Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

images I first read this in a 12 Step book, but feel it applies across the board. There’s so much truth in it not to mention resistance.

Who likes change? Not me. If something remotely shifts I break into a nervous sweat.

The irony…so much in my life is shifting: work, home, health. I feel like a polar bear clinging to an ice cube, a haunting image to be sure, for me and the bear.

The other factor is how miserable I’ve become…you’d think I’d welcome something new.

The slogan suggests trust in change, a toughie for me. I can’t move my shoes across the closet comfortably, let alone release life the way I’ve known it for half a century.

So what’s the answer? A friend writes: stay in your day and breathe once in a while…great advice if you can do it. My days run like madras spilling chaotically into one another. It’s Monday and I’m already obsessed with Friday forgetting there are three days in-between.

I’m not looking for surprises…I need to know what’s coming to arm myself accordingly.

Yesterday I was forced to sit quietly in Starbucks because I had forgotten my phone. It’s hard to remember the days when you lived with only a landline and a phone booth on every corner.

How odd it felt being without my BlackBerry. Pretty soon they’ll be 12 Step meetings for cyber addiction I’ll attend daily…hi, my name’s Susannah…I’m a celloholic.

Usually I send countless e-mail at 5 a.m. as if my life depended on it. The upside of having to just be was how much I observed around me. There was a young father with his tiny daughter toddling around like she owned the place…the cab driver who made a b-line to the rest room. Sergio the dog-walker was wearing new Nikes while Rose behind the counter was actually smiling for a change.

Staying in the moment certainly has its advantages, especially to a writer. You cheat yourself immersed in your anxious mishogos when there’s so much life in front of you to claim and absorb.

Change is inevitable and I’m seeing, if you go quietly it’s easier to bear.

Why are we so programed to think it will harm rather than improve? New scenery, like a vacation, could turn us into new people.

It’s a nicer perspective to be sure, yet I still clutch that ice cube.

Susannah on the rocks…a work in progress.

SB

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
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8 Responses to Nothing Changes If Nothing Changes

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    There is no cell service in a large portion of the north country in NY, including our home. I don ‘t even know how to text yet, something my 87 year old father can do!

    Like

  2. micklively says:

    You have committed to a very positive outlook here. Change is inevitable, as you say, and the rate of change increases perpetually too. Good post.

    Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    Change is a love-hate relationship. Routine brings me peace and change brings me angst but it also bring some excitement into an otherwise boring existence. So why do we fight it so?

    Like

  4. Patricia says:

    I can’t say I embrace change but I am learning to at least open my arms to it. Most often I find it is ok and I let it become part of my life. If not I try throwing it away. If I can’t get rid of what I don’t like then I try to make friends. Preferably, distant friends. Sometimes it works sometimes not.

    Like

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