To Give Or Not To Give

I’m generous by nature. I get it from my grandfather who would have given away his vital organs if he could have somehow done without them. I could just see one of his kidneys wrapped in last year’s Christmas paper with a note that said…I have two of these…perhaps you could use one.

I’ve always been a giver, but lately have been encountering a certain amount of stinginess in my midst, even from good friends.

The big question…when someone is cheap with you do you respond in kind or remain the example expressing bighearted benevolence?

The first thing I needed to tell myself was someone else’s penny-pinching has nothing to do with my value as a human being. Just because they don’t have the desire to share doesn’t reduce one’s worth.

That was a huge illumination for me taking the sting out of feeling forgotten.

A friend used to take me to lunch once in a while, something I really looked forward to. It’s nice being treated, makes a girl feel good…makes anyone feel good for that matter. I’d dress up, always bring her a little something, and have the best time talking and laughing with a good pal.

I never felt bad over my friend paying until the day came when after thanking her probably for the third time, she said we wouldn’t be going for a while…her American Express bill was just too high. It was as if I’d been slapped, like it was all my fault. Wow, should have skipped that appetizer I guess and that second glass of wine. And no, it wasn’t Camille who would give you the Chanel off her back if you needed it.

Since then all kinds of negative events have occurred between us but it started with some type of discomfort on this person’s part over spending money on another.

Had to really talk myself off the roof on this one because once again, my value came into question. Jane, I’ll call her, has been so blessed with financial privilege, I knew it was something much more deeply rooted than a high credit card bill. Again, it had little to do with me. I was just hit with some emotional shrapnel that, even though is not the same as taking a bullet, still hurts like hell.

I like to give. Money is an exchange, not something to hold onto so tightly that it leaves a green stain on your palm.

The more you give away the more money seems to come back is what I’ve found…cause and effect at its best.

I guess I’ve just answered my own question.

Give and don’t look back…do not keep score or a chit list with initials in big fat letters. One’s heart works better when it’s not bogged down with fear of lack.

Life’s short after all, and when it’s all over I think I’d like to be remembered for my generosity toward others.

That’s what I would call a proud, lasting legacy.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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10 Responses to To Give Or Not To Give

  1. micklively says:

    My, you’re early today.
    I agree. If you give with a mind to what you’re likely to get back, you’re not really giving at all. I think you need to keep a weather eye out for folk who “take the piss” though.
    I could get into a debate about whether altruism is an illusion; whether the giver actually gains more than the given, but it’s too early! 😉


  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    You are right, Susannah. When you give from the heart with no thought of getting something back, it makes you feel as good as the one you gave you to. And interestingly, sometimes it’s easier to give graciously than it is to receive graciously.


    • That’s for sure. Took me many years to graciously accept a gift…my embarrassment was ten ply…also, that…I’m undeserving light would begin to flash. I realized when you don’t allow another to give to you, you’re denying them the gift of generosity. I’ve felt it both ways. Have a great day Skinny…good luck with your new job 🙂


  3. katecrimmins says:

    You are right. You should do as you feel. Really giving is about yourself more than the person on the receiving end. I have a friend who comes across generous but if you really think it’s not so much. She will give you a poinsettia on New Year’s Day when they are getting thrown out. Or something that isn’t even appropriate for you but you know she either received from someone else or won as a door prize. I don’t mind regifting at all as long as it fits. She likes to give but doesn’t like to spend money on it. I also have an extremely wealthy friend who always wanted to split the check for breakfast when I was out of a job. When I have lunch with someone who isn’t working, they don’t pay. Perhaps we feel differently than most?


    • But don’t you feel richer having this trait? I hate cheap and withholding…it baffles me for one, and two it’s what you remember about a person. You wonder what it’s like to not be generous and forthcoming. My favorite tale is about a model I know. We were working someplace obscure in ridiculously hot weather…we were sequestered in an air-conditioned motor home to keep us from wilting so I did not go out to forage for food, but Lily did. She comes back with her panini that she only eats half of, so when I ask her if I could buy it from her, I am so hungry, she says…”No, I might want it later.” Now it makes me laugh but back then I found it astounding knowing I’d never not share, especially under those circumstances. She was a beautiful creature but the only thing that comes to mind whenever her name is mentioned is that panini she might have wanted later. LOL


      • katecrimmins says:

        Yes, indeed! My memory of my very wealthy friend is making me pay half a $10 bill! I can’t even imagine not sharing. In fact, I don’t know why she didn’t ask up front if you wanted something.


      • I have one. A girl I knew who did a very wealthy woman’s hair, I mean mega wealthy, gave her a gift of the FIRST ACT ONLY, of a Broadway play. In other words, she had to cough up money for her own present. Imagine that? I remember I dated a guy who suggested we only order appetizers…luckily I was so young and hot to trot it didn’t bother me…it meant we’d end up in bed faster…LOL…the priorities of youth, how I miss them.


  4. katecrimmins says:

    I didn’t know you could get a ticket for a first act only! I loved the priorities of youth. They were simple. I missed a couple of movie endings because of lust.


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