Joy To The World, My Ass

I’m sorry…is that sacrilegious?


I got no sleep since the cocktail party next door turned itself into an all night orgy, and no I did not go.

However, I did get rather tipsy staggering around in my pumps with quite a few cookies in my teeth. Twelve hours later I’m still flossing.

Camille called from the King Cole Bar’s ladies room to say Malcolm was turning into a huge bore, at least I think that’s what she said. Between my hearing and all that champagne, who knows. That’s the trouble when you’re over fifty, you have the attention span of a fly. Having a drink with a suit say on a Thursday is a whole lot different than suffering him on a holiday. You’d think Brains would have known better.

I never did get to have Clarence since his parents had already gone out for the night which launched such a swoon on my part.

The thought of having a cat for a few hours held ultimate appeal. I even went out and bought tuna fish preparing to spoon feed him.

Reminded me of my ex who’d always buy caviar Xmas Eve.

If he had been a cat, we’d still be together.      images-1

I’d say the room started spinning at around 11 continuing till 3. Nothing like being on the Tilt-A-Whirl when you should be at midnight mass.

The only reason I didn’t go breaking a lifelong tradition, and this is said with real regret, is that I can’t hear the music. Rather than organ and choir it would sound more like a bunch of bees in a hive. It’s very upsetting, but I’m learning to just accept my limitations.

In between throwing up and pretending to be Liza Minnelli in Cabaret the soundtrack on full blast drowning out the festivities next door, images-92 I read three more of David’s holiday essays that seemed to go with the slanting of the room.

Dinah the Christmas Whore might end up being my favorite.

Here’s a tip for the New Year:

If you want to stop drinking, over drink, because you’ll find yourself making deals with the Almighty like, please God, if you’ll just make the room stand still I’ll never touch a drop of alcohol again..not even rum cake…or…I’ll go back and work at the shelter making meatloaf for 35….or…I won’t be mean to anyone again, not even Trudy and I’ll even bring her some leftover meatloaf after I do all those dishes myself without gloves.

Joy to the world…

yeah…maybe tomorrow…get-attachment-5



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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29 Responses to Joy To The World, My Ass

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Merry Christmas, Susannah. Hopefully with no headache.
    The Christmas hats (lost the stockings many years ago) are filled. Two out of four children are home, but being adults are not getting up early and running to see what Santa brought. The oldest son also has his girlfriend here, we love her. The other two, their significant others, and the two children of each SI (total of four kids) are coming around 10:00. Hats get unstuffed as soon as they wake up or arrive. Gifts under the tree have to wait until everyone is here.
    Each year I make them put their empty Santa hat on and pose together on the balcony. No presents until they do it, ha ha.
    Have a peaceful and fulfilling day!


    • I love the whole Santa hat thing. My friend just emailed after opening her stocking that was really a pair of pants with stuff stuck in them. My mother’s been dead since 1999, but her eccentricities live on. It’s nice you have all that Christmas company because one, you can handle it, and two…I can feel, even from here, how happy you are 🙂


  2. jimmie chew says:

    🙂 you crack me up s.b. (love the cat pic)


  3. katecrimmins says:

    Well it’s all over and it’s after 9 so Starbucks is open. Another holiday down the tubes!


  4. micklively says:

    Happy Christmas Susannah.
    I wish I could have caught Smudge unwrapping her presents on camera for you: cure for any hangover.


  5. Love this! I keep thinking of you channeling Liza Minelli… great image! Glad you made it through the evening and today… Hope you are feeling better this evening.


  6. Patricia says:

    You made me laugh right from the title. Sort of a bummer night tho. But it is over…do they have a party New Years Eve? Hope not. If they do hop a plane and come South…Teddy and I are quiet folk. No orgies for him…he is “fixed” or me… I am boring… but there is wine.


    • Considering my altered state, I may never drink again. I knew Teddy was a quiet kitty. Can’t quite see him with a lampshade on his head. I just may have to retire mine along with those fishnet stockings. Merry Christmas to you.


  7. Dinah the Christmas Whore really should be read out loud like T’was the Night Before Christmas…I’m laughing just thinking about it!! I hope you’re feeling better today and for the love of God I hope you didn’t try to apply mascara to look like Liza….hahaha!


  8. No joy for you, and no peace on earth either, with the party next door. There should be zoning laws for loud parties, or at least sound-proof sleep pods.


  9. backonmyown says:

    I feel your pain. Well not the too much to drink part, but definitely the loud party, no sleep thing. Hope you’re feeling better.


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