Wolf Is That You At The Door?

images I am so broke finding myself drowning once again in medical bills.

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in, if I may quote Al Pacino in Godfather 3.

If only doctors were as good with service as they are with their billing. I am still, after five weeks, waiting for the results of a test. I’ve called, emailed…even pestered the lab who, with a mouthful of lunch said, “I’m not allowed to say.” How’s that egg salad by the way, asshole?

Last month my crown fell out…no, not off, though God knows what that would have cost since I do don a tiara now and then (a joke), and though he was able to glue it back on, I still owed him 75 bucks, already paying 25. I received three bills in one month…3. I called there and said, “Tell me something, is Dr. Levine going under? Are they repossessing his X-Ray machine? Why on earth am I getting so many bills?”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” a woman said, “and billing’s out to lunch.”

“They certainly are.”

The thing about me is, I pay everything…eventually. If I could I’d pay it all up front, but money doesn’t pour in like in the old days at 300 bucks an hour minus a modest agent’s fee. Now it’s, if you hire me I’ll paint and mow the lawn.

The upside of course is my credit. I could buy Nebraska it’s so good.

What happened to the days when you could sell blood on a monthly basis for ten bucks a quart. Now you get Orangina, a couple Lorna Doones and some fat woman saying, “Can you walk yet honey?”

I have nothing else to sell except for my shearling coat my ex gave me. I’m not a fur wearer, but it’s so, so beautiful. Like having sheep in the closet. And the day it was given to me was a great one. My friend Nancy was still on the planet opening up a bottle of Tattingers to celebrate me finally finding a nice, generous man.

She didn’t live long enough to watch him turn into Hannibal Lecter, but her moment of optimism is still felt.

Wonder what I could get for my crown? I bet billing would know.

There is my Monticello piggy bank.



About Susannah Bianchi

I'm just a girl who likes to write slightly on slant. I've had a career in fashion, dabbled in film and to be honest, I don't like talking about myself. Now my posts are another matter so I will let them speak for themselves. My eBooks, A New York Diary, Model Behavior: Friends For Life and Notes From A Working Cat can be found on Amazon.com. Thanks.
This entry was posted in animals, Cinema, Health, humor, media, money, New York City and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to Wolf Is That You At The Door?

  1. skinnyuz2b says:

    In 1977, before I met my honey, a temporary cap fell off when I ate a giant pretzel stick before going to bed. I needed it to be temporary a month or two longer so I crazy-glued it back in. Afraid that my mouth might glue shut while I slept, I placed a pencil between my teeth to separate them. This caused me to drool, which I alleviated with a bath towel tucked around my neck. If anyone broke into my home they would have though I was crazy and run back out!
    Next time save yourself $100 and use crazy glue!


  2. micklively says:

    Economics in the land of the free! That’s free to starve or die untreated, presumably? I thought Obama had sorted healthcare?


  3. katecrimmins says:

    Sounds like you are in that sweet spot. Not poor enough to qualify for anything but not rich enough to live without worry. I had a tooth veneer fall off 2 years ago. It was $900 to repair. Yikes! I just wanted my tooth repaired not a used car! (I expect it’s twice that in NYC!)


  4. Elle Knowles says:

    Been there – done that! It seems like robbing Peter to pay Paul doesn’t even work any more. Peter took his money and ran. He saw me coming. When Andrew finishes college we will celebrate. That grad school he is planning on will be on his tab. (I sure hope he gets it done) Don’t get me started on health care – I doubt it even covers teeth! (BTW – I need some painting done – lol!)


  5. I know what you mean, It seems the most productive part of the medical industry is the part that sends out the bills.
    I’ve managed to not go to the doctor yet since I’ve been home and I’m dreading when I actually have to. That’s one thing I’ve like way better in Canada and Korea. So much less stress and complication associated with the whole process.


  6. The way my boss (a doctor) talks these days you would think he was auditioning for the lead in Oliver! Then he announces we will be closing for a week( of us no pay) while he and his family take off to some island. I hope they pack the tin cup!
    As for the crown …. crazy glue does work and it’s probable what the dentist uses under a fancier label.


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