Pamela A. And Me

images-100 I love Pamela Anderson.

I know, such a strange, surprise declaration from a Thin Girl, but I always say, if I looked like her, I’d own the world not to mention the rest of the solar system.

For me she’s right up there with Yosemite and the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls and the chicken soup at Little Nectar. On my Richter scale, and make no mistake, she has the magnitude of an 8.9 quake. Miss Pamela Anderson is the ninth wonder of the western world easily, even if assembly was required.

One can’t help but to admire her pluck as in guts, not chickens or nose hairs, the way she proudly parades around in all her plastic splendor. For a Connecticut girl like me who only shows skin in post-op, she’s more than a hero.

She’s the Eleanor Roosevelt of tits and ass.

images-102 I hear she may be leaving herself to science or The Smithsonian, who would stuff her, though redundant, and put her on permanent display at the Air and Space Museum, right next to Lucky Lindbergh’s Spirit of St Louis or possibly even perched in its cockpit which I’m all in favor of.

Imagine going there seeing her in one of her Bay Watch bathing suits about to give CPR.images-103 waving from above. Tell me that wouldn’t inspire or change the voice of a twelve-year-old.

We’d have a fresh crop of young astronauts begging to go into space, or at least as high as that ceiling.

All kidding aside (well I’ll try), Pam bleats confidence and courage, aplomb and poise positively self-possessed.

Who said just possessed?

Is that fair?

I’ll let you in on a little secret…sometimes I go to Nina’s Wig Shop in Brooklyn where I don’t know anybody to try on Pam wigs. She sells a lot of them, mostly to hookers who have Pam requests, and to be quite honest, I don’t look half bad as a banged blonde, as it were. Well, providing you don’t look at the rest of me. Even with my Victoria Secret secret pusher-upper that make my boobs look like folded pieces of pressed ham, I couldn’t come close to Your Royal Highness of soft, fuzzy porn. And those lips, even if you were to start your lip-line below your nose, is still not the same since, one does resemble a paint-by-number when using a number two Bobby Brown eyebrow pencil.

I so wish she’d write a how-to book. Not how to spend thousands of dollars at a surgeon’s in Beverly Hills to come out looking like an action figure, but to have the swagger and strut to do so.

I’d be the first to sign up once I got Camille, Joanne and Jimmy the super at 920 Park out of the way first.

I’d have to go early, possibly even sleep on a blanket the night before as if it were Shakespeare in the Park.

Now there’s an idea. Pam as Portia or better yet, Henry V. Imagine her on horseback in all that armor amidst a sea of binoculars.

It would look like an erotic art installation with diction.

Of course, she has reinvented herself in 2013 swapping her big boobs for little French ones…see photo the size of Cleveland…but call me crazy since I prefer the vavavoom one…  166666504

As Mobb Depp, the legendary hip-hopper once said, but I think Pam may have said it first…

“Watch my fronts, I got your back.”

images-101

Excuse me…time for my meds.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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14 Responses to Pamela A. And Me

  1. As far as I know, the only thing I have in common with Pamela Anderson is that we were both born in Canada and both have dual Canadian-American citizenship (she was even born on Canada Day). Of course, now that I’m losing my hair, I may get desperate enough to try one of her wigs. I doubt she could rock the beard like I can though.

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    • Hmm, Pam in a beard, that would be interesting. She is such the opposite of me yet I find her and her sexy style so fascinating. To be so sexually blatant without apology must be the ultimate freedom. I’m just saying Dave…

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  2. Well, from what I understand Ms. P. has be converting herself into you these days with her short haircut, running and dare I say…implant removal discussion. We always want what we can’t have…damn it!

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    • I do know they come in and out in all types of shapes and sizes…a little like sofa cushions. Nice to have money to play with. I have to think carefully if I change the shelf paper in the kitchen. I did Google this French style photo of her that made her resemble a school girl from the French countryside. It was a great look but subtle Pam didn’t have the same va-va-voom as sexy Pam. But, like Madonna, I guess one in her position needs to keep reinventing herself.

      I’m thinking of donning a headband today, that’s as far as I’m willing to go Top.

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  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    I understand what you’re saying, Susannah. Many of my friends make fun of my identical feeling about Cher’s self-confidence. My teens and twenties were spent listening to Sonny and Cher, and later Cher. Bette Midler is a close runner-up in my ‘Wish I had her confidence’ list.

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    • It’s a pity one can’t package it since you see how it fuels everything. I loved Cher too…made me iron my curly hair way back when. She had lots of style in her day. Bette Midler too. Love her as a mermaid. Happy Christmas Skinny to you and all those you love 🙂

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  4. micklively says:

    Like Goldie Hawn without the acting talent? Pneumatic blondes, confident or otherwise, don’t feature in my desert island disc list. The conspiracy theorist in me can’t help but wonder if there’s a confidence implant in the silicon? But no, it’s just another symptom of the myopic men who own this planet. Better watch out for the skin-deep.

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  5. katecrimmins says:

    I love Cher too but one of my favorites is Dolly Parton. She said, “It takes a lot of money to look this trashy!” Gotta love that spunk. My and my 34Bs will just continue to go to Starbucks as usual.

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