The Norman Conquests

Norman Rabbatini is a guy who owns a market in my neighborhood. I’ve known Norman I’d say a good thirty years. 6 foot 2, built like a half back with hair that though once was black and lustrous, now lies like strands of linguine across an enormous head the shape of a football.

Amid his tomatoes and renowned mozzarella collection, are women in all shapes and sizes not to mention various states of status: married, widowed, taking their SATS, vying for his undivided attention.

One could easily call Norman the Casanova of cheese.

In tight jeans featuring a rear end the width of a barn, he flirts in the most practical manner…sneaking a complimentary orange in someone’s shopping bag…offering to carry it to the door or a waiting cab…saying, “Wait a minute, I have a new red I want you to try…just came in from a guy I know in Rome.”

He once told me with a covert wink, it pays to have your liquor license.

All I know is, he could lecture on how to lasso women who follow him around like demented disciples.

Now if I had five strands of hair on my head combed over to resemble sweaty thread, I’d be put away…whisked to a padded cell without a belt.

But Norman’s harem, despite him visibly aging, just keeps getting bigger.

Occasionally this is a tad inconvenient since not all women are comfy learning they’re not the only one. Tina, a Hispanic beauty with an ass like a pogo stick, chased Phoebe, one of Norman’s older interests, right into dairy through to the deli counter clear out the front door. I was just walking in when Phoebe, her mink coat waving in her wake, was wildly exiting.

“Phoebe, what’s the big hurry?” I said, feeling her wind, but she didn’t seem to hear me as she dove headfirst into a taxi.

I noticed the workers, trying not to laugh, had their heads buried in their white work jackets.

Tina, nostrils flaring like a bull, was demanding an explanation from Norman who was serenely slicing London broil.

“Here, taste this,” he said, offering her a piece of flesh appropriately blood rare.

We all watched to see if he could calm her down with a little snack, but to her credit, she didn’t bite…him or the meat.

“Norman,” I said later on when I popped in for milk, “aren’t you afraid one of these days one of your ladies will stab you at the register?”

He scratched those 6 greasy hairs clinging to his head and said, “No, not really…that would put me out of commission, and then what would they all do?”

“Hmm…beats me, donate your ego to science maybe..sell you for parts?”

“Hey, comere for a second Susannah…I have a new red I want you to try….just came in…

As Margo Channing said in All About Eve…

I’ll admit I may have seen better days, but I’m still not to be had for the price of a cocktail like a salted peanut.


Hear Hear!



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in food, humor, New York City, sexual relationships, Uncategorized, women, Women and men and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to The Norman Conquests

  1. jimmie chew says:

    sounds like a charm’r 🙂


  2. micklively says:

    Once again, you reveal your susceptibility to the loveable rogue character. Is that the Italian in you, or New York?


    • A little of both I think. I’m just always grateful at my chronic ability to observe which feeds those coffers of creativity that if, we’re not vigilant, tend to wane. And let me also say Mick, how grateful I am that you still, after three years, read me every day. My blog hits are down which leaves me in a swoon and I envy writers like Kate and Top Down who have a mega following. I have you and a handful of others including Top and Kate, who do me the honor of perusing my prose whenever it shows it’s prolific head, good or otherwise…so thanks Mr. Lively.


      • katecrimmins says:

        You are a great writer! You bring a softer style to NYC than I ever expected and your topics are interesting. You make these characters come alive and you make them believable! You are one blogger that I read faithfully because I know I always will enjoy it. As for readership, I can never figure it out. My posts that I really like aren’t near as popular as ones that I just think are ok. I will have a flat period and then wham, stats are up and I have no idea why.


      • Your humility does you credit, as Jane Austen would say. I think it’s great you have such a 10 ply following…it shows where your talent lies and that book you want to write when you’re not looking at the goldfish pond, should really be brought to fruition. Personally, I think my blog is waning…three years is a long time…now I do it for me because it gets me to write and keeps my pen in shape if you will. Not ready to abandon it since it’s my best pal to date…I thank you for your generous words.


