Snoot In A Suit

As I was coming out of Zitomer, the Cartier of drug stores, a man…a very dashing man I might add, hit me straight on because HE WAS TEXTING…

ANGRY I DIDN’T MOVE.

Okay, I’ll admit, I could have, but he really pissed me off with his cyber tunnel vision, a chronic problem on Madison Avenue.

6 3″ with legs the length of a diving board, elegantly dressed in a three-piece navy suit…Gucci loafers twinkling in the sunshine…he was a show-stopper alright, with orΒ  without a phone.

But as my Aunt Tillie would say, “What does that have to do with the price of tomatoes?”

Nothing, but I’m human after all.

His looks were understated, something I like. It takes a trained eye to see how expensively dressed he was along with a twitchy demeanor to get he was just one more well-heeled schmuck schmucking up the Avenue..

“Hey, how bout…EXCUSE ME?” I said, staring up at his strong jawline into greenish blue eyes that made me think of dolphins, string bikinis and pina colodas by the pool.

“You ran into me on purpose?

I’ll admit, I was already in a bad mood after seeing my American Express bill that arrived earlier on a stretcher, but how did he know that?

“I did not,” I fibbed, “you weren’t looking where you were going…and if you don’t mind me asking…what the fuck is so important that you have to text while you walk?”

This shut him up for a second. Then he said something very unexpected.

“You’re right. I had a friend who was killed in London while he was crossing the street.”

“Was he texting?”

“Of course he was texting, that’s the point.”

With that tone of arrogance… any good feeling toward his dolphinism just went right out the window.

“Well, on behalf of your friend who’s sadly no longer with us, you should take better care of yourself.”

Boy, was he cute.

He shook his head yes, and that should have been that, but I said.

“By the way…I did bump into you on purpose.”

“I KNEW IT.”

“And you know what? It might be the nicest thing that happens all day.”

That left him speechless alright…the snoot in a suit.

Yeah, her flirt muscle may be slightly arthritic, but it still works.

SB

 

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Beauty, comedy, Fashion, humor, New York City, sex, Women and men and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

21 Responses to Snoot In A Suit

  1. Shafali says:

    Texting leads to some funny situations (and some dangerous ones too.) I can’t imagine how someone can text and navigate through a crowd at the same time. I couldn’t – even if I were born with a smartphone in my hands.

    Like

    • Come to Manhattan where everybody textes as they’re tooling to wherever they’re going. I’ll admit, I had a huge scare a year or so ago. I was actually speaking on the phone not paying attention and started to cross a busy street. I jumped back more than a little shook when a car came so close I felt the wind from it. Now I stop and find a corner if it’s something important.

      In our subways they have huge signs warning over texting or talking as you’re out and about. That’s how serious it’s become.

      Like

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    I love your chutzpah, Susannah!

    Like

    • I get annoyed by things, and my neighborhood is a haven to drive you nuts. The entitled roam the streets and avenues without conscience or a care in the world.

      That said…I’m still not above a little mischief Skinny…makes the day interesting πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. katecrimmins says:

    You are one gutsy chick! To bump into him on purpose wasn’t gutsy but to tell him was! Hope he could fit his head through doorways that day.

    Like

  4. micklively says:

    Wasn’t it Space who said “the female of the species is more deadly that the email”?

    Like

  5. micklively says:

    Look up Space / The Femail Of The Species on YouTube

    Like

  6. Ah, that’s brilliant. Your dialogue is spot-on and I love the inner monologue paralleling the story. That’ll give him a story to tell too. Somehow I don’t think he’s cool enough to have a blog too though. πŸ™‚

    Like

  7. Elle Knowles says:

    Funny! I never know until the next day what I should have said! You’ve always got an answer. πŸ˜‰

    Like

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