I made my maiden voyage on eBay last weekend. My good friend Peter from Florida, who’s a merchandising master, taught me the ropes. At least he tried to, before it became more and more like a Lucy episode.
It wasn’t the set-up that threw me, that went smoothly enough, it was my pricing that put me in peddler’s purgatory.
I have another friend Joan who has a whole business on eBay and she said, “If the site makes any suggestions, ignore it.”
Of course, little obedient Susannah from the Nutmeg State wouldn’t hear of not listening to Mr. eBay, who in my mind, looks like Harry Truman, which is why my one and only sale came at a loss.
I’m laughing as I’m writing at the irony opening the account to hopefully make a little money. I put up five items…took pictures, made up lavish descriptions…but when it came to pricing…bye-bye profit.
Luckily it was only a T-shirt, but one I really liked since it had Brooklyn across the front. The reason I decided to sell it was because it was huge, therefore buried in the back of my drawer for over a decade.
I had one guy interested who kept asking me questions. It’s a T-shirt that would fit Shreck, what else do you need to know?
It was also, despite how long I’ve had it, virtually brand new. Nowadays, when you go to Brooklyn’s Borough Hall’s gift shop, they don’t make them as well. Where before they were beautifully printed, now they’re cheaply stenciled. Anything to save a dime, a lesson forever eluding me.
I get a notice from eBay saying the auction is coming to a close, but not to worry, anything (everything) that didn’t sell they will happily relist. Did I want to make any revisions?
Yes Mr. eBay, as a matter of fact I would. I’d like to start my Brooklyn T-shirt a little higher than your FUCKED UP suggestion of .99. Yes, that is not a misprint. Harry Truman said, that was the smart way to begin.
HAH…THE .99 STOPS HERE HARRY.. IT DIDN’T EVEN MAKE IT TO A BUCK.
Well, when I went to revise, I hit the wrong button ending the auction by accident, and what that means, unbeknownst to Lucy, whoever bid on an item gets it.
So, my 20 question guy got my T-shirt for less than a dollar plus postage ,and because I sent it so beautifully, I’m out 1.25. In other words, the 4.21 he owed me, didn’t cover it.
Alright, do you want to know how stupid I really am? For me, presentation is everything. I laundered and ironed it, folding it neatly…plus put in a bright blue bandana for his teenage son he, allegedly, was away with on holiday. The package just needed something to make it look more festive. I know, Susannah maybe your shrink’s in this afternoon.
How did I know he was away? He told me in an e-mail because his payment would be delayed. Do you think that stopped me from mailing the package?
Peter, once he came to, said, “You know Susannah, it’s better to wait until they pay you before you send the merchandise.”
Oh what the hell. I like to get things done and couldn’t wait for something as trivial as payment…and yes, I’d love another vodka on the rocks, and let’s make it a double.
I don’t care that’s it’s 5 in the morning.
eBay lets you download labels, but I had a little issue there too.
The good news, the item arrived…the bad? I’m still not paid. He’s complaining it’s more a medium than a large.
Yes, Mr. T-shirt is clearly trying to beat me out of my 4.21 without even a mention of the complimentary bandana.
As Peter so eloquently put it…People can be so disappointing.
And what it told me loud and clear is…I’m just not an eBay kinda girl.
I took all my other items off except for one, only because for some reason, I couldn’t, once again, locate the right button.
I think NASA should be called in to give an online tutorial on how, not to lose your shirt.
So take good care T…enjoy your new life. Hopefully, now you’ll get out more since he’ll probably sell you for what you’re really worth. As far as your new owner’s karma goes, he’s coming back as a big, fat toad wearing ladies underwear… and a bandana. SB