When Women Want Out

I’ve been in the middle of a good muse concerning the differences between men and women.

After serious deliberation it’s clear to me, even though ours don’t hang, we have more balls than they do.

Oh hear me out…

Men, for instance, never leave, but women do. A man will stay in a marriage or even a bad relationship that’s gone numb, numbing himself with whatever it takes to stay, like a tree rooted in his front yard. He’ll have affairs, develop a drinking problem…anything so he doesn’t have to relinquish, or pack, one damned thing.

Women, on the other hand, will get up and go if they’re miserable enough, even if it’s not in their better interest.

I speak from experience. I’m not the sharpest tool in the box relationship wise. The words, be smart, never nest in my head.

Of course as I see it, it depends what you consider smart. Freedom has come to mean more to me than a Chanel clutch.

When I left my ex, I had women pleading with me to reconsider. Of course they were girls I had little regard for. They were old gold diggers who would have traded places with me in a second.

“Where are you gonna find another man with money at your age?”

“Don’t be stupid Susannah…have a coupla drinks…fuck-em fast then demand his Gold Card.”

“Since when do you have to care about somebody to stay with them?”

No I’m not kidding. The advice made The Rules seem like the Old Testament.

I refer to me leaving Thorn, and no, that’s not his real name, as Cinderella getting a divorce. I left an opulent lifestyle in order to reclaim my own existence that was nowhere to be found. That’s what you give up by the way when you pal around with someone whose life is lived so grandly. Of course as I tooled in and out of Prada and Burberry with a thousand shopping bags I hadn’t noticed this…

till one day, though my closet rivaled Jackie O’s designer wise, it stopped me cold.

You’ve heard the adage, money doesn’t buy happiness? Neither do trips to Italy or money bulging from your pocket if you wake up each morning in tears. Take it from me, when room service doesn’t help, you know you’re in trouble.

My misery was five-fold.

Now a man with a wealthy woman would have somehow worked it out for himself. He never would have left empty-handed. I didn’t even take half my clothes. When he was at work I shoved what I could in two paper bags and jumped in a cab.

Camille and I hadn’t been as close then as we are now so I didn’t have her to coach me. Just the greedy hens of the Upper East Side who were all set to make a play for the man I was so lavishly leaving.

Great…you can hold his head when he throws up. Be careful not to trip on all those empty wine bottles and when he calls you by the wrong name, don’t take it too personally…he tends to forget what decade he’s in.

Why is quality of life so underrated? Don’t get me wrong, I hate being poor which I am presently thanks to medical bills that have stolen every dime I’ve earned. Going to Starbucks for a Tall in a Grande cup every morning is my greatest extravagance. Cinderella is cleaning the cinders alright…but at least for a few minutes a day she has peace she can honestly recognize.

I’m not waiting for the next wine glass to break, as it were.

I think women are the stronger sex having nothing to do with childbearing. I think it’s more that we take ourselves and lives as gifts worth fighting for.

I rarely wear those expensive clothes anymore. I’m happiest in jeans, an L.L. Bean turtleneck, Chuck Taylors and an old Barbour jacket I bought myself.

Men can’t always say they know who they truly are…but women can…

more often than not.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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21 Responses to When Women Want Out

  1. micklively says:

    “Always” and “never” don’t belong in an observation like this. Projecting your own experience onto the rest of the world is bad science. Unless you court tendentious appeal, there is little to be gained. Some leave, others don’t: who knows the proportions by sex; the efficacy; or which is best for those involved? No-one, I suspect.


  2. katecrimmins says:

    This resonated with me. My ex was wealthy. Life was good and the beach house was wonderful. The fascination with other women not so much. It was a hard adjustment because my life had to change drastically. I had to move — couldn’t afford north Jersey housing unless you want to live in a dump. I’m now at a better spot. It’s after I got out that I realized that my life wasn’t about me back then. Now it’s all about me!


    • It’s good to get some positive comments. My first one of the day was a bit railing. Hit a nerve clearly. But it’s merely a personal point of view.

      Money is great in the beginning, especially when you don’t have much of your own. It’s like winning a contest, then it becomes bait and before you know it, you’re serving it like a master. I’m guilty as charged until I was no more. Despite a change in lifestyle, it was a wise decision and one I’ve never regretted.


  3. Bravo!! Bravo!!! Yes, we are stronger, smarter and we move when we know there is nothing else to do. There is a time to leave and a time to stay. Had the option once, went away for a few days to think about it and stayed. Many days I resent that decision, but, there are months that I know I did the right thing. Yes, I had people tell me similar things, you are crazy to stay, you should pack up the girls and go. I have thought about my decision over the past decade and have come to the conclusion that, like you, I was right. Bold choice of words for this post and I am thankful that you wrote it. Well done you, on several counts! Women do have iron clad balls and we know how to use them.


  4. Patricia says:

    I get this. It is better to be rich in your own being than used by a rich man. If women ruled the world it would be a better place.


  5. I enjoyed your perspective on this. I would say for the type of man you were referring to, they either try to get the best of both worlds, or they’re just complacent and don’t want to rock the boat. I’ve seen that in a lot of women too though.


    • It’s exactly that, my lone perspective. I’m sure there are many men not that way, I’ve just never met them.


      • Well, I only have my own perspective as well, being only one man with limited experience. I’m not sure what I would do if I was in a bad relationship. I’d like to think I’d get out, but of course we all like to think the best of ourselves in the hypothetical.


      • It gets more involved than that. Real estate, money…it’s complicated. I jumped ship without a net but even though I truly believe life’s too short to be in something unhealthy, I do understand it. Fear is a terrible thing.


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