Why do poodle owners give this smart, sweet breed haircuts that make them look like porn stars? It’s a phenomenon I hold in serious question.
My friend Linda has a poodle who looks nothing like it has a 24-hour answering service. Ruby, though always smartly coiffed, looks more Polo than Fredericks of Hollywood.
She’s also cuddly and cute, the way she tools around as if she’s going places, like the library or perhaps the gym. (photo Leigh Carlson) See what I mean? Her collar is well fitted but discreet, plus she shaves her nose every day the way I do my legs. In other words, Ruby’s vigilant but reasonable when it comes to her looks.
Babette, on the other hand, looked as if she has a standing manicure appointment the way her paws are filed to a point.
What’s my point?
You think it’s normal she can’t play ball for fear of breaking a nail? And my other wonder is, why are poodle owners notoriously fat.
My pal Linda isn’t, but of course she has a pet, not a four-legged trapeze artist.
Some pet lovers lavish so much attention on their animals that they lose themselves in the process. I also noticed this at the cat show I attend every year. The most beautiful felines you have ever seen…brushed like Breck girls owned by circus people.
I approached a Himalayan with the bluest eyes. She had a rhinestone color and a little chain with the name Isabella etched in gold like Carrie’s on Sex and the City. All she needed was a throne and scepter. Her mother, on the other hand, had on lime green peddle pushers and a sweat shirt that said, Jesus loves all of me. He’s very magnanimous that Jesus.
When I had Missy, my last cat, she was very casual but clean. I didn’t drive either one of us nuts with baths and baubles. Come to think of it, if I ever tried putting a necklace on her she would have choked me with it.
But back to Babette the poodle. She was coming out of Bloomingdales who apparently are porn friendly, when I met her and Jeannie Ann who acted as if she was walking Joan Collins. The poor dog shook every time the wind blew since her little, white derriere was shaved like she was going in for a procedure.
I whispered to her, “I’m going to call the authorities to get you some help.”
She whispered back, “Make sure you tell them she refused to buy me that Tom Ford celadon green turtleneck that looked utterly divine on me…she can be such a bitch sometimes.”
I then thought, this might be a good day to stop drinking at lunch.
PS There are no pictures of Babette since she charged a fee.