The Man Who Couldn’t Stand Up Straight

There’s a little Italian bistro I go to preferably when they first open. I like to have a quick bite bathed in quiet then be on my way.

When they open their doors at noon, I’m there at 12:10, but a very tall man is always there before me.

The first thing you notice is how he’s all bent over attempting to conceal his height, images-4 something I can relate to.

I’ve been my total height, 5’8, since the fourth grade. Imagine Gulliver playing kickball. In order to appear shorter, I’d hunch my shoulders inward drooping my head like a four day old rose. Of course it didn’t work, now it just looked as if my posture was bad along with being big for my age, but that didn’t deter me. What would you have done being called The Jolly Green Giant of math class?

Little did anyone know, including me, I’d become a a jolly green model.images-5 Naturally this man, also stooped like the bough of a tree, captured my interest. I always say hello, how are you since it’s just the two of us besides the waitstaff. I see how hard it is for him to say hello back.

“Is he in pain?” I asked Marco the waiter who said, “No, he just doesn’t want to be bothered Miss Bianchi.”

I was merely being pleasant, but I get the Greta Garbo, I vont to be alone concept since, God knows, I do too.

I can tell you one thing, every time I see this man I go home and take 3 million milligrams of calcium with a silo of milk. Makes a girl conscious of her bones, that’s for sure.

When I saw him take out a small change purse, the kind your grandmother had where she’d keep her extra dimes, I knew this guy’s posture was the least of his troubles.

Real men have money clips or shove bills in their pockets as if they just won big at poker. ย ย  They also don’t wear wool cardigans that zip.

Hey, I’m on to something here. These small details make a difference. You never saw Popeye in a sweater did you? This guy needs to go home and watch a couple of Steve McQueen moviesย images-3 or maybe Gary Cooper in High Noon.

I made a list of ways he could straighten up because I knew, if he acted more masculine his back would be back before you could say, I’ll have a hanger steak, rare…want to see it bleeding on the hoof.”

Like any tree, all he really needs is a little rain and sunshine…

and a blonde on his lap wouldn’t hurt either.images-7


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
This entry was posted in food, humor, New York City, sex, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to The Man Who Couldn’t Stand Up Straight

  1. micklively says:

    At 6′-4″ I can understand why he might want to stoop. I broke my neck in 1980 (80mph argument with an agricultural vehicle): it took me ten years to lose the stoop from that. That was when I was young and relatively fit. I’m not sure how I would deal with a spinal injury today. I didn’t vant to be alone but I sure wanted someone to relieve the pain. I didn’t know I used my neck to walk, or smile, or talk, or breathe until I broke it, but I had plenty of reminders afterwards.


    • wow…you broke your neck…I’m stunned and so, so sorry. Didn’t realize you were that tall. This man is taller by a good three inches. I feel for him even though he became an essay…he’s very sad looking and clearly doesn’t have a Maeve to eat Gnocchi with. Too bad i couldn’t introduce him to Carmela…wag wag.


  2. Just slip him the list when you’re waiting in line together. Make sure specify that he needs a blond or he might think you’re hitting on him. ๐Ÿ˜‰
    I’m 6’1″, which isn’t crazy tall, but it’s tall enough for Korea. I have to be careful whacking my head on low entrances sometimes.


    • My list is quite jam-packed with tips and suggestions gloriously wine induced. You must be a giant in Korea. I always think of ypu as Hawkeye Pierce drinking a cuppa Joe in the mess Mash making a lasting impression ๐Ÿ™‚


      • Probably best not to give him the list unless you both have drunk a lot of wine together, not that that would ever happen.
        I wouldn’t mind looking like Hawkeye. In any case, with my height and my full, black beard, I do get a lot of looks. Not all good, but most men really love the beard. ๐Ÿ™‚


      • I make lists when I’m out dining alone…quiet often they turn into a blog entry. I can see your little picture…you look quite dashing and your neighbors, though short, I’m sure are dazzled.


  3. jimmie chew says:

    oh i feel bad for him, you should have lunch with him and make his day! ๐Ÿ™‚
    (no please dont,)


    • I would never make his day…he seems annoyed when I’m even in the restaurant across the room…who knows what really ails him. But that sweater has to go…toll booth collectors are chicer Jimmie.


  4. katecrimmins says:

    Sounds like he goes there early to avoid people too. Sometimes we can’t save everyone but we do keep on trying. I dated a guy a few times. He really treated women nicely — flowers, best restaurants, etc. His shortcomings included no attention to style or grooming, dislike of animals (a deal breaker for me), no means of transportation which meant I had to pick him up all the time (not good public transportation here). Somehow it didn’t come across very manly. He dated a friend of mine and she spent a year trying to get his grooming shaped up. Sadly, she gave up and moved on. It is possible your guy has some medical problems.


    • Could be…but who knows…he eats like he’s going to the chair…big appetite…as far as your guy went…were you a taxi service? Grooming is a problem for me always…an ex pal of mine used to smell…I could never tell him…he had a girlfriend too who did not smell…how could she not inform him of his hygiene issues? Are we just peculiar women Kate who need a clean, fresh smell to greet us when we pick them up? Is a bar of soap too much to ask? I feel a post coming on.


  5. poor guy, all the weight of the world… your list sounds ideal. I hit my full height in fourth grade, only grew another inch or two after that…. My mom called me snake hips because I had none (wish it was still the case…), I was also known as the jolly green giant, and wilt the stilt… now I am just average height and an inch or two shorter after breaking my back. Great post, as usual. Thanks I love reading your words!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.