He had already asked a few weeks ago when I politely declined.
I’m having 8 people, and one’s just cancelled. I need you, or my table will be ruined.
This is hard for me but I’ll explain, why I had no desire to go.
I can’t hear.
When I’m in a group, in a room even medium sized, it’s as if I’m sitting in the center of a big bee hive. It actually hurts my ears to strain and listen to sounds so foreign to me now.
I’ve told him this on more than one occasion, but it seems to elude him as if I’m just telling tall tales. I realize, unless you’ve had the experience of sitting in the wilderness, it is hard to comprehend what it’s like, but that’s as magnanimous as I’ll get.
I don’t know why I was stricken with hearing loss, but what I’ve learned to do these past 2 years, is to accept it and not push against the reality since it makes it all the more painful.
Things happen to people. We get sick…go through treatment hoping to come out the other side, and thank God, many of us do. How many women do I know who battled breast cancer…lost their hair…lost their minds, and are now healthy, and even able to talk about it.
There’s the group of course who didn’t make it….Bill Hicks at 32…my friend Nancy…55.
I’m one of the luckier ones. My affliction is very specific…localized in its own little sphere. I can still do everything, except maybe participate at an intimate dinner party, contributing comfortably.
Illness educates. It tells you what’s important and what isn’t. And an empty seat at someone’s annual holiday table does not make the cut.
The following morning, I received another email from this fellow, this time berating me for my selfishness. How I couldn’t see past myself to help him when he was in need.
Let me just say once again, how lucky we are I don’t own a gun since my ire went up like a Bunsen burner.
We have a right to say no…it’s a complete sentence.
Don’t wait for illness to teach you this lesson.
Choosing oneself over the random needs of others should come under The Bill of Rights, and no one should ever try to shame you for doing what’s best for you.