It All Depends

I’ve been a model most of my life, and though no longer considered a glamorous one, still feel I’m  first chair, if you will, in the orchestra of flair and fashion.

Though my chin has taken a left unassisted by the surgically adept, my face ,for a fifty-plus gal, can still turn a head. Okay, it might not be George Clooney’s, but you get what I’m saying.

Sadly, despite how great you look, all an agent sees is your age that puts you in the burial file. Yes, the last cabinet by the bathroom where old models go to die.

I was requested for a Depends ad. I knew about it beforehand having been sent an email asking if I minded being submitted. I thought when I took this woman out of my contacts she would have taken that for a no, but instead, went ahead and submitted me anyway.

They’ve come up before always avoided like the plague: I’m unwell…I’m working…Sorry, I’m in Russia.

I now have an 11:15 appointment with the note…please tell the model she’ll be wearing the product at the interview…images

Oh really? You don’t say.

The thought of disappearing into the bathroom to jump in a diaper holds such little appeal. The least they could have is an open bar, and nuts. I don’t care if it is before noon. Incontinence is one thing I blissfully DO NOT suffer from, and yes, I know it’s just an ad.

But here’s the thing.

People see you proclaiming your dryness in Woman’s Day, Good Housekeeping, AARP and assume you leak in between planes or on the subway platform if you forget to add that soft, absorbent layer to your thong, which by the way, does not cooperate.

It retaliates by going up your butt a good twenty feet terrorized by the annal intrusion.

And the idea of donning a pair of undies the size of Biscayne I’m pretty sure will not see the light of day…at least my day anyway.

Camille, who was not requested so she says, told me I’m being silly and unprofessional because the job pays so well. Of course, how else would they get someone to publicly parade around with such pathetically acute panty-line?

Humiliation is pricy.

“And you’re not exactly in the position to turn down good money Susannah…think of those medical bills.”

“I think I won’t, thank-you very much…oops, got another call.”


Am I going?

Me and my thong are on the fence.

I’ll let you know…or not…

it all depends.




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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24 Responses to It All Depends

  1. If it’s any consultation, I NEVER believe that the women in those ads actually wear the product. Your beauty is there to make women feel “it’s ok” to wear those diapers, especially when exercising (not that I would know). If they ever revealed who really wore them … umm, the woman sitting in a wheel chair gazing out of the nursing home window, lord knows they would be covered with dust on the shelves….just my 2 cents. Good luck with your decision!


    • Sometimes it’s just hard to look at what I do as an impersonal business. I was actually the original Poise girl way back when. I was younger and didn’t give a hoot and the ad was so wonderful. I was sitting on a beige chaise in chic sportswear looking as poised? as can be. No other model would do it while I laughed all the way to the bank.

      I’ll probably go. Ugh!


  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    Oh Susannah, I’d be torn each way, too. At least you know a lot of famous actresses have already done it, so you’d be in good company. Why couldn’t the dripping ad be about percolated coffee?


  3. I think it would be hard to be a model sometimes, just putting your image out there in whatever context they need it in, like this. I don’t know what I’d do in your position.


  4. micklively says:

    Ask yourself this: how will you feel when someone recognizes you as the diaper lady in the street? It’s only money!


  5. jimmie chew says:

    oh i think you should go, it may help someone feel better about having to HAVE to wear them. go babes, (just wear a blond wig)


  6. katecrimmins says:

    Go for it. Think of it as a public service for women (younger women) who struggle with the whole “diaper” thing. They need to be called something else. Think of it as humanizing a problem that many women have. I got them for my sister-in-law and they are big as blazes. They have improved them but they need to make some for small women. I had to cut 3 inches off the top for her because there was too much fabric! I can’t imagine you wearing one without a big bunch sticking out. Yeah, I saw the commercial with the celebrity but she was wearing a long flowing dress rather than pants that would cup your padded arse! If I could get my sister-in-law to live in long, flowing dresses…….


    • I think Calvin Klein should get involved…or Tom Ford. He could include a pair of really cool glasses with your purchase so no one recognizes you at the drugstore.

      They are big and bunchy. Think of a baby beneath its plastic pant…ooh


  7. When I see those ads I always wonder why they get the beautiful women (like you) to do them. They need someone like me that actually looks like she wears granny panties all the time. People will see you and know that you are definitely a thong person with a strong life and bladder… Sorry… Good luck with all of this! DAF


  8. Patricia says:

    Well, you could go to the interview, try the nappies on, be interviewed, and then decide. I mean does your life depend on this? Sorry couldn’t resist 🙂


    • Don’t ever resist a crack. In my case, where would I be? The go-see is today, and I will be going. I might shoot myself at the end since I have two doctors to see beforehand. Excuse me Patricia while I fill my flask…:)


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