Love Verses Tolerance

images I know two women in very unhappy marriages. When I see them, pain oozes from their pores like pus. Talk about an ad for remaining single.

One stays married for fear of losing too much in a divorce, since her husband is a hot shot lawyer. After thirty years and a child, I don’t see how she could lose, but fear, nonetheless, has her by her bank account.

The other girl has been married a little over a decade, but being very religious, would never think of divorce. She prays instead, hoping God will heal her marriage. I think that depends on what God has to work with. A union lacking love is like baking bread without flour.

With the exception of financial safety, their lives read like prison sentences.

Here I am, broke as can be, but don’t have a partner I’d like to kill in his sleep, though it wasn’t that long ago when I did.

I remember too having financial security…the one boon being with him…but the price I paid became too high. There’s an expression; is the fucking you’re getting worth the fucking you’re getting? images-1


I remember you could have cut my unhappiness with a cleaver.

I was told by many how stupid I was to leave. I heard things like, “Where are going to find another rich guy at your age Susannah?”

“Just drink more and take money out of his wallet when he’s mean.”

“So’s he’s screwing somebody else, good…just think, you won’t have to sleep with him as often.” (no, sadly, these are not made up)

I’m from the school, you’re with someone because you love them, and if you don’t…get the fuck out, because life is just too damned short.

Too drastic?

Tell me that on your deathbed.

I left my ex after my best friend died in 2009. It was the push I needed, because she too had been in a very bad marriage she so wanted to get out of, but then got sick.

Cancer, I’m afraid, even trumps divorce.

The two women I mentioned earlier tolerate their husbands. Love is nowhere to be found. Yes, they aren’t alone and their bills get paid, but to invent excuses not to be home makes me feel fortunate my life is lived, perhaps a little lonelier, but a lot more honestly.

I try not to judge, but it’s sad to me. Makes you wonder, did they ever love the men they married? My naivete says, if you loved them once, you could love them again.

I’m ashamed to admit, I never loved my former fellow that way. He was a rebound man that plied me with gifts and trips…fancy dinners and yes, enough alcohol to make me forget the asshole before him. He was like a sweepstakes I won to a place I didn’t necessarily want to go to, but went anyway. There was never a honeymoon period I could excavate five years later when he was schtupping an employee telling me what a bore I was, as he drunkenly searched for where he parked his rental car.

Have you seen it? I’d lie and point him in the wrong direction. Served him right.

As frightened as I am of my future, I can’t say I’m sorry I’m not still there smelling another woman’s cologne, even with fifties in my pocket.

I’d rather be alone, impoverished with the possibility, love…with all its luggage…is on the way.

It just may be stuck in traffic somewhere.  images-3




About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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20 Responses to Love Verses Tolerance

  1. I sadly know too many of all the women you women you mentioned in this post and you’re right, it’s very sad. I’d rather be in a box on a street corner making my own decisions on who I will accept change from than living the prison life. No thanks!


    • I’d rather be in a box on a street corner…the phrase of the day…They are so unhappy these two women to the point of poor posture…they slump as they walk.

      I don’t have the personality…just don’t do mean anymore, and love…if I don’t feel it down to my socks, I’ll pass. There’s always a dog or cat to hug…Rosie, Carmela…I just met a Prince Charles Spaniel puppy named Ansel I am besotted with. She’s the size of one of Carmela’s ears.


  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    You are absolutely right about this, Susannah. I actually had a good relationship with a multi-millionaire back in the late 70s. He was handsome, a nice guy, and he loved me. The catch? I didn’t love him and finally had to admit to myself that I never would. If we’d ever married, I might have become the jerk that cheated on a wonderful person. Instead, we parted on good terms and five years later I met my Pookie-Pie. Money is not worth your soul.


    • I don’t have the marry fr money gene…never did…if I had believe me Skinny, I’d be living much differently. A man with money who leaves you cold is a hard nut to crack, no pun intended. Just think, if you stayed with him, you would have never met Pookie-Pie.


