A Wild Wicked City Woman

images-1 I stole that line from a Lucy show when cousin Tennessee Ernie Ford comes to visit and says how his mother said “Ernie, you stay clear of those, wild, wicked city women, ya hear me?”

It’s dawned on me, this is how I’m often perceived.

Makes me laugh since the last time I felt sexy was 2003, but one can’t help how others see you.

What can I say?

Smoke and mirrors baby, and a really good concealer by Laura Mercier.

Men off the market are afraid to see me alone, which brings up the sad, simple fact, all the good ones are taken.

And why shouldn’t they be since some woman got there first, like at a sample sale.

When they say timing is everything, it’s true. If you were in that check-out line before the woman who couldn’t lift her case of Ensure, you would have met the guy who helped her first. Of course, if I was buying Ensure it would be home delivered in an unmarked box by one of the Laker Girls, but you get my point.

There’s a man I sometimes work with who I really like. He’s smart, funny, sexy and yes, married who I’ve invited for coffee. He trembles at the mere thought.

Was does he think, I’m going to pop out naked from the sugar bowl?

Even at seventy when his store is probably more or less closed, he doesn’t trust himself as if I have no say in the matter.

Just the idea of putting on special underwear would be enough for me to cancel. Affairs are exhausting if my memory serves me right. Trying to hold his attention, managing your guilt and his because before you could say…is that a wedding band? He blames you for his indiscretion.

“Why do you have to look so good…nobody’s still thin at your age…and heels…you had to wear heels? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?

I go from the most wonderful girl in the world to the Mayflower Madam without passing go.

I like an intelligent man since my own company is so preferable I need a person of interest to get my attention away from me…no easy feat.

And sadly, your average man has little to say. My first question when I meet a fellow for the first time is always, what are you reading?

“HUH?”

NEXT!

Saves so much time.

The man with his price tags snipped off reads like a mother fucker and not just John Grisham either. He’s versed in all kinds of things you may know nothing about. His wife  quite often,, isn’t as interesting as he is which is why he’s glancing your way to begin with. He needs stimulation too, even if it’s just above the waist…besides…you should be able to have a friendship with a man without creating a crime scene. He’s married not dead.

Where am I going with all this?

To the bank to make a deposit.

Sometimes all a girl really wants is a cuppa Joe, not Joe in a cup.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Books, comedy, friendship, humor, Love, sex, Women and men and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to A Wild Wicked City Woman

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, thanks for reminding me about Tennessee Ernie Ford. A predecessor to Gomer Pyle.
    My last post demonstrates that what you need to get Prince Charming is a giant boil on your cheek and a bad hair cut.

    Like

  2. katecrimmins says:

    Reminds me of a friend I used to have. He was very quick witted and smart. We were both married to other people when we met (at work) but it was mental stimulation we were both looking for, definitely not sexual. We were friends through divorce and dating. He dated a variety of women all of whom I was friends with. Then he met his current wife. I think she liked me as a person but she didn’t want me anywhere near him which was ridiculous as I knew him way before she met him. If either of us were interested it would have happened long ago. Anyhow now I only see him when I bump into him at a Home Depot. I miss my friend but it’s what it is.

    Like

  3. Elle Knowles says:

    Love this line! “Even at seventy when his store is probably more or less closed.” Funny! Sadly to say it is not easy to find men that read – H doesn’t – unless you call reading music, reading. 😉 I think Andrew will probably take after him. 😦

    Like

    • He has other attributes…and music makes up for a lot. Andrew might surprise you…look how much he loves animals…and I didn’t become a serious reader till I well over 30 so I know it could happen to anybody…love of books.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. micklively says:

    I really like have intelligent women friends to converse with. They are sooooo much more interesting than blokes. Even though I have no intention of enticing any of them to my bed (I’ve already found my princess), that little bit of sexual frisson adds spice to the conversations. Vive la difference! 😉

    Like

  5. Men really do assume that you have no say in the matter. Their overzealous confidence has always amazed me. You say “coffee” they hear “coffee after a hot session in your bed.”

    Like

    • I know that and have always found it amazing. They’re like kids who belong in the special class because they just don’t quite get it.
      You tell a man you like his tie and he hears, I’m gettin laid tonight.

      Like

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