Who likes change? Not me. If something remotely shifts I break into a nervous sweat.
The irony…so much in my life is shifting: work, home, health. I feel like a polar bear clinging to an ice cube, a haunting image to be sure, for me and the bear.
The other factor is how miserable I’ve become…you’d think I’d welcome something new.
The slogan suggests trust in change, a toughie for me. I can’t move my shoes across the closet comfortably, let alone release life the way I’ve known it for half a century.
So what’s the answer? A friend writes: stay in your day and breathe once in a while…great advice if you can do it. My days run like madras spilling chaotically into one another. It’s Monday and I’m already obsessed with Friday forgetting there are three days in-between.
I’m not looking for surprises…I need to know what’s coming to arm myself accordingly.
Yesterday I was forced to sit quietly in Starbucks because I had forgotten my phone. It’s hard to remember the days when you lived with only a landline and a phone booth on every corner.
How odd it felt being without my BlackBerry. Pretty soon they’ll be 12 Step meetings for cyber addiction I’ll attend daily…hi, my name’s Susannah…I’m a celloholic.
Usually I send countless e-mail at 5 a.m. as if my life depended on it. The upside of having to just be was how much I observed around me. There was a young father with his tiny daughter toddling around like she owned the place…the cab driver who made a b-line to the rest room. Sergio the dog-walker was wearing new Nikes while Rose behind the counter was actually smiling for a change.
Staying in the moment certainly has its advantages, especially to a writer. You cheat yourself immersed in your anxious mishogos when there’s so much life in front of you to claim and absorb.
Change is inevitable and I’m seeing, if you go quietly it’s easier to bear.
Why are we so programed to think it will harm rather than improve? New scenery, like a vacation, could turn us into new people.
It’s a nicer perspective to be sure, yet I still clutch that ice cube.
Susannah on the rocks…a work in progress.