I’m All Shook Up

Why am I all shook up?

Because Millicent, the little Asian girl upstairs is about to give birth to Japan. She is so big I’m truly worried she’s going to tip over. The smallest of women carrying this force has quite daunted me.

Every time I see her I want to say, ‘What the hell is in there, a rhino?”

My friends, Camille and Joanne ran into her one day and even the two of them, that nothing surprises, was taken aback.

“Do you think they did it a lot more than most couples…and that’s why she’s so big?” said Joanne.

“Let’s hope so,” Camille said scaling the hallway wall to let her roll by.

The trouble is, I don’t know she and her husband very well. They’ve only moved in within the year and she wasn’t the size of Mount Fuji when they did.

She was petite and pint-sized prancing around in tights and big button-down blouses, her black, blunt-cut hair held by a tortoiseshell barrette. “Where did you get your little ballerina flats?” I’d coo, meeting her on the stairs.

It was always some obscure store in Chinatown where you’d get two pair for the price of one.

Her husband looks more like her brother…same height…same face. No, I am not insinuating all Asians look alike, but in this case there is definitely an uncanny resemblance.

I realized, I’m worried about her since giving birth to a Sherman tank is not going to be easy. I also know I need to approach the whole thing with ease and calm. They’re young, so they’re probably not thinking what I’m thinking like…what if she has it in the middle of the night, in a cab…at a light…with a driver named Mohammed who’s on his phone and doesn’t see her contractions have just increased?

Do you think I’m a little anxious?

Or what if they get to the hospital and some dumb ER nurse leaves her sitting in the waiting room like a docked blimp also not realizing…hey Nurse Jackie, this is it.

She’s a very stoic, uncomplaining girl. Never says a word about a thing. When her toilet backed up and she shyly knocked to use mine, she said…”It’s okay…I go coffee shop…you not home.”

I say, “We’re calling a plumber, I am home…NOW…”

The big question for me is, why did they move into a tiny one bedroom apartment knowing they were expecting another boarder, small as he or she may be. Though, if you glimpsed her belly, that would be the last word brought to mind.

This kid’s arriving with luggage and a retinue of advisers heralding decorating tips. “He’d like the crib by the window, so he can read his morning paper…and no no no…no baby boy blue…we prefer more of a black and white palette with a little kumquat thrown in…and no busy patterns please…get rid of those choo-choos…pa-leese

What am I saying…I need to plot my next move.

All I want them to know is that I’m here to help and assist if any is needed.

Love thy neighbor…love thy new baby.

You know what?

I can’t wait.               images-2



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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19 Responses to I’m All Shook Up

  1. I must say Asian babies, no matter what size are always the cutest! I love those little faces…you’re making me want to pinch right now with this post. All the best to your neighbor, but something tells me she’ll be back in those leggings the second she welcomes that Prius into the world.
    The thought of the baby coming with luggage, giving orders cracked me up!!!


    • If you saw her stomach then you’d understand…I think Genghis Khan might be coming back…and…whenever anyone asks, what I want for Christmas, I always say…Lamer Face cream, a Basset Hound and an Asian baby. Wouldn’t that be a perfect stocking…


  2. Babies are so much fun… when I saw my daughter right before she delivered I was shocked! I couldn’t see how she could walk upright there was so much in the front of her… my grandson born to my tiny petite daughter (5’4″/ 115 soaking wet) weighed 8 lbs even and was 21 inches long… when I asked her how in the world she delivered such a big baby, she said (in her youth) I never had a baby, I thought it was normal… Youth… it is wasted on the young, it is also why young people have babies… we worry about this. great post, can’t wait to hear more.


  3. katecrimmins says:

    Awwww! This is exciting!


  4. MJ says:

    Um…has Millicent had a sonogram? Twins in her family? A dear friend of mine—a tall, willowy dancer—had breezed through 2 pregnancies, scarcely showing until late in her 3rd trimester. And after giving birth to little boys, she was back to Balanchine proportions in no time. She & her husband hoped to have a girl, too, so she became pregnant again, and a little over 4 months into that pregnancy, she looked like a planet on stilts. Since twins run in her family, she had a sonogram ASAP, which revealed that she was carrying triplets! It also showed that 2 were clearly boys, but the sex of the 3rd remained a mystery until their birth, by C-section, in her 8th month. And it was—drumroll—a girl! Anyway, I hope Millicent is getting pre-natal care; this could a complicated pregnancy.


    • Hey MJ, that’s a lot of babies…I don’t know Milicent’s pre-natal particulars…to be quite honest, I hardly know her. But being a good neighbor and all, I can’t help being concerned. I will always feel excitement when it comes to having babies..doesn’t matter who the pilot is 🙂


      • MJ says:

        In my friend’s case, 4 outta 5 in diapers at the same time! Incredibly, it didn’t occur to her ob-gyn that there might be more than 1 baby in Planet Eva; he’d actually started blathering about weak abdominal muscles. This, to a dancer! Ah, but brace yourself, Susannah; you might be hearing the pattering of more than one set of little feet!


      • Oh dear…hadn’t thought of that…


  5. micklively says:

    I hope she has whale-bearing hips?


  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Hopefully you’ll get to see the baby often. And hopefully you won’t hear it crying during the night while you’re trying to sleep.


  7. Pingback: Baby Makes Three | athingirldotcom

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