When You Know You’re A New Yorker

images Once again I was lost in Brooklyn in a state of panic late for a job. My work has been spotty to put it nicely, so I can’t afford to piss anybody off by waltzing in like Kate Moss.

It was a section called Fort Green I had never been to before.

I’m always amazed how many people don’t know their neighborhoods. You ask them where a street is and they look drunk at 8 o’clock in the morning.

“I dunno.”

“But you live here…it’s a main street.”

“Yeah, I know…I dunno.”

After asking my seventh person who starts saying I’m going in the wrong direction, I hear a crackly voice behind me.

“No she ain’t…she’s goin right…she just needs to make a left…just in a half hour is all.”

A half hour.

I turn around and there’s man in a ripped Yankees jacket and pajama bottoms with his private parts jangling out like car keys.

There was no time to be appalled…I WAS LATE.

He then points, like an Irish Setter, and says,”Yous goin right, but it’s a laaaang, laaaang ways?”

How is it, a half naked man is the only one who knows where Queen of All Saints Church is, an apparent landmark?

“Tell me again, so I can write it down.”

I started rummaging for a pen.

“I got one,” he says, handing me a Bic that’s been significantly bitten.

In a very competent way he tells me step by step, how to go.

I thank him praying he was right, and by golly, he was.

But what occurred to me later when I had calmed down enough to go over what had happened…how oblivious I truly was to his balls blowing in the breeze.

I was late, that’s all I knew, and his porn-like ensemble made very little difference to me.

I’m a New Yorker alright.

Live and let live, act as if, and get me to the church on time.

SB

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About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in Fashion, humor, modeling, New York City, travel, Women and men and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to When You Know You’re A New Yorker

  1. micklively says:

    What kind of modeling job happens in a church?!
    It is well documented that scrota need to be maintained at below body temperature. You can’t expect a chap to offer free directions whilst sacrificing his virility.

    Like

  2. skinnyuz2b says:

    Susannah, you simply had your priorities. I bet the polar vortex makes him cover up his little friends, ha, ha!.

    Like

  3. Elle Knowles says:

    Lol! Funny funny! I would have been speechless! You’ve seen it all now – and I mean ALL!

    Like

  4. katecrimmins says:

    I couldn’t get past “private parts jangling.” Was it THAT warm to be jangling them about? Maybe they just slipped out like a boob in a too small bra. Not sure if I could have taken my eyes off of them (not that they looked enticing or anything like that.) So…did you make it in time?

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  5. Hold on…..nothing screams desperation more than the complete oblivion to balls in the wind. I would say “it could have been worse” but I cannot back up that statement.
    One thing I will verify is that NO ONE in NY knows how to give directions. I was lost in Chelsea and still have scars on my from the blisters I endured walking in circles thanks to the natives.

    Like

  6. That’s a great ethos to have, I think, just taking everything in stride. You really need to be flexible when there’s such a variety of people to deal with on a daily basis. 🙂

    Like

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