Why I Don’t Carry A Gun

imagesBecause I’d be in jail.

As I’m walking into the bank, there’s a young man waiting in line with three old dogs slumped on the floor.

It’s always a delight when any establishment is animal friendly.

Without pause I say, “Hi guys…how are you this morning,” holding out my palm so they could make the choice to be schmoozey or not.

And did they. The littlest one, a Jack Russell, if he could would have hopped in my pocket.

Charmed as always, I bent down to pet them all.

The walker, not the owner…you can tell right away since there’s an impersonal smell in the air…unlike when I walk Carmela who you assume I gave birth to…flipped around like an Apache dancer to say,”How dare you pot these dogs.”

“Excuse me? I didn’t mean them any harm…besides, they’re quite happy being fussed over.” I said this smiling my most compelling smile that clearly needs work.

“Con’t you see I’m bonking?”

“You’re standing in line like the rest of us (now we had an audience), so you’re not quite bonking yet.” This caused a couple of chuckles that enraged this 25 year-old with questionable papers after hearing that accent. I had to make a decision…will I tactfully let this asshole be or will I take him on for being such an asshole.

By the way, this is a frequently asked question for anyone remotely sane living in New York City.

I was afraid he’d take it out on the animals, something I’ve seen before, and these three dogs clearly already had self-esteem issues. You could tell by their droopy ears and dropped tails. This group needed love (and Prozac) in a big way.

I let it go, even when he said, “You’re a stu-peed woo-man.”

I bit my lip so hard it bled.

No buddy, I’m not so stupid, if I were I’d be carrying a gun and you’d be at a Citibank in the sky.

No, I didn’t say that.

The old Akita with patches of fur missing looked at me with big brown eyes so I left it there. I watched them leave praying he wouldn’t abuse them. He didn’t.

Me and Mike the Nectar delivery kid watched as they went down 79th Street. The fact he allowed them to sniff was a good sign.

Then Mike said,”The soup of the day is chicken and rice,” another frequently asked question.

“Thanks,” I said, maybe later.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, humor, Love, New York City, Uncategorized, Women and men and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Why I Don’t Carry A Gun

  1. katecrimmins says:

    How odd! Most people, even walkers (who care), appreciate people giving their pets positive vibes as long as they are cautious and not aggressive and maybe not working (I understand you are never to pet a working dog). A gaaa-uun in this situation may have been useful. What a jackass.


  2. MJ says:

    Weird hostile, the new normal. I’m trying to figure out where this guy is coming from—did his employer read him the riot act about litigatious passers-by who pester dogs hoping to get bitten? If that were the case, he shouldn’t have been walking them in a pack, yet alone standing on line with them in an enclosed public space. I think the “stu-peed woo-man” comment is telling: he’s got anger issues, which hopefully don’t stem from an extra Y chromosome or worse! The comment is eerily resonant, too. Years ago I used to pick up the trade papers at the newsstand in Penn Station in Newark, which was then manned by a couple of extremely surly, swarthy men who appeared to be in their 30’s. They’d see customers waiting at the register, then ostentatiously start stacking shelves. And if anyone didn’t have exact the exact amount, they’d practically fling the change across the counter. Once I accidentally gave one a five dollar bill instead of a single, and though I quickly apologized for my mistake, his response was “You stupid woman.” Not long after, in the wake of 9/11, it turned out that the surly pair at the newsstand were Al Kaida terrorists who had conspired in the attack.


    • Omigod, how did you find that out? That gave me a serious chill MJ.

      I’m glad you don’t see them anymore. OOH


      • MJ says:

        It was in the news just after the attacks. As I recall, the two had been living in a small apartment in Jersey City with a roommate who was a known Al-Kaida agent, and they attended the mosque in JC which had been headed by the imam who was involved in the 1990’s attack on the Trade Center. They had stopped working at the Newark Penn Station newsstand shortly before 9/11, and on that day had been on board a flight headed to Texas which was grounded. They then switched to AMTRAK, and were apprehended by the FBI, who subsequently held them in custody after finding boxcutters and large amounts of cash in their bags. I don’t know what became of them, whether they were eventually deported or released for want of more substantial evidence of conspiracy in the attacks. Some JC local, a neighbor or their landlord, expressed shock at their detention, claiming that they were only hard-working immigrants who’d never been known to utter a word against America. But I wasn’t the only patron of the newsstand in Newark who found their behavior rather nasty.


      • I’m stunned…what a story. These men actually a part of the fabric of your day were conspiring to kill all those people. It’s amazing MJ, truly amazing.


  3. I guess there’s a man who takes bonking seriously and can’t afford distractions. 🙂 Seriously though, what a jerk. Hopefully the owners are a little nicer. Poor dogs.


  4. skinnyuz2b says:

    Very weird that he wouldn’t welcome affection lavished on the dogs. Sounds like a severe inferiority complex that he tries to mask with machismo that comes off as jerkiness.


  5. Elle Knowles says:

    Just be nice! How hard is that? You keep smiling and conversing Susannah. The world needs more of you! 😉 And yes, he was a jerk!


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