      • micklively says:

        It’s no chore to read you every day because I enjoy what you write. You are a most welcome respite from process improvement projects and I thank you for brightening my days.


      • You’re very sweet Mick…truly.


  3. Vasca Beall says:

    I’m still following your blog…and enjoying your writings.


  4. Lynn says:

    The Casanova of cheese! I love it! Seriously, how could you not love this guy:)


  5. I truly understand about stats, although mine have never been high, nor do I have a huge following. I love Top’s blog and I need to look in on Kate’s. But, I love when I check my email and see you have another post. I go over to read it immediately. I am that annoying fan with the the lighter (no cell phone, it’s not that bright) waving it in the wind! Get the picture? Love this post. Now I am hungry for some good deli and cheese. If I ever make it to NYC, I am going to go through your blog and make my list of the must sees!

    Do not be discouraged by your stats, although I know I am not one to say that. Your writing is crisp, heart warming, entertaining and fun to read. I wish I had the talent to translate people watching into great writing.


  6. MJ says:

    Hmmmm…just switch around a couple of letters and Rabatini becomes Sabatini, as in Rafael—author of Captain Blood, Scaramouche, the Sea Hawk, the Black Swan et al. A dashing kinsman lost in translation when Norman’s forbears went through Ellis Island? There is no ordinary romance in the blood of this Tyrone Flynn, comb-over and overweight notwithstanding. Very funny piece, Susannah! And your comment to Jimmie Chew about the swashbuckler’s “aroma of Parmesan mixed with aftershave”, is a gem more than worthy of inclusion. Devastating enough to make me grateful for ShopRite. (Re: the numbers thing, hit counts aren’t a reflection on the quality of your work, though I can certainly understand wanting it to reach more people. Unfortunately, it seems like quantity has become the online equivalent of quality, maybe because numbers are more universally understood. Witness all these websites that award stars and puffy titles based on a participant’s number of posts, no matter how asinine or ignorant. Your art is above that! And now I have to go to…Shoprite.)


    • Part of it is my fault…I’m a terrible self-advertiser. The fact I have an audience at is is really by the seat of my pants. I don’t preen nor promote well. A problem in our cyber competitive world. I just sold a book on a site called shebooks and I’m flinching knowing they’ll expect me flaunt and vaunt myself…ooh

      And you madam…you’re such a good writer…you’d have a following no question if you ventured beyond the grave…and only you know what I’m talking about.


  7. Patricia says:

    I don’t know how long I have been blogging. I started on Blogspot then came to WP. I rarely check stats. I just write cause it’s what I do. Sometimes I write often and sometimes not. When it gets to seem stressful I just back off a bit.

    You have a great blog. I read most everyday but when I feel a bit computer weary I take a day or three off. I don’t always comment because of the time factor. So many blogs so little time. Anyway, stats, like comments, don’t always tell the whole story. You would be missed if you stopped. And Teddy would drive me crazy wondering about you.


    • I wouldn’t want Teddy to worry. I love to write, that’s the important thing. Always view it as a grace. I read your blog too. Enjoy and admire its simplicity…economy of words I believe is the term. I always try to use fewer words as I rewrite…paring down, not always so successful. But it’s a good practice to go for less…which is more as they say. Thanks for writing. Purrs to Ted.


  8. Having charm is one thing, but cheese & wine too …. if this guy had chocolate he would have his own show. Something like Sister Wives, but with more F-bombs and better clothes.


    • Chocolate line is great…I appreciate you commenting on Norman as opposed to my sinking stats which is all anybody seemed to see. They actually went back up yesterday for some reason. You’re very funny Top and yes, Norman with a good candy bar would rise to fame, no question.


  9. It sounds like Norman would be a great character in a book. The way you describe him really brings him to life. I can almost smell the cheese.


  10. skinnyuz2b says:

    Oh Susannah, I can’t believe those women’s heads are turned by meat and veggies. Now, if he is offering chocolate covered raspberry jelly candy I’m on my way!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.