In Heat

A friend just told me he has so much heat in his apartment he’s wearing shorts and a T-shirt. I, on the other hand, have on two coats.

There’s so much snow coming down I just may change my name to Heidi. Believe me when I say, it’s no day to be without heat.

They’ve recently sold my building to a mysterious buyer. I keep thinking it’s Donald Trump but then again, he likes being in the forefront…the ham with bad hair.

Meanwhile, everything is falling apart.

Where before I could at least get my landlady on the phone, now we have a number no one answers.

The only alternative is calling the city to complain. They take down your info asking…do you wish to leave your name or remain anonymous. Where before I’d be the Mata Hari of complainers, now I’m Norma Rae shaking in my boots…and not because I’m afraid either…I’m fucking freezing, pardon my French.

By the way, what the hell does that mean, pardon my French? I’ve always wondered. But back to the matter at hand.

I had a little tryst not long ago with a Scotsman who recently came back to town, so after dinner, rather than his hotel, I asked him to my place for coffee-and, if you know what I mean.

This guy hails from a country that has anything but mild winters, but after attempting to get cozy amid my collection of Polo pillows said, “Way dun’t we graybb a caybb to may hatel whar et’s wamer.”

Romance, on the rocks…with extra socks.

Even as I write I’m in my down coat with three layers underneath. It looks as if I’ve gained weight.

Clearly they’re trying to get us all to move, something I’m not about to do.

Time to get tough….put my rent in escrow…get a lawyer…or call my cousin Tony in Staten Island to come talk to the Donald or whomever my new landlord may be.

Whatever’s cheaper….

“Hello Tony, ya busy?”8042126-woman-shivering-and-sitting-near-radiator-trying-to-heat-up

She could use a trim.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Home, humor, New York City, sex, Uncategorized, women and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

25 Responses to In Heat

  1. I don’t mind being cold outside, but not inside too. In our apartment here it’s usually okay, since all houses in Korea have the underfloor heating. Schools and offices are another issue and sometimes they are quite cold.
    Hope you can get warm. Call Donald up and tell him to stop skimping on the heat.

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    • I wish it were him, then at least I could barge into his office and threaten his hair. This is some big company that owns many properties so they’re pretty had to pin down. It’s a little warmer outside today…thank God. Korea sounds like a place I’d like to visit…I love the food. There’s a section in Manhattan with 8 or 9 restaurants in a row. I love how they give you little plates of various things. Korean antipasto if you will.

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      • Whenever I move back to North America, I really hope it’s somewhere with decent Korean food. The city I live in is the food capital of Korea, so I’ve gotten spoiled. I do love all the side dishes you get, all with unlimited refills, at least here in Korea. There is one kind of meal you can get, the old traditional palace food that has something like 50 dishes on the table at once. It’s pretty expensive though.

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      • I WOULD LOVE THAT!!!

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      • If you make it over to Korea, I’ll treat you. πŸ™‚ Or, next time you’re in a Korean restaurant, ask if they have ‘han-jeong-shik’. ‘back-bon’ also has a lot of side dishes and is cheaper and is more common.

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      • There’s nothing like being treated to a lavish lunch. I’m making a note: ever in Korea lunch with DS πŸ™‚

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  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    I feel for you, Susannah. My back starts seizing up when I get too cold. No fun at all. The first time we went to Russia was in December 1993, at the base of the Ural Mountains on the edge of Siberia. As cold as it was outside, the heat on the inside of the buildings had to be close to 90 degrees. The people had no control over it.
    With the temp too hot, at least you can open windows and pretend you’re in the Bahamas. Who wants to pretend they’re in the Arctic?

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    • If only I could adopt a couple of polar bears, then it would all be worth it. It’s snowing here rather lavishly. I actually went to Starbucks like Sergeant Preston of the Yukon. I understand about your back. My body isn’t at its best at the moment. When it’s cold, it grips which results in achy muscles and of course being skinny doesn’t help, right Skinny? This is when a few extra pounds would help πŸ™‚

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  3. Hi Susannah, I am new to your blog and am having such a great time going through your posts. You are so funny! (but I am sure you know this already!) ~just thought of dropping of letting you know πŸ™‚

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  4. micklively says:

    There was a time when anything exotic came with the soubriquet “French” or “Chinese”. Nothing whatever to do with either France or China. It doesn’t show much imagination, but at least everyone understood. We had French Cricket, Chinese Whispers, Chinese Burns, French Skipping.
    Do you not have small claims courts in the US?

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    • We do have small claims court. But what’s so exotic about cursing…everyone does, even if it’s only under their breath. I’m convinced nuns are no exception. ‘Damn this wimple is pulling my ears back again.’ You know Mick, I’d pay to hear a nun say, pardon my French.

      What are Chinese Whispers? Like the sound of it. “Pssst..there’s MSG in the chop suey… Am I close? πŸ™‚

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      • micklively says:

        Chinese whispers is where a whispered message is passed from person to person, through a crowd, and eventually back to the instigator, who compares the original with the final version. It can be fun, especially at a party, or where there’s lots of background noise.
        Do you know the joke about the two nuns driving through Transylvania, confronted by Count Dracula? “Show him your cross!” shouts the first. “Fuck off you toothy bastard!” shouts the second.

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      • I never did hear that one Mick, till now. Nothing like a good nun joke to warm ya up…I can remember playing CW as a kid but not calling it that. You just took me down memory lane along with musical chairs and ‘when I went on a picnic, I brought potato salad…then you say, I went on a picnic and brought potato salad and kippers…get it?

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      • micklively says:

        Maeve and I play games like that when we’re driving anywhere, to make the journey time pass.

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      • To recapture innocence is a wonderful thing Mick.

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      • micklively says:

        Yes, that and one as ancient as I needs to keep his memory well exercised. πŸ˜‰

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  5. jimmie chew says:

    you need a cat to cuddle up with! hope you get heat soon 😦

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  6. katecrimmins says:

    Ah ha! The Scotsman was back! You didn’t get that one past me. It’s appropriate that you go back to the hotel not only for warmth but hey, there is room service! We have very robust snow here. Everything’s closed. I can’t believe you still don’t have heat. This is a long time!

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  7. Elle Knowles says:

    “Pardon my French” – My mother used to say that after she said “Damn”. That’s the worse word I ever heard her say! LOL Yes, you need heat. It’s even cold here and I live in Florida!

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    • Ah, Florida, the F word. There’s a swimsuit shop right downstairs and just last night peered in the window thinking how great it would be to fly to Florida…the land of no socks. I refuse to think it’s cold there, will ruin my fantasy Elle. Instead I’ll pretend you’re by the pool sipping crantinis smothered in Ban de soliel…or however it’s spelled…DAMN…pardon my French πŸ™‚

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  8. Patricia says:

    Bummers about the heat thing. I’m tellin ya a coupla cats would do ya good. We have had an ice storm but it is beginning to warm up a bit and the ice is slushy now. The week-end tempd are to be in the 50’s. Teddy is more excited than me about it. He hasn’t been outside in a week.

    Like

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