My latest experience has taken this definition to new heights.
I was in Farinella eating overpriced pizza I’ve been boycotting since they raised all slices a dollar, when a woman with two kids approached me.
Let me first describes this little joint on 79th and Lexington Avenue. It’s like an Italian jewel box with a big oven, small counter and rows and rows of Coca-Cola in old-fashioned bottles lining the walls. There are three tiny tables each seating two, and a bench outside. Not exactly spacious, but it’s pizza.
You order, eat and go.
I’m sitting against the wall always willing to give the other seat to someone, but this day, a woman dressed in workout gear with matching children marched over and said, “We three think, she gazes lovingly at the two kids…a boy and girl maybe six and seven…you should get up and give us your table.”
This threw me a bit though I remained polite.
“I’m having my lunch. When I’m through you can sit here.”
“No, that’s not good enough. We’re in a hurry and we need to sit down so I’ll repeat, the three of us feel you should be a good sport and get up.”
Okay, this was even too much arrogance for the legendary Upper East Side.
“Well, the three of us…as in me, myself and I, feel you are way out of line and would prefer if you’d go away and let us eat in peace.”
It reminded me of an old Hillary Clinton joke…how Bill never liked when she wore skirts because her balls would show.
“That is so selfish since there’s one of you and three of us.”
Yes, this is when the wheels fell off the wagon.
“Were you dropped on your head? Do you know how outrageous you’re being?”
By this time the kids just wanted their pizza that she was holding hostage while harassing me, and one thing about Farinella, as good as it is, it blows when it’s cold.
My heart pounded with indignation. Would you ever make such a demand on anyone, especially someone you didn’t know? Did she deserve a slap more than a slice ya think?
I was so mad I ordered another one just to sit there longer. Of course the kids got to me, so I said to them, “Why don’t you, addressing the mini workout girl, sit with me, and your brother can have the seat in front.” How nice am I?
“The little girl in her Fila spandex hoodie said, “What about mommy?”
“Mommy can stand,” her brother said.
From the mouth of babes…who clearly takes after his father.