Hey Cupcake…Can I buy You A Drink?

This is from an old Margaret Smith joke I love.

A man sidles up to her at a bar and says,”Hey Cupcake, images-1 can I buy you a drink?”

She says, “No, but I’ll take the three bucks.” You can see how old that joke really is if a drink was so cheap. Now her answer would be, no, but I’ll take the twelve bucks, or nineteen if she was at The Carlyle.

Can I buy you a drink is the oldest line in the book. I’ll bet George Washington images-1said it to Martha… “Hey Colonial Girl, can I buy you a Madeira?”

I was sitting at the bar of the bistro I like since a meal wasn’t in my budget, and this fat guy with hair that looked imported says with the aplomb of Errol Flynn,  images “Can I buy you a drink?”

I look down at my glass and say, “Thanks, already have one.”

Now if I was smart I might have been a smidgeon more charming and reaped that dinner he was itching to buy me, but I’d rather sit home with a book and a ham and cheese on rye than be with someone whose hair looked like a laundry basket. It made me wonder what he was like as a baby. images

I just don’t have that gene…Camille has it, and even my mother did but one I didn’t  inherit. I have no patience. The minute he’d say something remotely leaning toward lust, I would have been out of there so fast feeling guilty no less. That Catholicism, though lapsed, dies hard.

You ordered Spaghetti Marinara and Tartuffo under false pretenses? You’re going to hell young lady, in a laundry basket.

Tartuffo is my friend Hal’s favorite dessert. For those non-Italians out there, it’s a block of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice-cream that could easily crack a tooth if you’re not careful.

Forgive the digression.

I tell Camille she should teach a seminar on how to accept dinner invitations from men she’d never speak to the next day. I’d be the first in line with Joanne bringing up the rear.

She’s another one whose charm is down a quart. If we’re out together and Camille attracts a homely threesome, she’ll get up and leave. Connecticut, sadly, doesn’t allow me to do this, but Joanne’s halfway home before anyone can say, “Does she always go to the ladies room with her hat, coat and umbrella?”

Camille insists that one never knows if one of these frogs might turn into a prince.  I suppose that’s true. She likes using Sophia Loren falling in love with Carlo Ponti as an example. images

“He was fat and bald, yet he swept her off her feet.”

“She was drunk, and thought he was a stray of some kind and you know what happens when you let one in your house…that’s it.”

I know, a flimsy argument, but it’s all I had.

When I refused laundry basket’s offer, he shrugged like Bacciagalupe, the fruit man on Abbot and Costello.  hqdefault

The thought made me giggle out loud, so I asked him if he wanted to sit down…and no, I didn’t accept his appetizer.

That hair swinging in the breeze like Tarzan snatched away my appetite, as it were.


All pictures courtesy of Google Images


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in dessert, humor, New York City, sex, Uncategorized, Women and men and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Hey Cupcake…Can I buy You A Drink?

  1. micklively says:

    Very funny Susannah.
    I suppose I could ask what you consider to be an honest approach, if you’re adamant that drink and bad hair won’t work? 😉


  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    You’re a good person, Susannah. I’m sure he appreciated the invite to sit, but no drinky.


  3. This seems to be an issue only women have to deal with. I have no idea what I would do if I were single and a woman offered to buy me a drink. Probably laugh. 🙂


  4. backonmyown says:

    The baby picture is a classic. Now I know exactly what the old fart looked like. Thanks, as always, for making me laugh.


  5. katecrimmins says:

    I never was good at that either. My bestie Maggie (who was a lot like Camille) could wrangle dinner, a weekend in the Hamptons or a trip to Europe out of anyone.


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