I made a list of some of my favorite jokes instead.
We all have them if you think about it. Here are some of mine:
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was, “The man goes on top and the woman underneath.” For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds…Joan Rivers
My wife, she says I never take her anywhere new…I said, okay, how bout the kitchen? Henny Youngman
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
I don’t have any kids, at least none I know of…Carol Liefer
Why was six afraid of seven…seven eight nine.
The lion will lay down with the lamb, but the lamb won’t get much sleep…Woody Allen
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot...Elayne Boosler
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What’s the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish, … You know what you should do? Combine them … eat a penguin…Dave Attel
Housework can kill you, but why take a chance? Phyliss Diller
I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his death bed, sold me this watch…Woody Allen
There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night. Finally I let her out…Henny Youngman
I never got along with my dad. Kids used to come up to me and say, ‘My dad can beat up your dad.’ I’d say ‘Yeah? When? Bill Hicks
Who said insomnia can’t be funny?