It hasn’t risen to its full height, the little warrior, but it’s made a grand attempt to stand on shaky legs like a wounded soldier hoisting the American flag.
Yesterday was one of the worst days ever. There was still no change, and in the past the steroid would kick in almost immediately, so my hope was all but gone.
I cried so much my eyes took on the shape of pins glazing over in their misery.
I had nothing to show for all these sick, side effects sidling up like unwanted house guests.
Insomnia, lack of appetite, pains in my legs and feet along with dizziness and swelling. I have a rash from God knows what since steroids sit on your immune system like sumo wrestlers. If I had a result, then I’d welcome these things as part of the deal, though a bad one, to regain my sense I can’t believe for over a half century, took for granted.
My friend, who’s a priest, was giving mass so I made myself go. I got there early wrapped in hopelessness along with 16 layers praying for at least a shift in peace.
That’s what I’ve learned to pray for…not wellness, but for the acceptance of however I’m feeling that day. God, with his busy schedule who tends not to get back to you right away, seems to have time to provide at least that much in a pinch.
Seeing my friend who’s such a light…younger and determined to make a difference, smiled and said hello to me in sign language.
It makes us both laugh since I tell him he makes me feel like Lamb Chop.
I did feel better when I went home settling in for the night, forgiving my body for just not being able to rise to the occasion.
The first thing I do when I open my eyes is check the voice-mail on my land line to see if I can hear it. Up till today, I could only on the right, the left registering nothing but a monotonous hum.
But then I heard my voice, though distant, say my name reeling me into a sitting position.
Reminded me, hope gone silent, might just be returning through a different route to teach you, you must never give up regardless of what seems to be.
We must stoke those fires for the unseen that have yet to make our acquaintance.
Hope springs eternal…eternally.