Don’t Just Do Something…Sit There

How hard is it to be patient?

I’ll tell you how hard, it’s utterly excruciating.

Right now my life is very quiet. It feels as though I’m watching it from the sidelines like a ballplayer forced to sit on the bench in the ninth inning.

Everyone else’s life is in full swing while mine waits for further instructions.

I feel left behind.

I’m the first one to be happy for others. I just wish they could be more sensitive towards me and my present state but alas, this simply is never the case. They preen in their good luck as you bleed in their presence since, as it was explained to me, you’re the farthest thing from their mind.

Just this morning a woman, after meeting her on the street listening to her slew of recent lucrative jobs, emailed me to say perhaps I should go be a receptionist or hostess at a restaurant…a good one of course…until life, as she put it, picks up.

Oh, in other words, I shouldn’t apply my copious skills at The Pastami Queen but aim for someplace higher, like The Shake Shack…is that what you mean? I could give make-up tips at the table.

Well that picked me right up.

So deciding to forgo that encouraging suggestion, I sit and wait for a shift to occur on its own trying not to imagine the worst. When you’re Italian that’s a challenge alright since catastrophic thinking is in your blood.

I remember as a kid watching my grandmother stock canned goods in the basement for when the bomb its. If it were me, I would have lined those shelves with Hershey Bars, but who asks a kid and her Chatty Cathy doll what they think?

I do know, being an alumni of worry, that it can alter our perceptions until we lose all sense of what’s really happening turning neutral situations into nightmares. Suddenly you’re in a full blown sweat at 3 in the morning clutching your quilt for dear life. If it could talk it would say, hey, you’re killing me Susannah. Relax that grip girl before you shred me to death.

All we have is today, the first thing they teach you in 12 Step. By living in the future you rob yourself of this 24 hours that could be spent in peace and joy.

Fat chance, I tell myself as I grind my teeth staring at my unpaid credit cards that got out of hand at Christmas.

My inner voice, the one that sounds like Ingrid Bergman in The Bells of St. Mary whispers, work will come, those bills will be paid…when have you ever not paid a bill…and rather than force a solution, maybe it would behoove you madam if you stayed where your feet are and reveled in the now.

How does that sound?

Okay Ingrid,  I guess I’ll get up and wash my face…throw on some jeans and mosey out to watch the sunrise.

That does sound better than shredding my quilt.

You made a great a nun by the way.    images

SB

Advertisements

About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Cinema, Faith, Gratitude, humor, Love, Uncategorized, writing and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

28 Responses to Don’t Just Do Something…Sit There

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    I know what you mean, Susannah. Sometimes life gets frustrating. You want to take the bull by the horns, but there aren’t any horns to grab.
    I like what you say about ‘all we have is today …’ I’m going to remember this and apply it to my life.

    Like

    • Wish I could say I coined it but it’s one of the cornerstones of 12 Step. They try to teach you to stay within your 24 hours since who knows what the future will bring…could even be something glorious though one never seems to consider that. I’ve always loved the image of grabbing the bull by the horns…Lucy comes to mind whenever I hear it…Have I told you lately Skinny, how much I appreciate your daily two cents to match my own? I do 🙂

      Like

  2. pmahaney says:

    Now there you are, writing about the worries many of us share (especially after the holidays) and with your usual flare and wit. Fear not? Like hell! Worry can grab hold of us all, and when the hour is late (or early as it appears to be in our case), the quiet encourages our minds to conjure up nightmares that our sleep could never dream of having. Your approach to such a grim night of concern is to be applauded, however throwing on your jeans before going out without a top, is likely to awaken many a male, at the very least their manhood. Hoping I put a smile back on your face Susannah. :0)

    Like

    • Now that you mention it Pat, I didn’t say anything about a top. Models, we get away with murder…lol The middle of the night should be avoided if possible. Knock yourself out with whatever’s available: scotch, drugs, a sledgehammer. The devil lurks on a sleepless night…and yes, you made me smile…my topless self.

      Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    I just love your descriptors. You need to get paid writing gigs not for making baloney sandwiches. You are very interesting to read and everyone can relate to this. I had a very good yesterday and today I’m on top of the world. I feel young and alive. I wish I could bottle it for the next round of cabin fever. Too bad your grandfather didn’t explain how to bottle your optimism and store that for the 3 a.m. nuclear bomb.

    Like

    • So glad to hear you’re so happy…yes, if only we could patent it…the trouble with being a model for most of your life is, with the exception of drawing the perfect lip line without a mirror, there’s not much else you do. Maybe I can develop a circus act and take it on the road…keep chipper…send it this way…maybe you can FedEx 🙂

      Like

  4. micklively says:

    At best, patience is an over-rated virtue; at worst, not a virtue at all. Impatience built the world. You only get one stab at this, and you have to play the hand you’re dealt. The best time to be happy is NOW. There is a veritable plethora of horns to be grabbed. You are better equiped than most.
    I disagree with you about Ingrid: nuns are not supposed to look like that.

    Like

  5. micklively says:

    I’m not saying you’re guilty of this: I don’t know or understand all of your circumstances. BUT it’s easy to “hide behind” the “move too quickly and blow the whole game” argument, even when no decision is DEFINITELY the wrong decision. Only you can know for sure.

    Like

  6. Joe Owens says:

    It is too easy to be consumed with ourselves and not see that others struggle. I will pray for bountiful opportunities for you so that choosing is the issue rather than having to anguish over the bills. Being a friend is caring about your friend’s predicaments. I hope to hear soon your new job is wonderful.

    Like

  7. You will get work. It will be what you are great at. As you said, it always comes. I know that feeling. It is a good thing we are not close by one another, we would probably drive each other nuts over worry! I have stressed and stewed about working for over a year now. I have sent out resumes and have heard, ‘don’t you have current experience?’ To which I wanted to reply, “NO, and I’m old and gray too’. didn’t do that, but really wanted to. So, I know it is hard to sit and wait, but I will believe for you… there are brighter days coming and soon there will be no publications that won’t have your lovely face gracing their pages. You are talented (otherwise it would not have been your career), and lovely and I am going to believe the day is coming when companies will have to settle for the likes of the one who was boasting to you because you will just be too busy to work for them. ❤

    Like

  8. At least you could give make up tips… I could do that if you were heading to a costume party 😉

    Like

  9. Patricia says:

    Sometimes it is hard not to worry. I used to set a time…like I will worry the first 10 minutes of the hour or on Tuesday and Friday mornings. If worry tried to wiggle in at other times it got shut out. I rarely have worries now. At least none that overwhelm me. Drugs help. 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s