A Nose For A Nose

Women will never cease to amaze me.

I’m sitting at The Atlantic Grill waiting for the late, great Camille, when a lady comes over to covertly ask me…who did my nose.

A tad slow on the take, it didn’t register right away.

“My nose…is it bleeding?”Β  images-1

She came closer the way you might to tell a guy his zipper was down.

“Your doctor…who was it that fixed your nose. It wasn’t Berman was it?”

Like the cavalry, in swept Camille to take the question.Β  images-4

“I wouldn’t let Berman fix my sink let alone something I breathe out of…no one in their right mind goes to him if they’re smart.”

‘Wait a minute…so Berman does bad noses?” I said, realizing this woman was saying she didn’t like mine.

“He’s a boob man,” said Camille. “Would you go to a tire dealer to buy china?”

images-2“Excuse me?”

I wasn’t even drinking at this point yet this whole conversation had me spinning. My nose is nothing to write home about, but like Nora Ephron wrote in her novel Heartburn, it goes with my face.

“Why did you ask me about my nose?” I said, not concealing my edge.

“It’s nice, but still on the big side so I’m wondering who made the error, so I wouldn’t go to him. You see I’m shopping for rhinoplasty.”

I now had visions of rhinos in robes with their snouts bandaged.

“For your information madam…

“Gem, call me Gem.”

“GEM…I’VE NEVER HAD A NOSE JOB.”

“Oh, now I understand.”

“Understand what exactly?”

“That you need one?” piped in Camille, “at least Gem here thinks so. What kind of a name is Gem anyway?”

“It’s short for Gemala.”

“Really…you know sweetie, if I were you, rather than my nose, I’d fix my name….

waiter…table for two.”

You gotta love Camille.

SB

The doctor’s name was changed. Last thing I need is a lawsuit.

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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22 Responses to A Nose For A Nose

  1. jimmie chew says:

    only in nyc! πŸ™‚

    Like

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    I can not believe anyone would do that, Susannah! Perhaps if she really, really, liked your nose and wanted to copy it. Actually I have a few cousins that might say something like that.
    When I first gained my 20 pounds, I also went from 32A to 36C. An older cousin that hadn’t seen me in a while asked when I got the implants. She made it clear that she didn’t buy my early menopause/gained weight explanation. And SHE did go and get implants in her late fifties. They went with her new eye and hair color, new nose (yes), mini face and eye lift, and new first name.

    Like

    • OMIGOD! Talk about a make-over…People do say the most inappropriate things. Yesterday I see a guy who stops to tell me I’m too thin. I told him how great he looked…like a J Crew ad…but he could only see my leanness. Annoyed me.

      Like

  3. micklively says:

    That’s hilarious Susannah. I like the idea of a name-job for Gem, and maybe a manners-job and sensitivity-job whilst she’s under the knife.

    Like

  4. Bwahahahaha my goodness. I missed your posts.

    Did that horrible woman really ask you about your nose? Makes for a great story, though

    Like

  5. MJ says:

    Gemala? I think that was the name of T.E. Lawrence’s camel,

    Like

    • Are you kidding? That’s great MJ…revenge with a hump…lol

      Like

      • MJ says:

        Been a long time since I read Lawrence’s “Seven Pillars of Wisdom”, (like summer 1970-something, basking on the sands of Island Beach, NJ with Peter O’Toole on the brain), and that sprang to mind when I saw “Gemala”. T.E.’s famous she-camel, “the finest racer in northern Arabia”, the males being so stupid and ornery, the Bedouin only used them for breeding. Now that I think more about it, though, the name was “Ghazala”. But hey, it’s Hump Day!

        Like

      • Never read that…sounds very L. Durrell whom I love. Will check it out. Ghazala, Gemala…all sounds the same, and I love Hump Day. That says it all, doesn’t it?

        Like

  6. katecrimmins says:

    How do you find these people? Strangers too! Last time anyone approached me like that, I had toilet paper on my shoe.

    Like

  7. MJ says:

    That Camel Woman would presume your beautiful nose was the result of cosmetic surgery, yet alone act on such a presumption, makes me wonder where she came from. Ant-eater Land? I’ve a hunch she’s a visitor. If she shows up at the oasis again, get a switch and send her off with a “Hut hut hut”.

    Like

  8. I’m sure Gemela also goes around asking fat women “so, when are you due?” on purpose. Your nose is just fine and has made a good living over the years, so find a nice soft tissue and give it a big ole rub.

    Like

  9. Haha!! Love this. Love Camille too for her input at just the right time.

    Like

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