Staying Close

images The upside of insomnia is midnight clarity. Your mind, sharp as a tack, will produce a pack of memories to ponder beneath the stars.

I started thinking of my oldest friend, I’ll call Josh, who ten years or so ago remarried his ex wife. I’ve heard it said, that’s like breaking back into jail, but merely one perspective.

He was thrilled on the other hand.

But what raised my eyebrows was when she demanded separate bedrooms. I recall thinking…is this really what you yearn for when you’re about to get married, even if it’s to the same person?

The times in my life when I’ve been in love, I couldn’t get close enough. Separate rooms? Hell, I wanted to live in my lover’s pocket and play with his change (among other things).

In my opinion, her request was a huge red flag, but felt in no position to comment.

The actress, Lauren Bacall, died last week of a massive stroke. She was 89. I hauled out her first book…By Myself (1985), in remembrance.

What came to mind as I lay sleepless, was the part when Humphrey Bogart was so sick. He didn’t want her to sleep beside him…felt it was too much to ask considering his condition.

She wrote, and I’ll paraphrase: I didn’t feel that way. I wanted to be near him…feel him close, hold his hand.

That’s how it is when you love someone. It doesn’t matter of they’re at half throttle or not, you want to be there wrapped around them like ticker tape.

One of my biggest regrets not to mention heartaches, was not being at the bedside of the late Bill Hicks. He too didn’t want anyone there surrounded only by family, dying at his parent’s home in Little Rock, Arkansas. I certainly understood, but it didn’t diminish my desire to be close.

If you’re lucky enough to be with the one you love, cuddle up a little closer, as the song suggests…don’t wait.

Climb in that pocket.

Entwine those arms and legs…like ticker tape.


About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Thanks.
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14 Responses to Staying Close

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, I can’t imagine separate rooms, or separate beds like ‘Ozzie and Harriet’ or the Cleavers.


  2. micklively says:

    ……but be very gentle with the change! 🙂


  3. katecrimmins says:

    and play with the change…..You have such a way with words. Although I agree with you about that red flag, sometimes separate bedrooms are for sleeping because someone snores badly. My brother is like that. No one wants to sleep with him not even his wife. My husband snores but I have a good (and gentle) kick that can stop it. Given my druthers, I would prefer a room of my own but not for sleeping. One that is all girly and full of cat trees and beds, a desk for writing and a lounge for reading. It’s not to get away from hubby but from those damn houseguests that sometimes make me crazy. Even with the people I care about, the 24/7 chattiness can get to me. Guess I really need my alone time. I also agree that dying is not the time to be alone. One of my regrets is that the last time we took my mother to the hospital, the doctor told us to go home, that the crisis had passed. She died alone a few hours later. Wish I would have been there to hold her hand.


    • This is such a poignant response Kate…I’ve heard it said, sometimes people wait to be alone to make their exit, as if they can’t bear to leave the ones they love…makes it easier for them. Has a ring of truth to me.

      And yes, everyone needs a room of their own, but at the end of the day, it’s so sweet to be with the one you love. And if he snores, well…maybe you can tiptoe out at some point, but to go in already separate just feels and sounds damned wrong. I long to be in love again.


  4. Sounds more like married out of convenience, like for health benefits or something. This is a wonderful reminder not to wast time on pettiness and enjoy your time in the pocket.

    FYI: Peanut is licking my foot as I respond to this essay … lol! You don’t get closer than that.


  5. Alva Chinn says:

    Such a blessing this posting, Susannah! May we all be blessed with one who loves and cares enough to be close as the French say ” N’importe quoi!”


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