Hygiene For Dummies

If you smelled, wouldn’t you know? I can detect underarm sweat that needs to be swabbed with one good sniff. It makes me want to teach a class in hygiene at The Learning Annex, for free.

I remember every Christmas my mother got my father soap on a rope. I forget the kind, probably Old Spice since that’s what he wore, but it was always hanging in the shower to remind us to scrub those pits.

I realize, like anything else, cleanliness needs to be taught, but I ask you…WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL It should be right up there with Thou Shall Not Kill and Love Thy Neighbor, just in column B.

I’m on the train, and this straphanger standing in front of me smells like gym socks. I had to concentrate not to gag. He was wearing a nice shirt too. What, did he like it so much he never took it off?

I hop in a taxi because I’m late and the backseat smells like a gym locker. I  jump out at the light gasping for air.

The guy across the hall makes me hold my breath whenever I see him. He tries making conversation but causes me to hurry before I pass out. Is he playing football in his apartment with the windows shut? Why the BO first thing in the morning? No wonder I never see him with a girl. Plus he smokes. If one has the desire to remember OTB (Off Track Betting), all you’d have to do is spend five minutes in his presence with your eyes closed.

My pal Joanne was madly in love with an obstetrician with an odor issue. You had to ask yourself, what about his practice and all those women going into premature labor. I think it was to speed things up so they’d move on to Pediatrics sooner than later. For Joanne, it became a real problem.

She’d leave deodorant all over his house hoping he’d get the hint. Short of wearing a crucifix to ward it off, she finally gave up and started dating a high-end butcher.

You would think he’d be the one who needed the Mennen Speed Stick, but Joanne said, he smelled like the sea. Must have been the salt on all that beef.

Our body is our temple, as they say, so I implore everyone to please keep it clean and tidy. Carry Glade in your shirt pocket if necessary.

It makes you wonder if BO is contributing to global warming.

If I were a bee or bird, I’d sure interrupt my routine for a farm fresh scent.

Wouldn’t you?

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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18 Responses to Hygiene For Dummies

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Right again, Susannah. At a previous work place, a few of us tried an intervention type thing with a smelly female co-worker. While on break, we began a conversation about deoderant. Smelly proudly announced, “I don’t use deoderant.” Another worker (I wasn’t brave, rude, enough) answered, “We ALL know you don’t.” Smelly let the comment pass right over her head and said, “I don’t need it.” Despite our continued discussion about how everyone needs it, we failed our mission. So maybe the old saying is true, ‘A skunk can’t smell itself.’

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  2. Elle Knowles says:

    Oh my goodness! There is someone I know who needs to be aware of this! How do you tell someone that? And that global warming thing – its a thought!

    Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    When I worked occasionally I had to “counsel” an employee about BO issues. It was not my favorite part of the job but I did it so often I had a routine. There was one woman who stank, literally. Then she turns up pregnant. I had to ask how!

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  4. You could have a full roster at The Learning Annex! “Hygiene, Manners & Men…Yes, They Are Related.”

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  5. micklively says:

    B.O. is better than halitosis, but that’s about all you can say for it.

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  6. D. D. Syrdal says:

    I suppose it’s true that you can’t smell yourself, as often as you run across this. My ex-husband went through a period where he quit using deodorant. That wasn’t what broke us up, he eventually came to his senses. I don’t understand why people think they’re immune to the bacteria that causes BO.

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  7. BO is the worst… Maybe we should all be like SNL’s Mary Catherine Gallager… oooh, that’s bad…

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