Tuesdays With Mittens – Part 1

Mittens was a cat I had long ago with a personality like a prison guard. She died 15   years ago this month. I wrote this in memory of her.      

She was a great kitty…with an edge.      

“Aren’t you ever getting up?” said Mittens, slapping her paw against Susannah’s
cheek. “Come on, snap out of it…it’s a beautiful day.”

“Would you go away,”  Susannah said rolling over, knocking her off the bed. “I mean it Mittens, I just want to be left alone.”

“Not so fast,” said Mittens, hopping back on, “you can’t sleep all day, again…I won’t permit it, besides, it’s affecting my digestion?”

“It’s always about you Mittens isn’t it…your needs, your wants. Can’t you see I’m having a crisis?”

“Oh please! If I hear it’s all “down hill for you” one more time I’m going to cough up a hair ball so big you’ll trip on it. Then you’ll be sorry.”

“You could be a little nicer to me under the circumstances,” I said, throwing a pillow over my head. You know I’m about to turn 59.”

“Well I’m 74 in cat years and you don’t hear me crying do you. The two of us should go out and celebrate. How does sushi sound?”

“How about you go take one of your many naps and let me die in peace.”

“Oh, here we go. Is this when you threaten to turn the oven on or our we now going
to write a new will – don’t forget, I get your bonds and the flat screen TV.”

“You are the meanest cat I have ever had,” I said, hurling my pillow in Mitten’s direction. “Missy would have never said something like that to me.”

“Missy was an enabler. If she were still here she’d be under those damned covers with
you; Doom and Gloom back together again, and once and for all, I am not Missy.”

“Don’t I know it since she made ten of you.”

“That’s right, she did. Missy was very fat as I remember.”

“She was not. Miss was just a big girl, and she really understood what a sensitive
woman I am, unlike you who clearly couldn’t care less.”

“How can you say that? Of course I care. If I didn’t I’d be sitting in the window
watching birds instead of wasting my time watching you, which, for the record,
is getting pretty dull.”

“What you’re after is another can of Friskies, you’re not fooling me.”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. You know what your problem is?”

“What, you’re a shrink now?”

“You let things affect you too much. You need to be more like me, sassy and self-possessed. So what, you’re getting older, big deal.”

“It is a big deal. Unlike yourself I only have one life. What are you on, number 6?”

“Hey, it’s only five, thank you very much.”

“Don’t you understand I’m going through menopause?”

“So am I.”

“Cats do not go through menopause.”

“That’s what you think. Haven’t you ever wondered why I’m always on the ledge
catching a breeze. You at least don’t have to deal with damp fur like I do. You
should count your blessings. But you know, since there’s nothing I can do about it, I just
move on – a tip I could suggest to you.”

“If you don’t shut up I’m going to lock you in the bathroom.”

“Oh yeah? How would you like I do the tarantella on your nightstand?”

“Mittens, I’m warning you.”

“Bitch bitch bitch, you’re always bitching.”

“Watch your mouth young lady, you’re from Connecticut don’t forget.”

“No I’m not, you are. I’m from the Bronx.”

to be continued…             get-attachment-7


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, Health, humor, Love, Uncategorized, women, writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to Tuesdays With Mittens – Part 1

  1. We all need a Mittens in our lives … that is for certain.


  2. Rob says:

    Not many people I know could have an arguement with a cat and lose. 😉
    I think you captured the feline haughty selfishness very well: another good read.


  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    Cats have very distinct personalities. My Monkey cat (siamese) lived to be almost 24 years old. Every cat I’ve had has been unique. And yes, it is all about them.


    • 24, WOW…that’s quite a run…she was like the play, Old Calcutta…I know what distinct personalities they have…Mittens was a rascal where Missy was a saint. One would purr, the other hiss over the same thing. I loved them both…such pals.


  4. manty67 says:

    Lovely story, looking forward to reading the rest 🙂


  5. Michael says:

    The personification is awesome. Very good read and I am looking forward to the rest.


  6. Jed says:

    I don’t know about you, but I did hear that she was indeed going through menopaws.


  7. manty67 says:

    Hi, I love reading your blog and so have nominated you for a wonderful team member award. Please follow this link to the details http://manty67.wordpress.com/2013/04/24/wednesday-award
    I do hope you feel you can join in 


    • How sweet are you…I’m just so cyberly challenged that I never know how to post something of that nature on my site. I think people think I’m snooty but that’s not it…I’m inept on WordPress. Today I tried reducing the size of a photo and it became the width of a Rembrandt. I’m very touched that you did that..


  8. backonmyown says:

    🙂 I’m looking forward to Part II.


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