Early Morning Woo

There’s a guy in the park making eyes at me…he’s actually quite nice looking if you could get passed his nose, which I can’t, since he looks like a giant parrot.

I ask myself why he didn’t bob it in his youth, I mean it’s that big and wrecks the rest of him that’s tall, dark, and oh so birdlike.

That said.

There’s a morning ritual I’m faithful to. I stretch, then do some exercises I’ve been doing for years on what I call an Olmstead bridge (Fredrick Law Olmstead designed Central Park). I like the sameness of it, find it soothing and comforting. Then I hug Teddy, a huge sycamore tree I’ve named after my favorite president who too had a wide, ample trunk, before taking off round the park.

Polly, I’ll call him, has interrupted this since he too is now stretching, more his hormones than calves, on the bridge of sighs since I so wish he’d go…sigh

He keeps complimenting me, first on my flexibility, then as he put it…my rosy complexion. That’s when I knew what he was up to since my skin is anything but rosy looking more like chalk since I hysterically stay out of the sun.

I’m still polite, say thank you…nice of you, my Connecticut front and center. The last thing I ever want to be perceived as is a bitch in a pair of Nikes.

After Polly thought he had my attention, he began selling his goods.

He’s an investment banker who lives part of the year in France, divorced with two grown children and a collection of vintage Peugeots. He’s a quasi vegetarian who likes swimming, tennis and hiking in the Adirondacks. He doesn’t smoke, drinks only moderately and makes one hell of an omelet.

It was Match.com… LIVE

I couldn’t care less if he was Johnny Weismuller back from the dead with a souffle in his hand. There wasn’t one cell in my body interested in anything he was telling me.

You can’t manufacture chemistry, as my late great friend Jacks used to say.

Then he asked, why do I hug a tree every morning since it’s so ridiculous.

Okay, that’s it…Thingirl snapped.

“What’s it to you…why are you watching me…can’t you see this is my private time?”

Connecticut was suddenly replaced by Bed-Stuy.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I thought you wanted to get to know each other?”

“Why would you even think that?”

“Because you’re here.”

“I’ve been here for 20 years pal…it has nothing to do with you.” Just then Taz, the Golden Retriever, ran up like a cop to see if I was okay, his owner close behind.

Polly abruptly left and I haven’t seen him since.

At my age, I do the picking and that nose would have been a full-time job.

Then Jim, Taz’s father said, “Did you see the beak on that guy?”

I laughed.

“Yes Jim, I certainly did.”



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, humor, New York City, sex, Women and men and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Early Morning Woo

  1. micklively says:

    Aren’t parrots bound to be persistant? It’s the way they’re taught. 😉


  2. katecrimmins says:

    At my age, I do the picking and that nose would have been a full-time job.– That sentence had me hysterical! You find them everywhere, don’t you!


  3. backonmyown says:

    Thanks for the chuckle. I love when you boot the Connecticut and spit a little fire.


  4. MJ says:

    Pantalone in the Park, and he doesn’t even need the mask! Too bad TR couldn’t have galloped forth from the wings, mounted and resplendent in Rough Rider uniform: “You there! Leave the young lady alone! Now be off, and make haste about it!”, sparing you the indignity of having to be curt. (*Sigh*) Very funny piece, Susannah!


    • If only Teddy would make a cameo…wouldn’t that be something. He was so gallant and would have challenged old Polly to a duel. I love that you know your history MJ…always to your credit 🙂


  5. Elle Knowles says:

    Men are sometimes a little presumptuous don’t you think? LOL!


  6. At my age, I do the picking and that nose would have been a full-time job. HYSTERICAL! Men are men is all I can say.


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