Did I get a surprise on Saturday.
There was a letter from Saks Fifth Avenue asking if I still required an address change. Since no longer (so I thought) having an account with them, I immediately called.
Someone opened a Saks credit card in my name and charged over $9000.00 in merchandise. When I regained consciousness I asked, “How could you let someone buy that much stuff without question?”
Of course the little girl on the phone hadn’t an answer, but it shocked me. According to her screen they had my social, cell phone number, the address they wanted changed, my age (now that’s just charging way below the belt) and even my mother’s maiden name.
RING RING RING
“Lifelock, I’ve just been stolen…how could this be when I’ve engaged you to protect me?”
“You engaged us ma’am after the incident.”
A little back story…on September 30, a letter came from DELL saying that someone charged a slew of computer equipment on a card that was recently opened in my name. Before we send the shipment, we’d like to make certain it’s you.
RING RING RING
“Of course it’s not me, I’m a MAC girl.” They were at least smart enough to check.
After traipsing to the police station to fill out an Identity Theft report, due to the urging of my friends, hired Lifelock to make sure this didn’t happen again.
The man on the phone who I so wanted to slam, said stealing someone’s personal information is getting easier and easier. Then for the fourth time said, ” For $300 ma’am we’ll take over this latest theft on your behalf.” Over my dead, stolen body you will. It’s ten dollars a month to have them oversee any new activity on old or new accounts which is quite enough cash to shell out for me. His repeated persistence knowing I was under duress was a cheap shot. He was hoping my jangled nerves would fork over the 300. I’ll do the footwork on this one myself thank you very much Lifelock…or should I call you Shylock.
Do you think I’m unnerved, just a little?
Everyone has a different theory. My friend Linda thinks it was an inside job. How else could someone get away with buying so much on a new card without as much as an inquiry. That sounded right until a fellow I know who has worked at Saks for well over twenty years said, “$9000.00 isn’t considered that much merch for it to be red flagged.”
Who shops at Saks anyway? The Sheik of Arabesque? George Clooney? The Kardasians?
That’s a lot of Chanel as far as I’m concerned.
What really pisses me off besides there now being two of me is, someone is shopping when I can’t even afford tights. It’s true. I had to go to Uniglo to get them because they’re so much cheaper. I try to avoid that kind of store as a rule since in order to keep costs down, I’m afraid there’s a little Cantonese boy in some hut somewhere weaving for rice. But what’s a girl to do when her legs need covering. It’s not even 50 below yet and already I’m cold.
And Saks didn’t help.
Something tells me I better suit up because more is coming. I don’t know who these people are but to dig up my mother’s maiden name says they don’t fool around. I myself have to look it up since I always spell it wrong. When I asked Missy at Saks, how they spelled it, she said, they had it letter perfect.
These fuckers are serious alright, and if I ever find out who they are, they better blast outta Dodge…
SB…the one and only