A Poodle Off Her Noodle

Why do poodle owners give this smart, sweet breed haircuts that make them look like porn stars? It’s a phenomenon I hold in serious question.

My friend Linda has a poodle who looks nothing like it has a 24-hour answering service. Ruby, though always smartly coiffed, looks more Polo than Fredericks of Hollywood.

She’s also cuddly and cute, the way she tools around as if she’s going places, like the library or perhaps the gym.Β  get-attachment-4 (photo Leigh Carlson) See what I mean? Her collar is well fitted but discreet, plus she shaves her nose every day the way I do my legs. In other words, Ruby’s vigilant but reasonable when it comes to her looks.

Babette, on the other hand, looked as if she has a standing manicure appointment the way her paws are filed to a point.

What’s my point?

You think it’s normal she can’t play ball for fear of breaking a nail? And my other wonder is, why are poodle owners notoriously fat.

My pal Linda isn’t, but of course she has a pet, not a four-legged trapeze artist.

Some pet lovers lavish so much attention on their animals that they lose themselves in the process. I also noticed this at the cat show I attend every year. The most beautiful felines you have ever seen…brushed like Breck girls owned by circus people.

I approached a Himalayan with the bluest eyes. She had a rhinestone color and a little chain with the name Isabella etched in gold like Carrie’s on Sex and the City. All she needed was a throne and scepter. Her mother, on the other hand, had on lime green peddle pushers and a sweat shirt that said, Jesus loves all of me. He’s very magnanimous that Jesus.

When I had Missy, my last cat, she was very casual but clean. I didn’t drive either one of us nuts with baths and baubles. Come to think of it, if I ever tried putting a necklace on her she would have choked me with it.

But back to Babette the poodle. She was coming out of Bloomingdales who apparently are porn friendly, when I met her and Jeannie Ann who acted as if she was walking Joan Collins. The poor dog shook every time the wind blew since her little, white derriere was shaved like she was going in for a procedure.

I whispered to her, “I’m going to call the authorities to get you some help.”

She whispered back, “Make sure you tell them she refused to buy me that Tom Ford celadon green turtleneck that looked utterly divine on me…she can be such a bitch sometimes.”

I then thought, this might be a good day to stop drinking at lunch.

SB

PSΒ  There are no pictures of Babette since she charged a fee.

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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22 Responses to A Poodle Off Her Noodle

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    I agree, Susannah. My parent’s friends had a poodle without the standard cut. It was so cute and cuddly.
    I rescued an old gray Persian with matted hair. He had to have a poodle cut and was so embarrassed. I called him ‘Lion Kitty until his hair grew back, then he became Teddy. A few monthes after getting Teddy, I rescued Carmella (she came with the name), a three year old Himalayan. She was so traumatized that it took two years before she’d sit by me and I never was able to hold her in my lap. However, at the same time she started sitting by me, she also began sleeping beside me on my bed.
    I love your observations.

    Like

    • You should, if I may suggest, elaborate on Teddy and Carmella in an essay…I immediately saw a kid’s book Skinny…The Adventures Of. I love the image of her as Lion Kitty…it’s to your credit that they finally decided to trust you…animals are so smart so they know when it’s safe to jump on that bed πŸ™‚

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  2. Hahaha! What I would have given to see those lime green peddle pushers and sweat shirt….Dear Lord! Although I am not to the level of crazy (yet), I must admit that Peanut (half poodle) does wear a multi-colored bow tie every day and looks incredibly dapper. With these cold mornings he has informed me that a nice argyle sweater would look incredible on him. What can I say I am the proud owner of a four legged Tim Gunn.

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    • If you had seen those green cigarette pants…and no they weren’t chic…Jeannie Ann was a smoker…you would have had to sit down. And as far as my pal Peanut’s bow tie goes…he’s a gentleman…what’s the matter with that? Now if he wore briefs that matched then we’d have a Reality Show…LIVE FROM PHILLY…

      Like

  3. micklively says:

    My advice: get a collie. They have self-maintaining gorgeousness, built in, as standard, for free. They can frolick in the mud to their heart’s content and, by the time they’ve dried out, all the muck has dropped off, and they look well-groomed once more. Just think of the grief that saves!

    Like

  4. jimmie chew says:

    omg i think i’m on my way,
    (i just need the sweat shirt)

    Like

    • Your cats are normal cats…they don’t prance around like baton twirlers…Jimmie, let’s face it, you could have been in On The Waterfront you’re so masculine and yes, Poupette is a bit of a coquette but it’s natural…no one sent her to charm school if you know what I mean. Have I made my point πŸ™‚

      Like

  5. katecrimmins says:

    My friend had a poodle without the stupid cut. She was just gorgeous! None of my cats would tolerate even a collar let along anything else including a bath. They do their own bath. I only help when they get in over their head like rolling in poop! Accidently of course, after all they are cats.

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  6. Lisa says:

    That last bit made me laugh πŸ™‚

    Like

  7. kerrycooks says:

    I’m glad you tackled this subject Susannah as it occupies my mind too whenever I see a poor poofed up poodle! Do their owners enjoy making them look silly? Do they not realise that all the other dogs are probably making fun of them? Troubling.

    Like

    • It’s amazing how the culprits think they’re enhancing them. Poodles were meant to be silly and shaggie. They’re smart, funny…and I know they know they look ridiculous with a barber cut. Nice hearing from you Kerry.

      Like

  8. this was hilarious!! my Shugo has a red bow tie that he only allows us to put on him at Christmas. We try anything else at any other time of the year and we look like we have lost the battle and we have. He is a man’s man. If he were human, he’s be John Wayne, he lifts his leg on any small dog, maltese, pom’s, bischon’s… anything smaller than 25 lbs and he sniffs and lifts… I don’t think he would fit into NYC very well. Our oldest did take him to Nordstom’s once when she worked there… he had a fun time in the women’s section… not certain how the janitors liked it later on.

    Like

  9. Patricia says:

    When I was a kid I had a poodle. We kept her in a puppy cut except for the one time I insisted on a “fancy” cut. She was so embarrassed she didn’t come out from under the bed for a week.

    Like

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