A Slice Of Drama With Cheese

a9e3ad07b693d447f63fe3c4197ec06d  As you know, I have a favorite pizza place I frequent called Farinella where I’ve come to know the owner and staff.

Yesterday as I happily awaited my Pizza Primavera (zucchini and mushroom atop a layer of light organic mozzarella), a man was in front of me who looked like a Russian bodyguard…big, burly…close-cropped hair clad in a light, tight shiny parka despite the low temps.

I was given the once-over which should have alerted me to some type of foreign exchange if you will, but in my thin girl naivete, can’t wait for my pizza haze, I paid little attention.

It all goes back to simple pleasures on thin crust.

When I first came in and noticed their three little tables occupied, I did what I often do when there’s no room at the inn. I parked myself and all my stuff by the window where the counter man works so I could quietly eat for that big five minutes it takes one to down a regular slice.

I then walked back to retrieve it to add extra olive oil they place on the counter the moment they see me come in, an act of familiarity that secretly pleases me.

Suddenly the Russian says, “Whose bag is this?” pointing to my Kate Spade I left near the window. “Mine,” I said, calmly at first until he started to lecture me on leaving an unattended bag in a public place. All I can say is, I was in no mood for a testosterone onslaught by some foreigner whose English made me twitch. Reminded me of my ex who has not one consonant to his name either.

I told him he should mind his own business which turned him into a raging lunatic screaming at the top of his stilted lungs. I held my ground enjoying his unraveling adding insult to injury starting to laugh. I couldn’t help it. It was right out of a Tom Clancy novel. Giggling may sound mean but trust me, his outburst was so inappropriate since there were kids and mothers not to mention all those young, innocent Italian girls working there.

His friend actually had to pull him out while, as a final gesture, he banged both fists on the front window with such outrage directed at me and Kate who, after being in my possession for well over twenty years, has now seen it all.

I told my mother to go back whence she came because I can always feel her rise within me at a time like this since she was afraid of no one, a trait, for better or worse, I’ve inherited.

I took my slice, doused it with virgin olive oil, moseying to my corner.

I think I may have scared the Italian girls behind the register but then again, may have taught them…

one does not fold in opposition at 2 in the afternoon.

This is America after all where no one, man nor beast, has any right to intimidate or bully a woman over anything, even if it comes in a bag.

And once I declared it mine, did he really think I had a bomb in my make-up case?

Who did he think he was, The Man From Uncle?      images-1




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in humor, New York City, Uncategorized, war, Women and men, writing and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to A Slice Of Drama With Cheese

  1. micklively says:

    How close do you have to be to an object, for it to be deemed “unattended”? I had a similar falling out with a traffic warden for leaving my car with its engine running. But I was only six metres away. He said it was unattended; I said I was in attendance. At least he was polite, which is more than could be said for Ivan the Terrible, Vlad the Impaler, or whoever you ran into (I know Vlad wasn’t Russian. Don’t be so picky Susannah!) But then he was at least ten dress sizes smaller than me, and maybe that buys me courtesy not afforded to you by mad Russians?


    • I felt accosted and he ruined my pizza experience besides. I totally get the unattended thing, but Kate was not unattended. Here they give you a ticket even when you’re in the car. I think whoever gives out the most wins a flat screen TV…that’s the rumor on the street 🙂


  2. Looks like someone wanted save a damsel is distress. He had no idea he was dealing with a badass with a baguette or in this case a slice.


  3. Joe Owens says:

    I really detest those who elevate themselves to the point that they get to decide what is proper and what is not. Don;t we have enough who have that privilege and use it unwisely? I would have loved to see this exchange, as your legend seems to grow in ways I would find entertaining. Sorry, not meaning I want to enjoy your misadventures, just would like to see the big guy getting served.


  4. badijoan@aol.com says:

    Inspiration! I am off to see a retina specialist on 80th st. Seems I have a torn retina in left eye – seems there is an easy fix for it – hope so am having trouble seeing with that eye! Think I will treat myself to a special slice. Hope all is well and both our years get better. JB


  5. Lynn says:

    Just a hunch but I am guessing this man has a lot going wrong in his life to become so enraged over an unattended Kate Spade bag. Unless of course he is part of the secret Kate Spade police brigade. In that case, I guess he felt justified.


    • It was just one of those New York moments. I said he looked Russian but who knows where he was from and what experiences he had beneath that parka. That doesn’t excuse him banging on the glass like I killed his cat however. You can tell how much I love that pizza because my appetite never wavered.


  6. katecrimmins says:

    Perhaps he thought he was at an airport? Sure hope he had his pizza before you chased him out. I like balsamic vinegar on my pizza! yum!


  7. I dislike those who fly off the handle that easily… living in San Diego, we used to have people jump out of their vehicles at stoplights and pound on the car window if hubby didn’t give them their space while driving… bizarre. the pizza sounds wonderful… have been in the mood for a good slice, haven’t found one here yet..


  8. Manty67 says:

    Only you, how funny, I’m surprised no one stepped in and told him to back off. 🙂


    • It happened rather fast, and New Yorkers are not quick to jump in. I mean, short of being on fire people just pretend the unpleasant isn’t really occurring. Look at me, after all that I calmly ate. I’m a New Yorker Manty.


  9. Patricia says:

    Probably made him madder that you laughed. But maybe he was just mad…as in crazy. Nothing like this has ever happened to me and I have never seen it happen. Maybe it is a NY thing. I doubt they will ever ask you to write for the NY Tourist Commission. But you could do a killer newspaper column.


  10. Wow, it looks like he had a lot of other issues he needed to unload on someone. After all, if your bag is unattended, isn’t that only bad for you, since you’re the one taking the risk of it being stolen. I guess you meet all kinds of strange people in life.


    • He thought there might be a bomb in it…of course once I said it was mine, that should have been that, so you’re more than likely right…he had issues galore. Glad it was a one time deal. Haven’t seen him in the pizza place again…thank goodness.


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