When The Candy Store Is Open

This was an expression my mother used when my father’s zipper was down. As a kid I never knew how racy a remark it really was.

My dad’s face would turn bright red traveling right to his ears, like a heat flush.

My mother would laugh, but I guess a man’s pride is connected to what’s behind that zipper.

Ones manhood is very sacred after all.

This came to mind because of a very well-dressed man I saw buying fruit in Dean & Deluca with his fly wide open. Imagine Walter Cronkite at half mast.

Of course you can’t help staring since that whiteness of what’s beneath is like a magnet. I thought, shouldn’t someone tell him…another man perhaps? So I whisper to the kid weighing pears, “Hey…look…that man over there could use a little help.”

“He’ll come over when he’s ready to weigh,” he said, “he’s a regular.”

“No, I didn’t mean his fruit…his fly’s open. I thought you’d go tell him.”

“Listen lady, they don’t pay me enough…you tell-em.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to embarrass him,” I said, clearly thinking of my father who would sulk all afternoon.

The woman behind me who was growing impatient said, “For godssake…hey…you over there, with all the melons…zip up.”

I was aghast.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

“I can’t believe you didn’t weigh those bananas yet. I have a meeting.”

I looked over at the guy now properly fastened who slyly smiled and said, “Next time you tell me..would have been a lot nicer.”

I heard my mother laugh through the Muzak and the cheese man barking, “Come on over…have a taste of today’s special Cherve…best goat cheese Manhattan has to offer.”

I guess when you put things in perspective, so what if the candy store’s open. It doesn’t mean you have to shop there, now does it?

SB

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Fashion, food, humor, New York City, Women and men and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to When The Candy Store Is Open

  1. micklively says:

    I’ve never understood why it’s considered such a big deal. I don’t walk the streets “at half mast” but it has never seemed like a “curl up and die” embarrassment that folk like to make it. Yeah, so now you know what colour underwear I’m sporting today: whoopie-do!
    Now, if I were a commando……

    Like

  2. backonmyown says:

    Good chuckle. Good way to start my morning. This reminds me of ninth grade English class when a boy named DJ stood up to give a book report with his zipper down. To tell the truth, I didn’t even notice until every boy in class and the male teacher tried to give various signals that “the barn door was open.” (We were mostly country kids.) Poor boy would have been much less embarrassed if they’d waited until he finished his report. I must say, though, he handled it with aplomb under the circumstances. He turned his back to the class and zipped up; then continued to talk. By then he had lost us. I hope he got an A.

    Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    I have never seen anything interesting in those situations except tucked in shirts or maybe some fruit of the loom. The manhood was hidden behind layers of cloth. Men are just sometimes silly.

    Like

  4. Elle Knowles says:

    I completely understand you lack of wanting to be the messenger. The only one I would be comfortable handing that message to would be H. And once in a while I have to. Men are not as always as fashion conscious as we are. They don’t check and recheck the fastenings! LOL!

    Like

  5. That’s pretty funny. I would be embarrassed but I’d rather someone tell me than walk around like that all day.

    Like

    • I couldn’t agree more. Sometimes I leave my house without my dress zipped all the way in the back…I’m mortified when I realize it. Couldn’t someone have shimmied up and said…excuse me Madam but no….lol

      Like

  6. skinnyuz2b says:

    Maybe someone should have begun singing, “I saw London, I saw France, I see this guy’s underpants!”

    Like

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