Hot Men

When my pal Camille heard I was having trouble sleeping she suggested, rather than sheep and dead presidents, I count the men I’ve dated.

“It’s very relaxing,” she said, “better than Ambien even,” so I decided to give it a whirl.

I found myself popping a file on each one so when I came to Jack, I’ll call him, I remembered how hot he was and not in bed either. Actually, he was a wham bam thank you ma’am kinda fella with his own built-in thermostat.

This guy was never cold.

It could be the middle of February with tempts below zero (sound familiar?) and he’d have on an unlined, leather jacket not even zipped over a T-shirt and cotton chinos with skin sizzling like a Bunsen burner.

He’d sleep naked with the windows wide open while I, trying my best to cuddle, shivered in my camel-hair coat. I finally had to break up with him…he was bad for my health.

The next morning when I told Camille about him she shook her big red head, “Why would you stay with someone like that Susannah, even for a week?”

“I’m not that shallow Camille. He was okay company, and I was trying to hang in there even though my teeth were chattering.”

“I’m referring to him being bad in bed. If he was hot all around I could understand. But you said he was quick, like a Toyota commercial.”

“Did I say that?”

“You did, and aptly put, if that was the case.”

“I’ve always tried to rise above sex. It’s not everything you know.”

“Of course it is. Who are you kidding?”

Another argument I’ll never win.

I like to think of Jack as a polar bear I went out with. Loving them as I do, it made it easier to go on to number 19, Manny the chef who brought me bouquets of dill and rosemary instead of flowers.

I never did make it to number 20, Veylor the bass player…he was Swedish, with a beat.

G’night.                images-2

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, humor, sex, Uncategorized, Women and men and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

26 Responses to Hot Men

  1. ‘I was trying to hang in there’…is it a woman thing? Glad you got some sleep although sheep probably would have required less temp variations 🙂

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  2. micklively says:

    Very funny Susannah. I definitely sympathise with you on the exothermic body type problem.
    Do models enjoy (?) a statistically significant larger number of beaus (beaux?) than the rest of society? My guess is most women couldn’t raise a list long enough to overcome chronic insomnia. Maybe they’d use “men who could (should, would?) have wooed me” instead?

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    • I was a party girl back in the day Mick. Now forget it. I’d rather have a tooth pulled than to have to go to one. I’m much happier writing or reading. When I was running around in mini shirts and stilettos who knew.

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  3. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, next time you can’t get to sleep you’ll have to start with the most recent and work your way back. That way it won’t get old.

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  4. That sounds like my wife and I, never the same temperature. She is usually the hot one, although it switches sometimes, I think. I wrote a story about it. Your comment of hanging in there reminded me of it too. http://greenwalledtower.wordpress.com/2012/06/25/when-opposites-attractlike-matter-and-anti-matter/

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  5. I think Jack may be my neighbor who was shoveling snow in shorts and t-shirt last week. Your curiosity most likely got the best of you with this one, which is why you hung on for more than a week. Inquiring minds need answers, but we can’t think straight with chattering teeth.

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  6. katecrimmins says:

    Can’t wait to read your memoirs. Don’t forget to do a chapter or two on Camille. You two together must have been a hoot!

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  7. Arthur Seder says:

    Interesting – lately, when going to sleep, I’ve begun to remind myself to think of either past loves (the good parts), or better yet, of potential future ones. Even at the risk of getting a little excited, it’s way better than my default of worrying about tomorrow, which of course I can’t do anything about

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  8. I love it! I once heard a saying that when you are young the women are always cold and the men are always hot… when you start to age (at the time, I thought about being 40! haha) the men are always cold and the women are hot…. I have to agree to a point because I am one hot lady, sags and bags and all the gray hair…. Loved this post, you make my day!

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