The Camille Chronicles – April 2014

images-1 Camille and I are at an art opening in Soho. I have to say, the artist must be six by the looks of his work that resembles finger painting.

The prices are off the charts and as I told Camille, I’d like to meet the asshole who’s going to buy one.

“Hi, I’m Dave…wanna see the painting I just bought? And you two are?”

“I’m Camille, and this is Susannah, how do you do.” I watched Camille scale him from head to toe like a dress she was interested in before she felt the fabric. He was handsome alright, but definitely played for the other side.

“I am just so thrilled to be the owner of that painting,” he cooed, pointing to a splash of fingers on the far wall. “It will look gorgeous over my king-size, canopied bed.”

“You don’t say,” I said, my eyes glazing over. When I’m turned off, it’s written all over my face. My grandmother used to say when displeased I looked like a holy picture. Camille, who, if the guy was straight would have been much more attentive, was preening in her tiny mirror mumbling mirror mirror on the wall. But none of this deterred dapper Dave.

“I think you girls should buy one too…imagine what it will do for your sex life.”

“Like ending it?” It just popped from my mouth like a tiny toad.

“I’ll have you know, I’m a top decorator and my advice is worth your consideration.”

“I’ll have you know, I couldn’t afford you anyway since my apartment is more or less furnished from the street.”

“Dave, let’s be honest here,” said Camille,” (uh-oh) we really have nothing that you could possibly want so perhaps it would be in your better interest if you moseyed on along.”

Omigod…this guy looked like he got hit in the face with a pie.

‘Well, that was quite rude of you.”

“It all depends how you look at it. We just saved you a lot of time. We’re not money girls, at least not anymore…we really only came for the shrimp”




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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13 Responses to The Camille Chronicles – April 2014

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I was an art major, but that doesn’t mean I like all art. Some styles that I don’t care for I can still appreciate. But then there is quite a bit that doesn’t get a ‘like’ or an appreciative nod.
    As for your writing, it is an art form in itself. The following line – “It just popped from my mouth like a tiny toad.” – is an example of writing as art. Both liked and appreciated!


  2. micklively says:

    Outrageous behaviour, but very funny, just the same. Thanks Susannah.


  3. katecrimmins says:

    Honesty is always the best policy. When I was younger (way younger) I would be so polite that the toads didn’t get the message until I was so frustrated that I would be blunt! Camille doesn’t screw around with politeness. I like that about her. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll grow up to be like her.


  4. I think the other commenters stole my line, I love the line about the line popping out of your mouth like a tiny toad. What a perfect picture. I agree with your uh-oh: no good can come of the preface “let’s be honest here” ๐Ÿ™‚


    • Hello there on a Saturday…or is it already Sunday there…yeah, the honesty thing eludes me though in this case, she had a point. This guy wasn’t leaving and, let’s just say, we’ve graduated from the likes of the glitzy. These parties are replete with men like that…and women…all is surface, nothing remotely interesting. In other words, nothing sticks.

      I’d rather be home with a book than making idle, polite chit chat with someone I have no interest in…but there was a time.

      Honestly…ain’t what it’s all cracked up to be.

      That essay by the way, did so poorly. Maybe the masses are tired of me and Camille.

      Enjoy your weekend David.


  5. Hopefully the shrimp was good!


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