  3. katecrimmins says:

    Alone isn’t lonely. I spent most of my life alone and in many ways I almost enjoy it better. It was quite an adjustment when I met and married my husband. We were both in our 60s and what the old folks call “set in our ways.” Let’s just say it was touch and go for a while. His favorite color was brown. All his furniture ended up with Goodwill. We both learned to let go and compromise. I am a minimalist in the kitchen. He likes all the gadgets on the counter. We compromise with a toaster and a coffeemaker sitting out and all the rest in drawers (or in the trash — good Lord who needs all that stuff?). Oh yes and his pills. Earlier in life I was in a marriage that was getting stale. My idea was to spend more time together. His was to get a girlfriend half my age. I wasn’t going to stay in that one for sure.


    • How brave to get married after being on your own that long. Brava Kate. I like the term minimalist…that’s me down to a T. A rule I have I’m not always faithful to is…if I get something, something needs to go.

      Good you got rid of husband number 1. Smart, and appliances or no appliances, hubs number 2 sounds cool…he loves cats, goldfish and frog porn. We like him.


  4. micklively says:

    I think you’ve given the obvious answer. It has a good deal of merit but not everyone has the courage to play their hand that way.
    Couples can have the weirdest “fits” and complaining is an endemic pass-time. It’s all too easy to view from without and assume you’ve gleaned the pertinent facts.
    Too many folk imagine they deserve a fairytale life, having done fuck-all to earn one. Don’t marry a man and expect him to behave like a woman. We’re not wired the same as women for good reasons.


    • Now Mick, I’ve seemed to hit a nerve. All I’m saying is, you need to care about who you’re with…life along with yourself, deserves that. As far as…things are never what they seem…the two women I described I know intimately so it’s not me writing a screenplay.


      • micklively says:

        Of course and I did say it has a good deal of merit but, even allowing for your intimacy, I’m guessing you have only one side of the story, and you appear to be interpolating the whole world from your sample of two. Not good stats!
        How would you adjudicate if she complains he has a roving eye, while he complains she’s frigid? Should he be made celibate? See what I mean? There are no easy answers.


      • Okay Mr. Lively, you win…next time I’ll pen a thesis so I hit every angle 🙂


      • micklively says:

        I await with blissful anticipation!


      • As well you should 🙂


  5. Elle Knowles says:

    Good things come to those who wait! Remember that. 😉 On another note – Where have I been? I see a book listed on Amazon up in that top right corner! Going over there now to check it out. Yay You!


    • Thanks. I put those up myself, but the one I’m excited about is going up on a site called shebooks in mid July. But thanks for noticing. I tried putting the cover up but my limited cyber skills fought me the whole way…sigh.


      • Elle Knowles says:

        Good job… I purchased A New York Diary last night and will begin reading on my trip to Arkansas to visit my sister for the 4th…unless I can’t contain myself that long! 😉 We’ll see. It looks nice on the website. When I clicked it took me to your Facebook page, not Amazon so I just searched Amazon and found it.


      • Another SB cyber glitch…you’re very sweet to buy it Elle…I’m touched. They’re all short except for the last one, and my pal Alex did the cover for me.

        I see you’re published. It’s a nice feeling to know your work is standing up. Thanks again.


      • Elle Knowles says:

        Or barely standing! Lol! I’ve got lots of promoting and marketing and have got to finish that sequel! Like yesterday! I’ll give u a review as soon as I’m finished reading.


      • Promoting is tough…it’s not something I do easily. To be perfectly frank, cringe at the whole idea.

        Again, you’re very nice to download A NY Diary. Thanks Elle.


  6. Arthur Seder says:

    I heard someone say in a meeting once that the bad news was that she hadn’t been in a relationship for 10 years; the good news was, that meant she hadn’t been in a BAD relationship for 10 years! I’ve decided it’s OK to be alone until I get exactly what I want, which in my case has nothing to do with money and everything to do with, would I rather be with this person right here right now than with anyone else under any circumstances. I’ve been lucky enough to be able to answer that affirmatively a few times in my life, and am (more or less)
    patiently awaiting another shot.


    • Oh Arthur…this rocked me a bit. Knowing you as I do, I can’t believe there isn’t a wonderful girl waiting on a train platform for you to pick her up…by car of course. I think as we get older we find out exactly what we want, and what we don’t want…and that’s certainly healthy and good, but it narrows things down as though we were searching for an endangered species with table manners.


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