Wonky Women

Why is it women always think you’re after their man?

Doesn’t matter what he looks like, could be a dwarf with a limp, but without a shadow of a doubt, you have designs on her Dopey.ย  images-2

I’ll bet even Quasi Modo’s wife thought the world was after Quasi. You could just hear Mrs. Modo as she’s scrubbing his hump. First that whore Esmeralda and now you. You do know what they say about a man with a sizable hump don’t you?

What brought all this up?

A woman named Gert. First of all, change your name to something that doesn’t rhyme with dirt…then get hold of yourself. She told Trudy, my gossip of a neighbor, that she saw me flirting with her husband. When Trudy couldn’t wait to tell me, my response was…

“Who the fuck’s her husband?”

“Giovanni, the handyman at 11 East 82nd.”

“Are you kidding? I asked him to fix my faucet is all,” I said to Louella, I mean Trudy.

“Well she found out.”

“About what..the washer my bathroom sink needs?”

“He is cute Susannah. Can’t say I blame you.”

“Excuse me? I do not have any interest in Giovanni with the exception of a tool or two.”

“It depends what tool we’re talking about.” Boy, was I getting pissed. I decided to leave before I hit her with my umbrella.

I called Camille to complain. “This is just the sort of thing Camille that ruins a girl’s reputation.”

“Face it Susannah, your reputation was ruined long ago.”

“Camille, I’m serious. How could this woman actually think that and Trudy…does she really believe I’m bonking the handyman?”

“No,ย  but it’s her way of putting you down. I mean if we were taking about some French actor or investment banker, she’d be in awe.”

“Ugh,” I moaned before slamming the phone done. I know, I’m just taking my angry self over there to set the record straight.

Ring Ring Ring, jangled my cell phone.

“Hello?”

“Don’t do it,” screamed Camille on the other end.

“Do what?”

“Take your skinny ass over there for a showdown.”

What is she, clairvoyant?

“I don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“HELL-LO…IT’S ME YOU’RE TALKING TO.”

“Stop yelling, alright, but why not go over and tell this crazy woman I’m not interested in her damned husband.”

“Because she’s crazy…and what we do around crazy people? Come on…what’s the rule?”

“We ignore them.”

“That’s right.”

“But what about my leaky faucet?”

“Have one word for ya girlfriend…GOOGLE….call a plumber.”

Women, we’re all nuts.

SB

Advertisements

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in friendship, humor, New York City, Uncategorized, women, Women and men and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Wonky Women

  1. micklively says:

    If Quasi has history with La Esmeralda, then maybe, just maybe, Mrs Modo is feeling a little insecure? And maybe she’s witnessed Quasi cocking his eye in your direction, put two and two together, and counted fifty million or so? Maybe you shouldn’t take the accusation as a poor judgement on your moral fortitude but as a big tick against your attractiveness (particularly to hunchbacks)?

    Like

  2. I am CRYING at the image of Mrs. Moto scrubbing that hump…hahahaha! I will most likely be laughing at this all day…lol!
    Camille reminds me of my mother, it must be a scorpio thing…”never let them know you struck a nerve, just wait for the appropriate moment to polish your stinger and zap them when they least expect it” This is not easy for me, since I am a reactor, but it works. Good job not exploding!

    Like

  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    Yes, Susannah, I agree with Mick! I bet the Mr. made a complimentary comment about you or was caught following you with his eyes. Doesn’t matter if you did anything. He’s in the clear and it’s all your fault for being attractive. Definitely time for a new plumber.

    Like

  4. I’ll bet Dopey’s wife must have been jealous of Snow White, if she was around. I’m not sure if it’s only women; men might be easily jealous of their women too. Being only one man, I don’t have a lot of perspective on the subject. Someone should do a poll.

    Like

    • Yes let’s, a poll..Funny to hear from you because I thought about you yesterday. Wondered how you were. I took a poll once at Barnes and Noble on how well Americans knew their history. I had written…lol…a game show called Democracy that went nowhere but I went to ask a series of questions to people browsing the store. The answers I got were so amazing that, though way before its present craze, it could have been a reality show…all I can tell you is, one out of three African Americans thought John Lewis…Freedom Rider, worked alongside Dr. King…revered Congressman and minister…was Jerry’s brother…Ulysses S. Grant an actor and the Big Bopper of all…John Hancock…a porn star…I couldn’t write this shit Dave.

      Like

      • I’m doing okay these days, although fairly busy. Sometimes even with things that are somewhat important.

        That sounds like a great game show idea. It would be very illuminating.

        When I worked at a factory, my setup guy once went around asking people questions about American history and politics. A lot of people didn’t know who the vice-president was or what party the president was. One woman I talked to didn’t know you could drive to Mexico from America. Fascinating stuff. ๐Ÿ™‚

        Like

      • I know it…you can’t help scratching your head.

        Like

  5. jimmie chew says:

    like
    make a x-mas card with you on the front and give it to him for x-mas. that should push her over the edge ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  6. katecrimmins says:

    Here’s what you should get out of this…you are hot, hot, hot! If the handyman can get his wife’s panties in a knot over you, you gotta be hot!

    Like

  7. I would have been over there like stink on manure… good thing you listened to Camille, otherwise you might have had to get a restraining order!! Hope you find a cheap plumber… Great post!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s