge.
I won’t be able to spar with his mistress about him anymore, something I really enjoyed. He was even going to be the ring bearer at my imaginary wedding. I suppose as long as it stays that way, he can still be there standing on Brooklyn Bridge with my wedding band Velcroed to his paw.
His mother, a mutual animal lover, is as ridiculous as I am, and that’s meant so well.
In the midst of my despair, no one knows better than me how blessed we are to have a sense of humor, the only thing that’s keeping my head presently out of the oven.
The other thing I’ve noticed is how my entire being, as it walks around draped in melancholy, looks for it like a miner searching for gold.
Just a few minutes ago, I watched a little kid argue with her father because she couldn’t bring her Easy Bake Oven, that was for whatever reason in the backseat of their SUV, into the restaurant they were entering. She thought it would be nice to bake something while she was in there.
She was adamant, she was relentless, she was 3.
I stood on my steps smiling at her cuteness wondering if her father was thinking what I was thinking: previews of coming attractions.
“CHAPERONE, I’M 12!”
“What do ya mean I can’t have the car? Can’t Gramma take a cab to the doctors?”
“I know he’s old enough to be you, but I love-em Daddy.”
I went into my building actually laughing as I climbed the stairs. By the time I was putting the key in the door my laughter had turned to tears.
Life is sad sometimes. I guess the trick is to look for light and beauty and those Easy Bake Ovens (that your head won’t fit into) to remind yourself it’s also incredibly wonderful.
Life lesson, no# 1,349, 62.