As I was coming out of Zitomer, the Cartier of drug stores, a man…a very dashing man I might add, hit me straight on because HE WAS TEXTING…
ANGRY I DIDN’T MOVE.
Okay, I’ll admit, I could have, but he really pissed me off with his cyber tunnel vision, a chronic problem on Madison Avenue.
6 3″ with legs the length of a diving board, elegantly dressed in a three-piece navy suit…Gucci loafers twinkling in the sunshine…he was a show-stopper alright, with or without a phone.
But as my Aunt Tillie would say, “What does that have to do with the price of tomatoes?”
Nothing, but I’m human after all.
His looks were understated, something I like. It takes a trained eye to see how expensively dressed he was along with a twitchy demeanor to get he was just one more well-heeled schmuck schmucking up the Avenue..
“Hey, how bout…EXCUSE ME?” I said, staring up at his strong jawline into greenish blue eyes that made me think of dolphins, string bikinis and pina colodas by the pool.
“You ran into me on purpose?
I’ll admit, I was already in a bad mood after seeing my American Express bill that arrived earlier on a stretcher, but how did he know that?
“I did not,” I fibbed, “you weren’t looking where you were going…and if you don’t mind me asking…what the fuck is so important that you have to text while you walk?”
This shut him up for a second. Then he said something very unexpected.
“You’re right. I had a friend who was killed in London while he was crossing the street.”
“Was he texting?”
“Of course he was texting, that’s the point.”
With that tone of arrogance… any good feeling toward his dolphinism just went right out the window.
“Well, on behalf of your friend who’s sadly no longer with us, you should take better care of yourself.”
Boy, was he cute.
He shook his head yes, and that should have been that, but I said.
“By the way…I did bump into you on purpose.”
“I KNEW IT.”
“And you know what? It might be the nicest thing that happens all day.”
That left him speechless alright…the snoot in a suit.
Yeah, her flirt muscle may be slightly arthritic, but it still works.