The Camille Chronicles – July 2014

images Camille and I had a date to go shopping, but instead of Bloomies or Saks she wanted to go to an outlet downtown.

When I tell you this is so not Camille, I’m not kidding.

“Why are we here again?” I asked as we entered a store the size of an airplane hangar.

“I told you, I saw a girl with a little Chanel type jacket who got it from here. It was twenty bucks.”

“Camille, you own real Chanel, why would you want a knock-off?”

“Oh I don’t know, to give to my niece, or just to have.”

This made no sense since her only niece is gay and prefers menswear, but thought it best to not bring that up. There had to be some other reason, and like they say in 12 Step…more will be revealed…and it certainly was.

As we confronted the many racks of little jackets that I’ll admit, were very good copies, the truth, which always makes an appearance, did just that.

“Camille, how many are you buying?” I asked, watching her grab three at a time.

“A few…forty or so.”

This stopped me in my tracks. “Forty? Okay, spill it. What are you up to?”

“Nothing.”

“CAMILLE!”

“Alright alright, but no lectures. I’m going to sell them…on eBay….

I took this in for a second thinking, well that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with her making a few bucks….UNTIL…

My plan is to sew Chanel labels in them…imagine the profit.”

“Imagine your jail term. Are you nuts? You can’t do that. It’s a crime, and a big one at that. Have you been watching To Catch A Thief again (her favorite film)?”

“Lighten up. Nobody in the Midwest will know or care for that matter. They’ll be so thrilled to have such a nice jacket, from a famous designer no less.”  images-2

“Camille, think about what you’re saying. You’ll be the Bernie Madoff of fine knits. They’ll lock you up, and just remember those ugly dresses they make you wear…you hate gray…not to mention being somebody’s bitch while you’re in there. You’ve never been very good at taking orders.”    images-4

She pondered this for a second looking around the vast space like an irritated eagle. “Excuse me,” she called out to a stock boy, “could you please put these back for me…I seem to have an emergency.”

I breathed a sigh of relief. “What emergency would that be exactly?”

“I need to get to Joanne before she starts tearing out those labels.” (Joanne’s another nutty friend of mine who actually likes gray)

“What?”

“She’s at Bergdorf right now snipping.”

“I don’t believe it. Call her…NOW.”

“No, it’s better I tell her in person. She’s going to be so disappointed we’re not going to be rich.”

As we hurried toward the exit Camille suddenly stopped to face me. “Just tell me one thing. If you weren’t such a traditionalist…a bore really… unable to bend those Connecticut rules of yours, don’t you think it was a brilliant idea?”

“Yes,” I said, “if it wasn’t so completely illegal.”

This seemed to please her as we frantically jumped in a cab.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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26 Responses to The Camille Chronicles – July 2014

  1. micklively says:

    Theft and deception. And, given there were two of them engaged in the felonious endeavour, organised crime as well. They could have been looking at ten to twelve years in the pen each. A great story, well told Susannah.

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  2. If it weren’t for that whole damn against the law prison thing …..
    Years ago I worked at the Off 5th Saks Outlet here in Philly. We had a “customer” who would return a pile of designer cashmere sweaters with fake labels. It was insulting to think that she would think I would believe that a bright pink Brillo-like sweater could pass for cashmere.

    Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    She could end up at in a pen that has orange jumpsuits. Does she look better in that? Of course they look like sacks and no jewelry! Funny story. I couldn’t imagine Camille wearing this stuff.

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  4. MJ says:

    I love the Lincoln’s phrase about heeding “our better angels”, and these gals are so lucky to have one in you! Criminal consequences aside, there could be Divine Retribution even now—give in to temptation, and be struck down by a flower pot from a penthouse ledge, or scourged by a disease that causes cankles or beetleback. As one already in deep spiritual doo-doo for what I’ve spent on clothes in this suffering world, I wouldn’t dare exploit my fellow creatures. I still feel guilty about the other day, when I dropped a box of crackers at the food store, then put it back on the shelf and took another one.

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    • It’s that Polish Catholicism in you MJ…guilt is built-in…came with your particular model…speaking of models…silly ones with no sense or sense with a 15 minute delay…money is always the theme…the more we make, the more cocktails we can buy…and shoes, and jackets…knock-offs or otherwise 🙂

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      • MJ says:

        Ah, no, I’m not of Polish Catholic descent, but an exotic Teutonic-Tatar-WASP blend that confounded the Irish nuns at Saints, and earned me the nickname “Pagan Baby” amongst my classmates. But between my dad’s notoriously Protestant forbears in Ye Olde Burial Ground, and my mom’s Eastern Rite Catholicism, (oft mistaken for Russian Orthodox), I got a conscience on steroids! And now I’m going shopping…

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      • conscience on steroids…great line 🙂

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  5. Hey, nice post! I’m Cameron and I’m very interested in fashion and style. I think you would enjoy my posts; I would really appreciate a follow back! Thanks!

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  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Like most get rich schemes, there’s usually a catch.
    Have Camille read my post ‘Nun Cake’ and she’ll find out about black spots popping up on your heart. Oh wait, that won’t help, you said she likes black.
    I’m also of Polish Catholic descent (one half).

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  7. backonmyown says:

    I enjoy your Camille stories. It’s good that you’re around to save her from herself. 🙂

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  8. You two would make a great comedy duo, Susannah, at least it seems that way with the way you write it up. 🙂 Love the story, as always, and I hope she can find her (legal) get-rich scheme soon. 🙂

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