Whenever I want to give any man I know a little token of my esteem, I go to a great bakery and buy him a good old-fashioned tart adding a naughty note that says…

The one thing every man wants.

It’s always a big hit.

As I was coming out of my door this morning to do just that, my two next door neighbors exited at the same time. The timing was so perfect it could have been scripted.

Allow me to describe our differences at 9:15 in the morning.

I have on black, baggie pants, a Give Peace A Chance T-shirt and a hoodie.

They’re both wearing Daisy Mae shorts that are so tight their thighs were screaming for help. Where my boobs weren’t even up yet, theirs were peeking over their skimpy blouses like perky puppies saying hello.

I also couldn’t help thinking how brave they were in spike heels at that hour. I would have undoubtedly fallen head first right down the stairs.

Why am I comparison shopping? Because tarts have more fun, that’s why.

Alright, so I’m not sure the two of them are truly tarts, but they certainly dress as if they were. And we mustn’t forget all that sex they have I can hear through the wall…these gals are doing something right I’ll tell ya.

We all left together so I purposely watched them careen down the street like go-go dancers en route to Vegas.

Yup…heads turned alright. A guy on his cell phone tripped on the curb as they went by.

Another one jumped out of the way like they were a float in a parade.

Even the two women eating croissants on the bench outside stared while crumbs peppered their running attire.

“Maxine, would’ja look at that? Such ambition.”

“I’ll say.”

And no, no one looked at me as I made my way to Greenbergs to purchase that tart.

What I should have done was get Heckel and Jeckel’s number to slip into the card.

My friend is very cute and rich so something tells me they wouldn’t have minded.

But alas, I am from Connecticut, the Nutmeg State, where manners prevail and pastry is as far as my conscience permits me to go…


too bad…



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Beauty, Fashion, food, friendship, humor, New York City, Uncategorized, women, Women and men and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

24 Responses to Tarts

  1. 1959duke says:

    Reblogged this on Change is Never Ending.


  2. Great story! Love it πŸ™‚ Thank you for brightening my evening.


  3. micklively says:

    I am severely puzzled by the motivation of women like that. Allowing for generalisation, they seem to have a morbid fear of not attracting male attention, even when they don’t want male attention. If I’m right, that’s a seriously fucked-up version of logic.
    I’ll take a Give Peace A Chance tee, any day. πŸ˜‰


  4. jimmie chew says:

    Give tarts a chance!


  5. skinnyuz2b says:

    Ha ha, Susannah. Our two guinea hens are named Heckle and Jeckle. Oh, to be young again. But only if I get to know then, what I know now!
    A guy in a speedo turns heads, too. But it does NOT mean we want him. It’s sort of like not being able to stop looking at road kill.


    • Yes, I wish I was wiser then and younger now. Alas Skinny, it just doesn’t work like that. Speedos…ugh…my least favorite look. Men should be fined for wearing them…all that business of theirs front and center. Just give me a baggy bathing suit flapping around a good lookin guy’s thighs any day of the week, but that nylon thong gives me the perpetual creeps


  6. katecrimmins says:

    I agree with Skinny on the roadkill comment. Sometimes it’s just too bizarre and you have to stare. Not that you are really interested. Our temperatures dropped here and I would freeze in that outfit in the morning (not that I would wear it anyway). I would love a “Give Peace a Chance” tee! That must be an oldtimer.


    • It sure is… it looks positively moth eaten. I know, it’s freezing. I’m here still in my Barbour jacket…can’t bear to take it off…and yes…roadkill was a perfect analogy. Skinny can be very funny πŸ™‚


  7. btlal2013 says:

    Your post made me smile 😊 you’re a beautiful clever woman that will soon be discovered by the one that will appreciate all of you! πŸ˜‰


  8. my feet hurt just reading about heels…, I feel the need to pull something out of where my daisy dukes could ride if I ever wore them and at my age, what would hang out of my daisy dukes would be what was so perky on the top side of these two girls…
    Great idea for a tart…. only I would most likely eat it before it got to where it was going. Loved the post, DAF


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